


wasteland, baby (i'm in love with you)

by taes00



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, and pining, dumb lesbians tbh, i blame it on quarantine and also general sadness, kpop namedrops bc why not, so much pining, time jumps, yg let blackpink out challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 49,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23964562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taes00/pseuds/taes00
Summary: Lisa’s getting married Friday next week.This, of course, is something that’s always on the back of Jennie’s head – sirens blaring, reminding her that she’s only here for a short amount of time and that she has a life in New York she has to go back to. Not that Jennie plans on staying anyway. There’s too much baggage around her, a five-foot-three baggage wrapped in a very pretty thing that resembles a woman that she loved years ago, and she can’t keep carrying it around pretending that she’s not burdened by it – because she is.ORThe jensoo ex au I wanted to read but no one ever wrote so I’m doing it for myself.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Kim Jisoo
Comments: 44
Kudos: 398





	1. Chapter 1

The silence stings in Jennie’s ear. 

She’s heard deafening crowds in countless cities, chants of over-eager fans outside of her hotel, the ear-wrecking screech of a microphone on a looped signal during a soundcheck. She’s heard louder things than this – but somehow this hurts the most.

Jisoo’s still staring at her intently, one hand wrapped around a champagne glass – elegant, tasteful, the image is almost something out of an editorial magazine – and the other curled up into a fist. Her jaw clenches. Jennie recognizes the successive motions: it’s how Jisoo acts after reading twitter tags about her, or when she’s not satisfied about her performance on stage. Jennie knows her enough not to talk to her when she’s acting like this, as doing so would only make it worse, but what does Jennie know about Jisoo? Everybody changes after a while; Jennie’s changed, so obviously Jisoo has too.

They’re different people.

Jennie looks down and stares at the granite floors of the building’s balcony. There’s the tune of a familiar jazz song playing inside where the party is, and it gives Jennie a little comfort that whatever happens on the balcony, she has friends she can go back to inside. She can go back to the party and pretend none of this happened – so she answers, “I didn’t think you wanted me to.”

There’s a scoff and Jennie stares up again, looking into her friend’s eyes. Her eyes glisten in the moonlight, and the moment their eyes meet Jisoo immediately breaks it. “I told you I’d wait for you to come back. No matter what.”

Jennie’s silent. She doesn’t know what to say. She’s always been a babbling brook – never running out of things to say, always the starter of conversations, always the one to carry them out, but now, at this moment it seems that the babbling brook has dried up and all she can conjure up is a defeated sigh as she looks at the view from where she’s standing. They’re high up into the sky – in a party inside Lisa’s penthouse for her engagement party. Her and Jisoo stand in her garden with an excellent view of the city. It is well taken care of, with shrubs and beautiful arranged bushes of rose plants. Seoul looks breathtaking from above – the city looks like it’s been doused in glitter and starlight. She’s seen this time and time again, but not in a very long time. Not since she’s left.

“Are you not going to say anything?”

"I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Jennie doesn’t see it – she refuses to look beside her, look _at_ her – but she does hear it, the rustle of the dress and the familiar click-clack of pointed shoes against the floor. Jisoo leaves without saying a word and Jennie doesn’t know if she feels better or worse. Heat stings at the back of Jennie’s eyes and she blinks rapidly to keep the tears at bay.

Lisa prepared her for this. _“Jisoo unnie’s going to be there. I don’t know what grudge you have against each other but don’t you think it’s time to fix it? I love you both and I’m not going to uninvite either of you. Do this for me.”_

I don’t know what grudge you have against each other.

Don’t you think it’s time to fix it?

There wasn’t supposed to be any fixing. Jennie should have come back like they talked about, she should have swallowed her fucking pride and it would have been over right then and there, and her and Jisoo would have probably lived their lives together, and she would have been _happy_. They would have been. But she isn’t, and they aren’t – although Jennie doesn’t really know how Jisoo feels.

She’s asked about her time and time again, also stalked her on numerous social media platforms, and on the occasional news reports that cover her – former Blackpink vocal and visual, now currently directing independent movies. She kept newspapers of her, of course – along with the borrowed shirts and jackets, books, and the cd mixes Jisoo used to give her. They’re all stacked in a box hidden somewhere in Jennie’s apartment. Yes, she still has her ex’s old clothes and gifts and she fucking keeps newspapers that features her ex’s accomplishments, and so what if she smiles proudly whenever she reads that headline from 2023 when her ex’s short film got an award at Sundance, so what if she made a fake account just to stalk her on Instagram, so what, so _fucking what_?

And Jennie’s not doing any of that anymore, anyway. Not since last year.

Jennie shouldn’t have come in the first place. Lisa would have hated her if she didn’t, but it would be for the best. And it’s not like it’s anything new – Lisa would just be added to the long list of estranged people who she once considered her best friends. Rosie’s on top of that list… and Irene, and Joy, and Nayeon – _god_ , Jennie ruined every good relationship in her life in order to disappear and move on from somebody. Somebody that nobody even knew she was dating.

She feels pathetic – pathetic enough to walk back inside towards the open bar and order something that's a bit stronger than the overpriced champagne the waiters have been shoving down her throat the minute she got into the party. She asks for a whole glass of whiskey instead, something that the bartender stares at her for almost incredulously, but he gives it to her anyway. Jennie empties the glass in less than a minute.

The place is still packed with numerous celebrities and A-listers, a whole community that Lisa has amassed after their group disbanded. After they disbanded. Of course, everyone went on with their lives: Lisa and Rosie continued on as solo artists, charting as well as their group had when they released new music; Jisoo went and pursued a directing career and Jennie… well, Jennie didn’t do anything – not anything important, anyway.

The Blackpink money went a long way (it actually lasts until now), and the quick cash grab she gets from posting a selfie with a product was enough to fund a Tribeca apartment in New York. Jennie got paid, of course – she has a job. Somebody who only had to go take a couple of pictures to advertise, or wear online fast fashion brands just to get paid, but it was a job nonetheless. (Jennie hates the word influencer, and although she technically was one, she still doesn’t want to admit that to herself.) And she was smart, she’d invested her money in up-and-coming designers and clothing lines and got back twice the money she put into companies she supported.

She made a nice living in New York, but it was far from a career.

And maybe she’s a little drunk. It doesn’t matter.

She looks around for Lisa, because she’s the only one left who stares at Jennie like she’s not wounded, but she’s not anywhere to be found – or maybe Jennie didn’t look hard enough, but she doesn’t care. She has a reason not to say good bye. She heads toward the elevator, and she thinks about how much of a fire hazard it is to be in a penthouse, and narrowly misses the button for the ground floor on her first try. She succeeds on the next one though, and the elevator closes.

Jennie hates being in an elevator. Even in Tribeca she’d taken a unit that wasn’t high enough to make it an effort to walk up the stairs, but not low enough that the only view she had were privileged people going for a walk to fetch a fresh cup of coffee from the Starbucks across her apartment building. She doesn’t like how elevators are cold and always smell so artificial, she doesn’t like how she could be trapped in for a couple of hours, she doesn’t like the feeling when the it starts and stops.

The elevator dings and suddenly she’s on the ground floor. It takes her a few misguided steps towards the exit, but she gets there anyway, and hails for a taxi. She expected the whole night to be messy – she didn’t expect for it to be a _disaster_. That bartender shouldn’t have given her that whiskey.

*

The next day, Jennie stumbles out of bed involuntarily.

 _Involuntarily_ is right, as Lisa’s towering over her while she’s lying down on the cold wooden floors, out of the comfort of her covers. Lisa’s wearing a trademark scowl – something not quite intimidating, but closer to the lines of baby panda holding a knife. Jennie almost wants to comment that, but Lisa’s kicking her already and she groans. It doesn’t hurt, of course Lisa’s not actually hurting her, but Jennie knows that Lisa’s forcing her out of bed right now.

“Get out of bed you lazy ass, we’re having brunch today. You’re already 30, damn it, there’s really no reason to getting drunk at your best friend’s engagement party and leaving without even saying good bye. Is that what they taught you in New York? Because now I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have let you stay there.” Lisa says with authority in her voice as she continues to nudge Jennie with her feet. Jennie’s glaring at her to try and get her to stop and leave her alone, but it doesn’t seem to be working, so she begrudgingly pushes herself up the floor.

“Do you also push all of your friends out of bed?” She grumbles, heading towards the bathroom to wash her face and get the foul taste off of her mouth. Each step she feels the symptoms of a really bad hangover coming, and she feels like drowning in the sink.

“Only ones that get me worried whole night long.” She hears Lisa from another room, presumably the kitchen as she hears the sounds of a glass clinking against her countertop. “And did you forget this brunch? I _did_ tell you about this, right? I emailed you the whole agenda.”

Jennie steps out of the bathroom with a towel on her face, trying to wipe any excess liquid off her face. She sees Lisa with a glass of water and a tab of ibuprofen. “My lifesaver.”

“I wanted to make you a cup of coffee but you don’t have anything here. Your refrigerator is _empty_ – literally. The only thing I found was three cubes of ice. You didn’t even fill up the ice maker correctly?”

She downs the glass of water along with the painkiller. “I’ve been here two days, Lisa, why are you expecting me to have a whole bag of groceries in there? Besides, I’m only staying until your wedding, I’m not staying here for a long time so why even bother?”

Lisa rolls her eyes. “Yeah, fine, _whatever_. Just get a shower and dress up. You smell, and you’re about to see our old friends. So clean up.”

“Uhm,” Jennie shifts her weight against her other foot. “Is she going to be there?”

Jennie wants her to say no – _desperately_ wants her to say no. She already can’t imagine having a brunch with Rosie and Nayeon, and now she _really_ does not want to go if Jisoo’s going to be there too. But she’s looking at Lisa’s lips, and the shape of her mouth is already forming a Y, so defeatedly sighs.

“Of course she is, who am I kidding?”

“I’m sorry, Jennie. She’s my friend too.”

“I know.”

“I did tell her you were coming. She had the option to opt out.”

“But she didn’t.”

“No she didn’t.”

“ _Damn it_.”

Lisa chuckles. “How bad is it going to be, anyway? We were friends once, we can be friends again.”

And, really, _how bad is it going to be_?

Apparently very bad, because Jennie’s not even out of the car yet and she’s already fidgeting in her seat. She’s thankful for the moderate traffic, as it buys her more time to make – force – herself to act natural and comfortable.

“Why are you so stressed out about this? Everybody misses you. Nayeon and I were just chatting yesterday and she said she was excited to see and hang out with you.” Lisa says from the driver’s seat. “And along with everybody else. Especially Chaeyoung. She misses you.”

Along with everybody else. Jennie doesn’t want to know if Jisoo misses her – she probably does, if her reaction at the party was any indication, but it doesn’t mean that she’s glad to see Jennie. “I’m not stressed, just,” she breathes, “-- still guilty, I guess. I _left_ and didn’t tell them why, I didn’t even say good bye. I never replied to any of the texts or emails and I never answered any calls. I _disappeared_ , Lisa. I’m sure they hate me – I would too.”

They stop at a red traffic light, and Lisa takes the opportunity to look at Jennie sympathetically. “They don’t hate you. They felt bad, I did too, and we felt abandoned. You left without saying good bye, we thought you _died_. The only assurance we had that you were still alive was when I called your mom and she said you left the country.”

“—And I’ve said I’m sorry—”

“Let me finish.” Lisa interrupts, staring at the countdown timer on the traffic light fleetingly before going back to the conversation again. “We were mad. Rosie and I were mad, and Jisoo was devastated. We didn’t know where you went – you didn’t even tell your parents. We only figured out where you were when somebody online saw you in New York and posted it.” Her rant doesn’t stop when the light turns green and she steps on the gas again. “Jisoo tried to find you. She went to New York to talk to you, and she said you didn’t even reply or text her where you actually lived in New York, and that you guys didn’t even see each other. She _went there_ , and you didn’t even fucking go to her?”

“She told you that’s what happened?” Jennie is incredulous.

“Yes. It’s selfish and frankly immature. When she got back we weren’t just mad at you anymore, we were furious.”

Jennie shuts up this time, not even wanting to explain what happened in New York, because that was _definitely_ not what happened. Jennie’s not surprised that Jisoo lied about it, though – what was she going to say anyway, Jennie made it clear that that week never happened, and that none of them were supposed to bring it up.

“--But you know what happened? After a year or two after you left, we weren’t mad anymore. We were still hurt, but seeing you smile in those press photos just showed us how happy you were to escape, and we were okay with that. And suddenly we just… sort of had this spoken agreement, that if you ever came back, you will always be welcome.”

You know, when you texted me a few months ago I actually _screamed_ —I was so happy. Josh thought I won the lottery. I missed you so much, and you texted out of nowhere and it was just… I’m sorry—this is stupid, I don’t want to be cheesy but I really love you, you know?”

She wants to cry. She wants to hug Lisa and tell her that she’s sorry, and that she was stupid and full of pride and _heartbroken_ , but she can’t do that right now as Lisa’s already parking the car near a familiar restaurant – the one her and Nayeon used to frequent to when they had similar off-schedules. It’s an American-Korean fusion cuisine and everything is delicious, and Jennie remembers how much she misses Korean food – the ones in New York were just atrocious and frankly a little insulting apart from the restaurants with actual Korean chefs.

From outside the restaurant, she can already see through the glass that Rosie and Nayeon are sitting in a booth with a couple of drinks in their table. Jennie thinks comically that this is what women in their thirties are supposed to do – drink mimosas at brunch. Her nerves are absolutely still there, but the overwhelming feeling of missing her friends take over. She didn’t have a chance to do any of the hugging or greeting during Lisa’s engagement party as Jennie came (intentionally) late and hid from anyone and everyone. (Although Jisoo did a fantastic job at finding her.)

When they enter the restaurant and the girls see each other, all they could do is hug and be loud, exchanging _How are you_ s and _I miss you_ s on the table. After all the commotion and pleasantries, they started to fall into a good-natured conversation, like the old times. After all, they were all friends before any of this had happened. Jisoo’s not anywhere to be seen, but there’s an empty seat at the side and there’s a handbag on it, so she can only assume that Jisoo’s gone off into the restroom.

And she’s right, because not a minute later Jisoo greets their table, and gives Jennie kiss on her cheek – something she stiffens at, but immediately shakes off. Nobody seems to notice how Jennie reacted, as they’re all busy talking, and Nayeon’s commenting on how Jisoo always takes ten minutes to freshen up. Their conversation’s a little mixed, ranging from career to love, and now the conversation’s starting to shift more towards Jennie and each question starts to get more and more personal for her taste.

Jennie’s sipping on her drink when Nayeon asks a particularly intrusive question. “So, did you fuck a lot of guys in America?” Jennie chokes on liquid and she has to take the napkin on her table to cough at while the group laughs. She laughs along, because it’s so _Nayeon_ to ask unrestrained questions at lunch. Once she’s okay she looks at Jisoo, and her facial expression has changed from light to serious.

“I, uhm,” Jennie clears her throat. “Do we have to talk about this during lunch?” She asks in a joking manner, pointing to the food on their table.

“Oh come on, we’re old. And you lived in _the land of the free_ for quite a while. Tell us all the details and I’ll live vicariously through you.” Nayeon says. Jennie thinks it’s not a big deal anyway, and it’s not like it’s a crime to embrace her sexuality. During her time here, she would be ashamed of feeling _things_ , as they were generally frowned upon, and women being promiscuous wasn’t exactly okay, so when she stepped foot in New York, it was safe to say that she made up for lost time.

“Fine,” she sips on her water, trying to ignore Jisoo’s stare. “I wouldn’t say a _lot_ , but I did have a few boyfriends and… not-boyfriends.”

This made the table clap and cheer and Rosie was chuckling. “Imagine going to your apartment with a _man_ , if any of us did that the media would eat us alive. You’re our hero.”

Jennie laughs. “Oh come on, you guys are old enough—”

“—Ouch,” Nayeon adds.

“And this shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”

“Well, it _is_ still an issue.” Lisa says.

“One that you don’t have to face anymore because you’re getting married.” Jisoo interjects.

“ _Ugh_ , this is so unfair. How come Lisa gets the perfectly handsome foreigner guy and I’m stuck with my no-sex-until-marriage boyfriend?” Nayeon sinks into her seat.

“The boyfriend who you’re in love with.”

“Exactly, it’s unfair how I’m in love with someone who doesn’t even want sex – it’s insane.”

The conversation continues on for a while, and it deviates from light topics to more serious ones and ones in between, until it wasn’t a brunch any more and more turning into an afternoon hangout with the girls. They stayed in the restaurant until three, and none of them even noticed the time if the waiter hadn’t mentioned that it was hours until their last order. Jennie offered to pay, something the others refused to happen, but she insisted and won over anyway.

Nayeon was the first to go, getting into her car after hugging Jennie good bye.

“This was really fun. I missed you, Jen.” Rosie tells her and hugs her. “Don’t leave without saying good bye again, okay?”

Jennie nods.

*

23.04, Kim Jisoo: _By any chance, was the reason for you not coming back was because you found a ‘boyfriend’ or a ‘not-boyfriend’?_

This is the text that makes Jennie snap out of her sleepiness. She’s just finished washing her face and brushing her teeth, already in her sleep clothes and her covers when her phone pinged and ruined any chance of sleeping before 4 am tonight. The last text she’s gotten from Jisoo was… _never_. Not since Jennie changed her phone. Jennie doesn’t even know what to reply. In any given situation, she would ask a friend for help, but it’s sometime around 10 AM in New York, and she’s not sure if Lucas can answer a phone call because knowing him, he’s neck deep in his work. She has other friends, of course, but not ones she’s told stories of Jisoo to. She can’t exactly share anything to Lisa, either.

23.07, Jennie Kim: _No_.

It’s honest and short, and frankly Jennie answers that because she doesn’t know what else to say.

23.07, Kim Jisoo: _Ok._

23.07, Kim Jisoo: _That was fun, earlier. We should do that again, but just you and I. I miss us being friends again._

Jennie doesn’t reply after that.

*

Maybe Jennie shot herself in the foot when she agreed to having drinks over at Rosie’s place. It’s not that it’s uncomfortable, or that she still thinks that Rosie hates her, but just because she _knows_ that she’s not going to have a good time the morning after. _Christ_ , Jennie’s already 30 – she’s supposed to have exhausted her drinking capabilities and urges during her 20s when she could still drink as much beer and eat as much fries as she could without gaining belly fat. But then again, there’s nothing like a good amount of peer pressure to get her to drink.

So she texts back, _of course, is it the same address?_ and she gets a reply that says otherwise, and that Rosie’s got an actual house just a few minutes away from the city, and that Jennie has to drive through the freeway to get there. Jennie mentally slaps herself, because _really_ , did she expect Rosie to stay in the same building after six years? People move on and move out – something Jennie has yet to do.

Jennie doesn’t actually have a car, Lisa had been there driving her through the city getting her to places, and she thinks it’s time to get one. She googles, and there’s a car rental service a few blocks away from her. She fills out a couple of paperwork, hands out her driver’s license – it’s only a few months away from being expired. She hasn’t done something this adult since she applied for a visa to stay in the states.

“Normally we wouldn’t even accept clients that didn’t apply for a reservation online – but since you’re Kim Jennie… I’m giving you a pass.” The employee had said while gleefully filing out the papers.

Jennie was out of there with a brand new car and about thirteen several clauses in her head that remind her of how much the deductible is should she crash the vehicle. It’s a Bentley Genesis, and it’s not more expensive than her own car, but it’s definitely a whole year of her bills. She’s very much rather run into Jisoo again than do anything to the car.

She drives to Rosie’s – a good hour and a half away from her, including traffic – and it’s been such a long time since she’s had a good drive that she’s not even mad. She gets to Rosie’s house, and house is an understatement – it’s a _mansion_. It’s huge and she can’t even get into the gate without talking into something that resembles a drive-thru speaker. The architecture is modern and so gorgeous and Jennie’s impressed. (The kpop thing might have drained their mental wellbeing and ruined their 20s for them, but the money was _insanely_ good.)

When she knocks on the door, she half-expects a helper open the door, but there Rosie is in her whole Roseanne Park glory, wearing nothing but an oversized sweater and a pajama. Jennie’s never felt so overdressed in her jeans before. She’s greeted with a hug, and Jennie wraps her arms around the other girl. She remembers how touchy Rosie actually is, and how she likes to show affection through her hugs. Jennie missed her.

“Since when did you become such an alcoholic?” She remarks once they head in the living room where Rosie’s already set up glasses and what looks like a couple of bottles of vodka and coke – the _light_ ones.

“Never.” Rosie chuckles. “I just wanted to drink and watch a cute romantic comedy, and I missed you, so I invited you over.”

“Glad to know I was an afterthought.” She quips and makes herself comfortable in Rosie’s couch. “Nice furniture.”

* 

“Can you repeat that sentence for me please?” Rosie blinks, eyes wide. Her words are incredibly slurred and Jennie wants to laugh at how easily she gets drunk, but she’s already there herself. Jennie looks at the empty bottle of vodka, and the other one that’s only a quarter-way full. She gets increasingly dizzy as she stares at the floor that’s somehow looking farther away as each second passes.

“You already heard me.” She grumbles.

“Yes, but that—what you said was a little ambiguous. _Heartbroken_ , over what?” The remark is followed by a scoff. “The group breaking up? That’s such a lame excuse – even for you.”

Jennie laughs. “Not that, silly. I got…” she hiccups and burps into the back of her hand, “I got my _heart_ broken. By somebody.”

This statement makes Rosie straighten in her seat. “Woah, woah, hold on, let me just—wow, wow, _wow_ , that’s— _who_?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“What do you mean I don’t want to know, of course I want to know, why would I not want to know?” Rosie puts on her pleading puppy face but Jennie is immune. It’s something she’s still weak to, of course, and she’d probably buy Rosie a tub of ice cream if she asked her with that face, but this is different—monumentally different, and she really does not want to disappear again for a second time.

“Let’s just say we weren’t going to happen.” And Jennie keeps it at that. For the rest of the bottle, Rosie kept pushing but Jennie kept diverting the subject until it was dropped, and it wasn’t until a while after midnight that they both fell asleep in the living room.

*

Jennie had expected to have a hangover, of course, and she thinks – _two consecutive hangovers, really?_ When she wakes up she’s sprawled all over Rosie’s rug, and although it’s soft and warm, it doesn’t offer any sort of back support and she can’t even get up on her own without gripping the edge of the couch and using it as leverage to pull herself up. The other girl isn’t anywhere to be found, presumably already making breakfast, as it’s the smell of coffee and the familiar sizzle of a frying pan that’s overwhelming her senses and making her head to the kitchen.

When she gets to the kitchen, however, it’s not Rosie who’s arranging a stack of pancakes.

It’s Jisoo.

Jennie stares off for a bit, squinting several times just to see if she’s not still drunk and she’s just having some intense hallucinations, but funnily enough, it _is_ actually Jisoo. Jennie’s still standing at the entrance to the kitchen, and Jisoo hasn’t sensed her presence yet, so she turns around already on her way to her escape route, when she hears Jisoo call her out.

_Fuck._

“Hey, Jennie. I made breakfast. I came over to pick Rosie up but you guys were rather… unsuited when I came in, so I took it to myself to make some food.” She explains and cracks an egg into the pan.

“Oh.” Jennie realizes how stupid she sounds, and she shouldn’t sound like this. She blames it on her hangover. “Where’s Rosie?”

“She took a shower.”

“Cool.”

She supposes there’s nothing else to do rather than stay in the kitchen now, because going back to the living room just seems stupid and rude… and the idea of eating sounds appealing.

“Come on, eat.” Jisoo gestures to a plate of pancakes and eggs and Jennie heads on over to the counter where a mug of coffee is already made. She sips on it and moans in satisfaction.

“I still remember how you took it,” The other girl says as she turns off the stove and sits beside her. The close proximity makes Jennie’s breathing a little wobbly. “The coffee, I mean.”

Jennie swallows. “No cream, two sugars.”

“It’s still disgusting and I don’t know how you can drink something that tastes like that.” Jisoo laughs when she sees the amount of food stuffed into Jennie’s face already. “The food’s not going to run away, you know?”

She rolls her eyes. “I know. I’m just _hungry_ —you know, that physical feeling of your stomach grumbling because of the acidity build-up in your-“

“—Thank you, I think I get it now.”

Jennie snickers and diverts her attention back to her food when she notices that her phone is sitting on the other side of the kitchen, charging. She asks Jisoo if it’s hers – Jisoo explains that she found Jennie’s phone dead on the couch so she charged it. Jennie leans against the wall where her phone’s charging at and opens it, groaning at the amount of notifications her phone got – she forgot to call Lucas last night.

01.13, Lucas Turner: _I know you’re still awake, I checked the world clock_

01.14, Lucas Turner: _I’m on my lunch break and I’m free for another hour_

01.16, Lucas Turner: _Kim_

01.16, Lucas Turner: _Jennie!!_

01.23, Lucas Turner: _Of all the nights you choose to sleep early. I hate you and now you’ll have to buy me lunch when you get back. I miss you, call me back soon._

He’s Jennie’s best friend. Without him, Jennie doesn’t even think she could have survived New York. Jennie was already a few weeks in the city, breaking down once every few hours because of how much she missed home and how lonely it was to stay in a place where she didn’t have anybody to talk to. And there came Lucas, pretty and smart when they’d met at a bar. Jennie was sitting alone when Lucas approached her, introduced himself and swept her off her feet. They started dating and it was nice. Jennie forgot about all the heartache she left behind in Seoul, she met his friends and made them friends of her own, and most importantly: she loved him. They were together until they weren’t anymore, which was fine to both of them and still continued being friends after.

He’s Jennie’s best friend, she hasn’t called him _once_ after touching down.

Without thinking, Jennie immediately presses the call button. Jisoo’s still sitting on the counter, looking incredibly amused by a video of a cat eating a banana. The call is answered after three rings.

“Lucas,” Jennie breathes, a genuine smile forming on her face. Although she won’t admit it to the recipient of the call, she misses him a lot.

“Oh, it’s you,” Lucas voice is monotonous. “How’s Korea?”

“Shut up you big baby, I know you miss me. Drop the act.” The words flow off her quickly and she misses the English language already. “Where are you?”

“I’m at Basement 55. Alone.” He grumbles. “My date stood me up.”

“That sucks,” Jennie says sympathetically. “For what it’s worth, I think she’s stupid for doing that.”

“And I wore my favorite shirt too.”

“The blue one?”

“Yes, the blue one.”

“I wish I could be there.” She says genuinely. Lucas has had a crush on that girl from HR in so long, and to hear that she stood him up makes her want to give him a hug.

“Enough about me. How are _you_ doing?”

Jennie looks at the scene in front of her: Jisoo, drinking coffee and eating eggs, and it looks horribly domestic – something off a distant dream she’s had. _I’m having hopeful delusions, and I need you to talk sense into me._ “Aside from the hangover, I’m pretty okay.”

Lucas scoffs. “Now I get why you weren’t answering your phone, you _meanie_.” He says indignantly and Jennie laughs.

“You’re _thirty-two_. I don’t think you get to use words like ‘meanie’ anymore.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.”

They talk more, and it only takes a few more minutes before Rosie enters the room – loose shirt and wet hair, clearly desperate for breakfast because she doesn’t even acknowledge Jennie by the corner of the room before tackling the plate reserved for her. Lucas hangs up then, telling Jennie he has to go, and Jennie leaves the phone and sits down on her seat from earlier, finishing up the now soggy pancake that has soaked up most of the syrup left on the plate.

“Who was that?” Rosie asks through half-chewed food.

“Don’t talk while—” Jisoo starts.

“—my mouth is full.” Rosie finishes for her. Jisoo’s unimpressed.

“So?”

“So what?” Jennie takes a sip from her coffee.

“Who’s that?” Rosie’s grin gets wider and it’s wicked. She wiggles her eyebrows, and Jennie scoffs at the implication.

“That was a _friend_.” Jennie stares at Jisoo who’s flicking her food with her fork boredly. She looks uncomfortable.

_Interesting._

_*_

_“We’re totally having kids, right?” Jisoo opens, and Jennie coughs up nasty half-chewed ramen and swallows it back down with the water bottle beside her. “Like, I’d want to adopt, but I also want one of our own. I want a small version of you.”_

_Jennie’s sure Jisoo’s just saying all of this to make fun of her, or it’s some sort of an elaborate prank to make Jennie uncomfortable, but the girl’s expression says otherwise as she’s wide-eyed and_ excited _, her eyes crinkled._ _“So what do you say?”_

 _“Isn’t that a little too_ , _I don’t know,_ soon _?”_

_“Nothing’s too soon.”_

_“I’m just 24, Jisoo. There’s career, and fans, and—”_

_“I’m not proposing we do this anytime soon,” Jisoo says and presses her lips together. “I’m sorry I assumed things. I’m not sure we can even keep this up any longer, given the circumstances. I just… thought you wanted a normal life after this.”_

_“Baby,” Jennie stands up and goes to Jisoo, holding her face. “Hey, look at me. I want it – the normal life? I want that. I want to share my life with you once we’re out of_ this _, and I do want kids and I want dogs and a backyard and I want all of that with you. But I can’t think about it right now. YG’s breathing down our necks and the fans already suspect something. We have to focus on the group first.”_

_Jisoo groans and pouts. “When did you become so mature all of a sudden? Last time I checked I was the unnie of the group.”_

_Jennie smiles, bumps her nose with Jisoo’s, and kisses her chastely. “Only by a year.” Jennie doesn’t stop though, trailing kisses on Jisoo’s jaw to her ear and to her neck, and she’s already squirming in her seat._

_“It’s a whole year, Jennie, treat your senior with respect.” Jisoo lets out a deep breath when Jennie’s teeth grazes on a particularly sensitive spot behind her ear. She grins smugly once she pulls back and assesses Jisoo who’s all flustered and red._

_“I hate you.” She breathes._

_“I love you too.” Jennie laughs and continues on consuming the instant ramen Jisoo whipped up for her when she complained she was hungry. “And I’d want a little boy.”_

_Jisoo breaks into a smile._

*

Lisa’s getting married Friday next week.

This, of course, is something that’s always on the back of Jennie’s head – sirens blaring, reminding her that she’s only here for a short amount of time and that she has a life in New York she has to go back to. Not that Jennie plans on staying anyway. There’s too much baggage around her, a five-foot-three baggage wrapped in a very pretty thing that resembles a woman that she loved years ago, and she can’t keep carrying it around pretending that she’s not burdened by it – because she _is_.

Every time she visits Lisa, or Rosie, Jisoo’s somehow always there, even when she physically isn’t. She sees Jisoo when she’s cracking jokes with Lisa, she sees Jisoo when she’s having serious conversations with Rosie, and she sees Jisoo in her apartment – obscure flashbacks of when she would dance around Jennie’s living room with nothing but an oversized shirt on, of when she would just lay down the couch for hours with her face buried into a book, of when she would massage Jennie’s back when they’d had a particularly draining practice session, of when they’d do nothing but stare at the ceiling while in each other’s arms and talk about the future.

The future.

Jennie supposes she can’t do anything about that now – she already is in the future that 25-year old her was thinking of. She’s reached it. She has plenty enough regrets to mull over while she’s in the comfort of the silence in her apartment.

Although once in a while, she finds herself wondering about what would have happened if she _did_ come back for Jisoo, ask to whisk her away in a foreign country and live there forever, and she’d daydream of wine and fruit and sunsets and strawberry-glossed lips and _her_ , under the honey sunlight and she’d be beautiful. This daydream comes in waves, increasingly now, the longer she stays in Seoul.

It’s getting dangerous.

So she calls.

“Hello?”

“Lucas, it’s me.”

“Jen, hey! Hold on, are you okay?”

Jennie snickers. “Of course I am.”

“Just checking. Since you’re calling me at a… Saturday night. It’s Saturday there, right?” There’s a shuffling sound on the background, and the very familiar shout of an impatient New York City cab driver.

“Yep.” She bites her lip. “Actually, I’m a little less than okay.”

“ _Ha_ , I knew it. Time may have passed but I still know you more than anyone else, Kim.”

“You call six days ‘ _time_ ’?”

“Don’t make fun of me missing you. New York just feels empty without you here.”

Jennie smiles down the phone. Unlike other men, Lucas would share his feelings without hesitance – another thing Jennie loves about him. “I miss you too.”

“So,” the word is dragged out. “Why are you ‘less than okay’ again?”

She sighs. “I thought I could do it.”

“Do what?”

“Keep it platonic. I don’t know _how_ to, Luke. When she’s there, we’re friendly and it’s okay but all I really want to do is hold her hand and kiss her. I hate it here.”

“Oh,” his voice is soft, almost sympathetic. Lucas is the only person that Jennie’s ever told it to – the whole whirlwind of romance and the hiding and kissing behind closed doors with her bandmate. She’d told him the story long before they even started dating, because he was the type of person anybody would feel comfortable talking to about anything – even topics that could destroy them, because the honesty is in his eyes, and Lucas would never do anything to harm another person. He’s admirable in ways that Jennie wishes she was. “Why _don’t_ you?”

The question stumps Jennie. “She hates me.”

“No she doesn’t.”

“You say that like you know her.”

“I don’t,”

“Exactly.”

“—But. I know you. Nobody could _hate_ you, Jen. Even the cruelest people could never.”

She blinks back the tears threatening to spill out. “She’s going to reject me, Luke. She’s _directing_ —God, I could ruin her career again. I _could_.”

“Hey, come on, don’t think about that yet.”

“She’s going to reject me, Luke.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I want to go home.” Jennie holds back a sob. She didn’t have the time to cry over the days she’s been here – she’s always been with the girls, or too drunk, or too drunk with the girls. But now, in the solemnity of her old apartment on a Saturday night with an old season of Friends playing on her TV on mute, she lets herself cry.

“Jennie—”

“I could book a flight for tomorrow and I’d… I’d be okay there. I’ll be home. I _could_.”

“Jennie, hear me out,” his voice is stern. “You went there for a reason, right?”

“For Lisa’s wedding, yes.”

“Then do that. Go do the wedding, then come back here.”

“It’s so far—”

“It’ll only be a few more days, Jen.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, buddy.”

“It feels like you don’t want me there.”

Lucas chuckles. “Trust me, your company is most wanted. But you have to _not_ be stupid and go do the wedding before you do another thing you’ll regret.”

“Okay.” She smiles bitterly.

_All I really want is to do is hold her hand and kiss her._

_Why don’t you?_

*

05.24, Lucas Turner: Hey, I just got off work. Timezones are crazy n you’re prolyl still asleep but I racked my head for advice to give so

05.24, Lucas Turner: Just seduce her. Wear those jeans you like and the shirts you and kels go crazy over

05.25, Lucas Turner: It’s obvious that you’re not over her yet so it just seems logical to try and win her back. Or at least try to

05.25, Lucas Turner: Life’s too short to sit around and do nothing, you know? And I love you so you need to get it together and ask her out on one date.

*

She thinks about it.

 _Really_ thinks about it as her and Jisoo are the only ones left on the kitchen table as the other two – Rosie and Lisa – already rushed to the pool, automatically leaving them in charge of the dirty dishes ( _“I’m the bride, I’m not supposed to do_ any _washing.” “And I’m the maid of honor_ , _so by extension I’m also exempted from_ any _washing or cleaning.”_ ) and before they know it they’re alone in the room, and the only sounds to be heard are the soft sounds of an old song playing Rosie’s record player and the sounds of splashing water from outside.

It’s nothing short of awkward and Jennie wants nothing else but to talk to Jisoo and run away from her simultaneously. It would be so easy to grab her hand and kiss her, so easy to fall back into their regular pattern – the one where they fall in love every day, deeper and deeper – but it’s been five years since they last talked, had a _proper_ conversation, just the two of them. They’re not the same people anymore.

“So,” Jisoo cuts the silence with an intonation that Jennie can’t quite put her finger on – like Jisoo’s thinking of something to say. “I’ll wash, you dry?”

Her eyes widen. “Sure.”

It doesn’t make sense. They used to have conversations about the most _risqué_ topics, hours-on-end discussions on who’s the best character in Les Miserables, but now she can’t even find the words to form a coherent sentence without stopping at the first syllable she lets out. It gets even more uncomfortable when she realizes that this is how they used to do it when they cleaned the dishes. Jennie would gather the plates and glasses and put them in the sink and Jisoo would wash them and Jennie would wipe them to dry – and they’re doing it now, like old times, except now they’re acting like strangers, like this wasn’t what they used to do since they first became friends during trainee days. The silence is suffocating. It reminds Jennie of her first night here – the cold wind of the city blowing into her face, the thin fabric of her dress not much help, her grip on her champagne glass, Jisoo confronting her.

It reminds her of _Why didn’t you come back for me?_ and _I didn’t think you wanted me to_ and she wants to throw up.

She dries the plates so absentmindedly that she drops one and it shatters right beside her feet, the crash ringing through the room. Jisoo immediately turns off the tap water and looks at the damage – Jennie’s barefoot, and she’s surrounded by sharp shards of ceramic. Jisoo’s conveniently wearing one of Rosie’s fluffy slippers.

“Holy fuck,” Jisoo says, clearly in shock. “Wait, Jennie, don’t move, okay? You’re going to cut yourself. I’m gonna find a broom and clean up—”

Jennie, without thinking (clearly), walks toward Jisoo to stop her because this is _her_ mess and she should clean it but the second she moves her foot she feels it – something digging into the sole of her feet and the sting of blood escaping from her skin and she yelps.

“Fuck,” she lifts her foot up and goes back to where she stood, leaning against the sink.

“I told you to stand still!” Jisoo says with annoyance. She rolls her eyes in a manner that clearly says something about how Jennie can’t follow instructions, but soon the expression turns into something soft and she immediately drops down to check on Jennie’s foot, making sure to avoid any of the debris from the plate. “You cut yourself.”

“That obvious, huh?”

Jisoo doesn’t laugh. “This isn’t funny, Jennie.”

“Stop being so serious – it’s just a cut. I’ll put some alcohol and band-aid on it and call it a day.” She says with nonchalance, but she feels nothing like nonchalant right now. The opposite, really. The _cuts_ hurts like hell and she shouldn’t be such a baby about it – but _fuck_ has it been long since she felt anything akin to physical pain.

“Stop being so stubborn. Go sit on the counter and I’ll clean up.”

Jennie does what she’s told, because clearly she can’t do anything right at this moment. It only takes a short time before Jisoo’s already back in the kitchen, carrying a broom, a dustpan, and a small first-aid kit.

“I’m sorry I made a mess.” Jennie looks down, biting her lip. “I’ll finish doing the dishes. There’s a few plates left.”

Jisoo sweeps the floor, reaching the crevices to make sure there’s no more rogue plate shards on the floor. “You’re not doing anything.” She sweeps the shards into the dust pan. “You’re going to stay there and I’m going to clean your wounds, and you’re going to sit in the couch after.”

Jennie rolls her eyes. “I’m not a baby, I can take care of myself.”

“Clearly,” It’s supposed to be a sarcastic retaliation, maybe, but it sounds a little more less _You’re clumsy and you broke a plate, how are you still alive?_ and more _Clearly you can, because you’ve been gone for years._ Jennie swallows, her mouth suddenly dry.

“You don’t have to be so mean, you know.” She says softly, looking at the trail of blood on her foot coming from the cuts – a few shards are embedded but thankfully not a lot of them. She wonders how in the hell she’s going to wear her heels in Lisa’s wedding.

“Sorry.” Jisoo looks guilty. Jennie’s not used to seeing her like this – stiff, _formal_. When she’s done getting rid of the mess on the floor she grabs the first-aid kit and reaches for the cotton pad, soaking it in alcohol. Jennie’s not sure if she wants that near her. The last time she felt anything like disinfectant hitting a fresh wound is when she would pick at her fingers and squeeze a lemon afterward. “This is going to hurt.” Jisoo says with a grimace, sympathetic, because Jennie didn’t get one simple cut, _no_ , she got it all over her foot – traces of sharp ceramic and blood.

And surely enough, when Jisoo gets to cleaning the wounds, she yelps in pain.

“What the _hell_ is that?”

“It’s alcohol, don’t be dramatic.” She says and continues to clean the affected areas. Jennie seethes in response to the sting.

When she’s done cleaning them, she reaches for the tweezers she soaked in the same rubbing alcohol. “I’m going to remove the shards, okay? Some of them got under there.” Jennie winces at the sight – fragments of ceramic being removed from under her skin. She curses herself for being stupid. She should’ve just stayed _still_ like Jisoo had told her to, should’ve just waited for her to clean up, but instead she stepped on the broken plate.

Her inner brain betrays her when the thought of Jisoo being so close to her – _touching_ her with care and concern all over her face – and making sure she’s okay is well worth it to have stepped on a hundred broken plates for crosses her mind.

“This is nice,” She says in an awkward tone, letting out a puff of breath when Jisoo pulls out another piece.

“Sorry.” Jisoo says as she puts the fragment on a tissue by Jennie’s side. “I’m trying to be gentle. I’m not exactly an expert at this.” She gestures to bloody tweezers.

Jennie bites her lip. “Lisa told me what happened when you were in New York.” She opens, and Jisoo stiffens at the words, stopping midway from wiping off the blood.

“Oh?” She asks, breaking eye contact and focusing on cleaning Jennie’s wounds. There’s nothing left embedded in there anymore – Jisoo plucked each shard off. Jennie still winces when the rubbing alcohol meets her torn skin. “What did she say?”

“That I didn’t come meet you.” Jennie supplies, hoping to get a reaction from Jisoo – a _real_ reaction, one that’s not clearly held back. “That you went and you waited at the airport, that I didn’t come to pick you up.”

Jisoo lets go of Jennie’s foot – it’s not yet done, not yet bandaged. Jennie shifts, the corner of the marble counter already digging into the back of her legs. “What did you expect me to say _say_ to her, Jennie? That I came there and we spent the week in your apartment – _fucking_? Did you want me to say that to her? Or did you expect me to tell her that you told me you were coming back for me on my thirtieth birthday, or _never_ at all? Did you expect me to tell her of _all_ the promises you made to me that you inevitably broke?”

During the long span of their forbidden relationship, after the countless fights and misunderstandings and the making-ups and falling outs, Jisoo’s never yelled at her like this. She feels her heart break, and it’s like breaking up again – _You’re so selfish, you never thought of anyone but yourself, I hate you_ – and her eyes well up with tears. She doesn’t have the strength to hold them back anymore. “That’s not fair.”

Jisoo scoffs. Her jaw is clenched. “You want to know what’s not fair?” She’s angry, Jennie can tell from the way Jisoo’s fists are clenches, and from how her voice sounds like nothing but disdain. “What’s not fair is me looking like an idiot at my own birthday party thinking you arranged it, and crying for a whole month _again_ —feeling like an idiot for ever giving you the power to break my heart—blaming myself _again_ for you wanting to be anywhere else than here. That’s what’s not fair. _Believing_ in something that you promised.”

The inside of Jennie’s cheeks are bleeding from how hard she bit them, and when she wets her lips she tastes the salt from her tears. She feels pathetic, and there’s nothing more she wants than to leave again, with no explanation other than she doesn’t feel at home here.

Jisoo’s crying too, her tears messy and her nose red. She uses the back of her hand to wipe her tears away and Jennie wishes she’d done that – but she’s motionless under Jisoo’s stare, not capable of doing anything but cry.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I’d come back for you on your birthday.” She says, tenderly, scared that if she rose her voice by a little something would break inside her. “But I just, I _saw_ how happy you were, and you were nominated for an Orizzonti for your short last year and I—I just knew you were thriving, and I didn’t want to ruin anything anymore, so when the new year came and your birthday was almost up on the calendar I stopped myself from booking a flight.”

She extends her arm, trying to grab Jisoo’s hand but Jisoo shakes it off as she makes contact, stepping back. “That’s _bullshit_.”

“I was doing the right thing, Jisoo. You were already the happiest I’ve ever seen you be and you were living your dreams—”

“ _I’m not happy_!”

Jennie freezes in her seat and Jisoo does the same. They’re stunned from Jisoo’s sudden outburst, both looking like they’re frozen in time. “Jisoo, I—” before she can continue her sentence, she’s interrupted by Lisa walking into the kitchen, the sound of wet feet stopping when she sees what she’s walked into.

“Uh,” She asks nervously, looking around at the kitchen and staring at Jennie, still obviously injured, and Jisoo who looks distraught. “What happened here?”

“Nothing.” Jisoo says in a standoffish manner, immediately walking away, but not after she rips off her necklace and gives it to Jennie, who’s still having a few tears fall out of her eyes. Jennie stares at the necklace and quickly recognizes it. It’s a chain with the ring she’d given Jisoo before everything. The few tears double, and triple, and soon enough she’s full on crying as she realizes what Jisoo returning the ring meant. She hops off the counter – wincing immediately in pain as her uncovered wounds hit the floor, but she doesn’t care. Nothing hurts anymore. She needs to _catch_ her.

Before she can even get halfway through the living room, pathetically dragging her other foot, she hears a familiar rev of a car, and sees Jisoo driving out of the property.

She lost her. Again.

Jennie jerks in surprise when she feels an arm touch her by the shoulder, and she sees that it’s Lisa. The girl’s stare is soft and she almost feels pathetic just by receiving it. “Let her cool off. She’ll come back.”

*

_There’s something so calming about being cooped up in her apartment during rush hour on a Friday afternoon, the distant cacophony of blaring cars reaching her unit at the fourth floor, while she’s in bed with Jisoo, legs tangled together as the other girl takes a well-earned nap after walking aimlessly in city for the majority of the day._

_It’s her last day in the city. She wanted to extend her visit, but her tourist visa can only do so much on such a short notice. Jennie doesn’t want her to go, but she supposes there’s a reason she left in the first place. It’s not to leave her friends, or family, but she just wants to_ let go _of Jisoo – and she knows that the girl wouldn’t let them break up, not without proper reason – so she leaves._

_Somehow, in true Kim Jisoo fashion, she shows up unexpectedly and Jennie has no choice other than to drive to the JFK Airport._

_When Jisoo wakes up, it’s a little after the sun has set, and she groans against Jennie’s chest. Jennie smiles in adoration when the girl scrunches her nose and begins to open her eyes one by one. “Good morning,” Jisoo greets, tightening her grip at Jennie’s waist._

_“It’s 6 in the evening,” She replies, gesturing at the already-dark view of the outside._

_“It’s morning somewhere else in the world.”_

_“Ah,”_

_“I’m hungry,” Jisoo’s voice is muffled by Jennie’s shirt that she’s snuggling into. “Get us something to eat.”_

_She smiles triumphantly. “Way ahead of you. I got us Chinese, if that’s okay?”_

_“More than okay, I want dumplings.”_

_“Good.”_

_“Good.”_

_Jennie trails her fingers along Jisoo’s arms, watching at how the hair on her skin stands when she touches it. Jisoo looks incredibly peaceful like this – lying down beside her, her arms around Jennie’s waist, and if she had one wish it would be to immortalize this feeling and tuck it into a safe corner in her heart._

_“Are we still broken up?” Jisoo’s voice cracks. She still has her eyes closed._

_“Yes.”_

_“Why?”_

_“You have things to do, I have things to do.”_

_“We can do them together.”_

_“We can never come out, Jisoo.” She says, pausing. “Even after we’re done doing show business, we’re always going to be_ online _. Our lives are always going to be broadcasted for the whole world to see.”_

_Jisoo’s handle on her waist loosens, and it drops into the bed. “We don’t have to come out.”_

_“Aren’t you tired of hiding?”_

_“I am.”_

_“So you understand why I’m doing this?”_

_“No.” Her eyes are open now, looking into Jennie’s. “I don’t.”_

_“We’ve been in the industry for as long as I can remember, Jisoo. I’m not supposed to_ just _be a kpop artist. I don’t want to be just that. I want to do something different…_ change _my life.”_

_“And you can’t do that with me.” Jisoo supplies for her, nodding in acceptance._

_“You’re going to do something different too. You’ll pursue your movie thing. You’ll meet people and make experiences of your own.”_

_“What if I don’t want to?”_

_“We need to.” Jennie insists. She cups Jisoo’s face, tenderly wiping away the tears with her thumb. “And I promise you – someday, I’ll be back. When you’ve done everything you wanted to and I became everything I wanted to be, I’ll come back for you.”_

_She sniffs. “And when’s that?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

*

She doesn’t come back.

The sun’s already setting and Jennie’s still lying on Lisa’s couch, her injured foot now covered in gauze as she tries to digest what happened. After Jisoo left, Lisa took care of her wounds and didn’t poke her for any information about the fight. Although she did ask the basics – the _why were you fighting in Rosie’s kitchen_ , and the _what happened to your foot_ where partially unanswered, and Jennie left it at vague. She didn’t want the younger girl to stick her nose into something she didn’t want her to be involved with. Jennie just said that she’d broken a plate and they had a heated argument and left it at that.

She’s waiting until the sky has fully dimmed, and only then will she get up and get her keys, drive home and forget any of this had even happened. When the minutes pass and the sun’s already set, Jennie sighs pathetically and forces herself back up, grabbing at her purse on the coffee table. Rosie and Lisa are somewhere in the kitchen, evidenced by the loud sizzling from the food and the loud banter from the girls coming from that area. With her purse in hand, she walks to the kitchen, dragging her injured foot along and finds that the two girls aren’t actually cooking at all – Lisa’s fiancée, Josh, is cooking and the two are just sitting on the counter excitedly waiting for the food.

Jennie clears her throat to catch the two’s attention, and they both turn their heads along with Josh.

“Hey! Come on, sit down. We’re making fun of Josh’s futile attempt at making Japchae.” Lisa humors, a cheeky grin taking over her face. She’s speaking in English, and it’s clear that she’s doing it because he doesn’t understand their vernacular.

Her fiancée sneers in return. “Just wait until I’m done. You’re gonna be sorry you ever underestimated my culinary skills.”

Lisa giggles. “He doesn’t have any,” she whispers, but it’s intentionally loud for him to hear so he lets out a _hey, I heard that_ which makes Rosie laugh. Jennie laughs along at the dynamic of the couple.

Despite the two girls’ insults though, Jennie can see that the dish is actually looking good and it smells _fantastic_. She sighs when she realizes she’s going to miss dinner.

“Hey, actually,” She says when they’re heavily engaged in a conversation on what the best cocktail is. “I have to go. I just remembered I have this really important business call for tonight and I have to be home to use my laptop.” She makes up the excuse, because why not – she’s not exactly lying, she _will_ make a very important call on her laptop… but she said it in a modified version that won’t lead to intrusive questions.

“You won’t stay for dinner?” Rosie asks.

“No, uh, I think I overstayed my welcome and… I’m a little bit tired, anyway. I’ll just grab food outside and rest.”

“You’re always welcome here.” Lisa chimes in. Jennie raises her eyebrow in response.

“This isn’t even your house.”

“Still, though,” Rosie interjects. “You’re always welcome here. You’re not overstaying, unnie.”

It’s been a long time since Jennie’s heard that word – _unnie_. It falls off the younger girl’s lips so softly that Jennie almost wants to cry, because she gets transported to a time she both hated and loved, of when she got addicted to fame and hated herself for every bad thing that the public didn’t like about her, of when she would cry in the darkness of her apartment and the girls would come over with ice cream and try to get over a grueling week of the same bullshit they’d been fed up with. She breathes and the air feels a little hotter, her eyes feel a little wetter.

“Thanks.” It’s a weak delivery, but genuine nonetheless. Both Lisa and Rosie look at her with concern and it’s clear to Jennie that they both want to ask about what happened with Jisoo, but have enough restraint not to. “I really have to go, though, so… I’ll see you guys tomorrow?”

“We’ll walk you out.” Lisa says, grabbing Jennie’s arm.

“Okay. Thanks.”

*

_Dear Jisoo,_

_I’ve been meaning to text and call, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Doing so would give you my number, and I don’t think giving you a way to contact me is something I should be doing after a month of breaking up._

_I haven’t talked to any of our friends, so I don’t know how you’re doing, but I hope you’re doing well. Although, I’ve been brushing up on my Naver articles – thank God for journalism majors who thought they’d be making a difference but actually end up just writing puff pieces on idols – and I read about you being rushed to the hospital for breaking your ankle weeks ago. I almost booked a flight. Hopefully your ankle’s okay now, and you’re doing your weekly pilates class._

_Anyway, I’m rambling a bit, so I’m going to cut to the chase. I’ve thought about it a lot – what you asked, and when I’m really coming back. I told you I’d come back when I’d done everything I wanted to, but that’s a little vague and the least I could do is give you a definite timeframe._

_Wait for me on your thirtieth birthday. I’m going to be there. If I’m doing the math right, it’s on January 3, 2025. It would be enough time for you and I to rediscover ourselves outside the group._

_If I don’t come back at that day, don’t wait for me anymore. Although that’s highly unlikely, because I can’t not come back for you after four years._

_Please don’t reply to this email… I’m tired of drinking. (Don’t worry – it’s all in moderation.)_

_Always remember that I’m in love with you, and will continue to do so until we’re grown._

_On 2025, I hope you pack your bags, because I’m going to whisk you off into a foreign country you always wanted to go to (Greece, or maybe France, or one of those Mediterranean cities you’ve always talked about) and we’re going to build a life together, outside of the mess we’ve been tangled in for almost a decade._

_This letter is already 200 words more than I planned, so I’m going to cut it from here._

_Do all the things you’re destined to do, continue writing your screenplays, and I’ll be somewhere watching your accomplishments from afar._

_You’re my person, Jisoo. Don’t forget it._

_*_

Maybe it’s a little stupid to go to her starred emails and scroll down for a couple of minutes to go find _that_ letter, but she does it anyway and reads it out loud with a glass of wine on her hand, and Lucas’ judgmental stare from her phone screen.

“That’s a shitty email,” He remarks once Jennie’s done reading it, head in her hands as she sobs pathetically and gulps down another glass of wine, something Lucas grimaces at.

“Was it?” She pouts, skimming the whole thing and sobbing again once she realizes that it _is_ a shitty email. “Oh my _God_ , it is! _It fucking is_!”

Lucas laughs from the phone at her friend, because she’s not crying in a manner that would make someone sympathize with her, she’s just maniacally laughing and sobbing at how stupid she was for not keeping her promise and laughing at photos of her with Jisoo. Maybe it’s the alcohol. “I can’t believe you lied that much on one email.”

Jennie scowls, refilling her glass of wine. “I wanted to keep my promise.”

“Wanting to keep a promise is a lot different than actually keeping a promise.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?” She asks, voice suddenly hostile.

“I _was_ , until you read me that email. Poor Jisoo,” He _tsk_ s and shakes his head afterwards, making Jennie flip him off which results in a laugh from Lucas. “You didn’t even follow my advice.”

“What advice?”

“I texted you yesterday, dumbass. Didn’t I tell you to win her back?”

“ _Yes_ ,”

“Then why are you sitting in your apartment drinking wine instead of doing that?”

Jennie chuckles into her glass. “Well, for starters, we had an ugly fight just a few hours ago.”

“That’s—”

“—And she hasn’t texted me back when I told her I was sorry and when I asked her what I needed to do for her to forgive me.”

“Oh.”

“Yep,” she sighs. “Saying we’re not on speaking terms is an understatement, Luke. And how am I supposed to win her back anyway?”

“I don’t know. How do gay girls do it?”

“I don’t _know_. I’ve only been with one woman and she hates me.”

Lucas’ small smile turns into a cheeky grin. “Now I know that’s a lie.”

Jennie rolls her eyes. “It was one time.”

“Oh? And what about Kels?”

“Fine, it happened twice. But I wasn’t in _love_.”

“Ah,” His grin grows again when he realizes something. “But you were in love with me though.”

“Keyword: were.”

“But you _were_ ,” He says it with a smugness that makes Jennie want to punch him on the face. “Don’t worry, I’m not into you now. We don’t have to revisit anything.”

“Excuse me?” Jennie scoffs. “ _I’m_ not into _you_.”

“Sure, sure,” he laughs and it takes a few seconds before Jennie laughs along. It’s impressive how quickly they fell into a platonic relationship after their breakup. Although their romance was short, their friendship stuck, and it’s been the only thing tethering Jennie down to the ground over the years.

“I really hurt her, huh?” She asks softly once their laughter has died down.

“I don’t think I should be the one you’re asking.”

“You think I should go talk to her?”

“We’ve had this exact conversation five times now, Jennie, and I don’t think you’re catching on—”

“Fine, I’m doing it, you ass.”

*

22.23, Jennie Kim: _Where do you live?_

22.25, Kim Jisoo: _Why?_

22.26, Jennie Kim: _I’m coming over._

22.27, Kim Jisoo: _It’s late._

22.27, Jennie Kim: _Which makes it better._

22.28, Kim Jisoo: _Have you been drinking?_

22.29, Jennie Kim: _Irrelevant. Tell me your address or I’m going to your old one._

22.30, Kim Jisoo: _I don’t live there anymore._

22.30, Jennie Kim: _Then tell me your new address because if not, I’m going there anyway._

22.30, Kim Jisoo: _You’re drunk._

22.31, Jennie Kim: _Address please_

22.32, Kim Jisoo: _There’s no winning, is there?_

22.32, Jennie Kim: _None_

22.34, Kim Jisoo: _Stay there. I’m coming over instead. You’re drunk, you can’t drive and I’m not letting you get into a taxi. Be there in twenty._

Jennie fist pumps into the air, grinning excitedly as she rereads the messages all over again. She’s not thinking well, she _knows_ that, but she’s slightly inebriated from the alcohol and there’s something about the dull pain at the sole of her foot that’s making her focus less on the bad things that are probably going to happen when Jisoo eventually gets to her apartment and more on the bad things that had already happened, like fighting and screaming and blood.

She looks around her living room and it’s presentable enough. There’s not much left in her Seoul apartment apart from the furniture she didn’t bring to New York, and the more Jennie looks at it the more pathetic it feels rather than minimalistic. Her eye catches onto _one_ item in her living room though, and it’s the only thing that she remembers leaving apart from stacks of clothes. It’s a framed picture of her and Jisoo from ten years ago – the night they’d had their first kiss. They were both trainees then, and they’d just attended a TVXQ concert. Jennie has her arms around Jisoo’s neck and she’s kissing her cheek. She’s always had the picture in her living room as it was innocent enough to pass of as platonic.

Without thinking, she grabs the picture frame and hides it in her wardrobe.

She fixes the kitchen, too. She puts the half-full bottle of wine back in the refrigerator, cringing when she sees the amount of wine juxtaposed to the lack of food, and a half-eaten apple. She looks at her phone anxiously once every few minutes, because the twenty minute mark gets closer and closer by the second and—

There’s a knock on her door.

She takes a moment to inhale and recollect, _recompose_ herself before she makes an ass of herself and opens the door.

Breathing is something she forgets to do when she sees Jisoo at her door: in her sweatpants, and an oversized jacket over her tank top. It reminds her of a time long ago, of when they once practically shared the apartment together, with Jisoo staying over 6 days a week and with the majority of her clothes crammed into a tiny space in Jennie’s wardrobe.

“So, are you going to let me in or are you just going to stare at me? Because I can’t say it’s very attractive.” Jisoo says flatly, leaning against Jennie’s doorway and she suddenly remembers to draw a breath.

“Sorry, I, uh,” She stammers, moving to the side ang gesturing for Jisoo to come in.

“The place hasn’t changed at all.” She comments, taking off her jacket and setting it down on the sofa when she sits down. Jennie follows suit, feeling out of place in her own apartment. “Same couch, same TV… you know, you really should get one of those air-shuffle ones.”

“I don’t plan on staying too long.”

There’s a pause, and Jisoo laughs softly. “Of course you aren’t.” Jennie ignores the pang in her chest when she recognizes the bitter tone of her voice. “So, why did you want to see me?”

“I just wanted to see you.”

Jisoo looks at her, _what_ painted all over her face. “You saw me this afternoon.”

“I wanted to apologize for what happened.”

Jisoo recoils from her seat. She looks just as surprised as Jennie is. “Oh.”

“Not just for this afternoon.”

“Jennie—”

“No, look, let me talk.” She breathes, sitting down beside Jisoo on the couch. “I understand how awful what I did to you was.”

“I—”

“Shut up and let me talk, will you?”

Jisoo nods.

“I was an asshole. What I did to you was selfish, and I should have contacted you to tell you to not wait, and I should’ve done something before that date… maybe call, or text, but I was stupid. I thought I knew what was best for you, and clearly I didn’t.” She pauses and doesn’t acknowledge the small pool of moisture gathering in her eyes. She blinks back. “I really, _really_ , wanted to come back, Jisoo. You have no idea how much I almost typed in my card information on the airline website. But I didn’t know if you still wanted me. You were doing _amazing_ and you got nominated in international film festivals and I—you did all that without me. You didn’t need me messing up your life more than I already had.”

“Jennie…”

“I’m not finished. And you… you looked _so_ happy, Jisoo. I couldn’t take that away from you – especially when our relationship wasn’t the best for us. And—no, I’m not saying that us being together was bad, the _circumstances_ were horrible and toxic, and not being able to talk about you to anyone was suffocating. We were both drowning in our delusions, Jisoo, and I didn’t want to feel that way again. I didn’t want _you_ to feel that way again.”

Jisoo stares at her blankly. “Are you done?”

“Yes.”

“Can I speak now?”

Jennie nods.

“I would have came out. If you came back for me… I’d have told my mom. And our friends. If you wanted me to hold a press conference I would have.” She says gently.

“It would have ruined your career.”

“It wasn’t up to you to decide what’s best for me, Jen.” The sentence is spoken with a little more spite, and Jennie ignores how small it makes her feel. “I wanted to be with you so badly. After New York, I was a mess. It took Rosie physically pulling me out of bed just to eat. It took me _weeks_ to smile, Jen. Each night I spent up talking to you, texting your old number and emailing and wishing you read them and would reply back, but it never came. I didn’t think I’d be able to be okay without you. Breathing was _hard_ , and it was even harder when I couldn’t talk to anybody about it. It took me months to be okay again, and when I received your letter – it was everything I wanted and _more_. I felt reassured that it wasn’t an empty promise and that we’d be together again.”

Jennie’s silent. She didn’t know.

Jisoo’s always been the strong one in their group – she never cried in front of them, at least not to Rosie and Lisa. She always made sure to be a role model for the younger girls, she made sure that they felt confident because _she_ was confident, even with the constant unfair criticism she receives from random strangers online. Even when she’s fed up with everything, she never showed vulnerability to them, because she didn’t like to be weak. But at the end of the day, when she’s alone with Jennie at the dead of night she breaks down between Jennie’s arms and burrows her face into her neck.

Jennie didn’t think the breakup would take too much of a toll on Jisoo.

Clearly, like with everything else she’d done and thought lately, she was wrong.

“Imagine my surprise when I was scrolling through Instagram using Lisa’s account and I found a ‘close friends’ story of you and your boyfriend a month after you sent that letter.”

She ducks her head in shame. “We’re not together anymore.”

“You didn’t even have the decency to tell me.”

“I’m sorry.”

Jisoo shakes her head in disbelief, breathing deeply and sinking into Jennie’s couch even further. All Jennie wants to do is reach out, wrap her arms around Jisoo and tell her she’s sorry repeatedly until it doesn’t sound like a lie to her anymore – but she’s bound by guilt, and she can’t do anything but listen to what the girl in front of her says while tears flow down her cheek.

“I tried dating,” She brings up. It’s something Jennie knows about. “I just ended up breaking their hearts, and it was always the same excuse – I wasn’t over my ex. When I got the my first short film award at Sundance, I was wondering if you knew about it and just didn’t want to congratulate me, or if you weren’t actually aware. I didn’t know which option hurt worse.”

“I knew about it, Jisoo. I was so proud.” She pauses. “I always knew your art was going to bring you somewhere.”

“You’ve said.” She laughs in spite. “I’m sorry. I know I said I wanted to hang out and be friends again but I can’t—I _can’t_ do it.”

“Do what?”

“Be friends with you again.”

Jennie swallows. “We don’t have to be.”

“Okay.”

“Can you forgive me, though?” Jennie asks in a small voice that makes Jisoo hug her. It takes her breath away – the feeling of Jisoo’s arms wrapped around her, skin soft and warm. She almost forgets the time they’ve spent apart.

“Of course I do.” Jisoo laughs and pulls apart from the embrace, something Jennie tries to hide her disappointment from.

“What’s funny?” Jennie smiles and hopes it isn’t as fake as she thinks it is.

“ _This._ ” Jisoo gestures to the both of them. “I’ve always wondered what our closure would be like. I thought I’d never be able to actually face you.”

_Closure._

The word makes Jennie’s throat close up. She’d invited Jisoo to say sorry and to try and win her back, not _close_ a chapter of their story. This isn’t what she planned.

“You’re different.” She whispers.

“Years can really do something to a person.” Jisoo smiles. “And in what way? I’m curious.”

“You’re smarter.”

“Hey, I’ve always been smart!”

Jennie laughs. “I meant, like, you’re more mature. More reserved. If that makes sense.”

“It does.” The girl nods, pursing her lips together. “All this crying’s got me hungry. Do you have any food?”

“What happened to not being friends?” She remarks, raising an eyebrow.

“A non-friend can get me something to eat, can’t she?”

“I guess she can. But, uh, I don’t have food. We can get some from the convenience store?”

And so they do.

It’s a little awkward, but not enough to make Jennie feel uncomfortable. Jisoo is _still_ Jisoo after all, and the girl is nothing but a burning ball of energy, even thirty minutes before midnight. Jisoo doesn’t settle for the convenience store option – so they end up walking two hundred more meters to get to the nearest Shake Shack to satisfy their cravings for decent burgers. They don’t talk about _it_ for the whole night, not when they’re laughing at a funny anecdote Jisoo shares of when she took a one-year masterclass for directing, not when they’re making fun at the drunk group behind them, not when they’re huddled close walking back to Jennie’s apartment.

Jisoo ends up spending the night, she looked too tired to be behind the wheel and Jennie wasn’t about to let her drive, so she made her stay over and offered the bed (something she refused). Jisoo sleeps comfortably in the couch and when Jennie catches a glimpse of her asleep, she smiles and tucks in the memory somewhere in her brain.

Maybe they can be friends.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anddddd it took me 2 weeks to write a follow-up. sorry for that. enjoy the ride

_“Do you hate me?” Jisoo asks frankly when their fellow trainees file out of the dance studio. They’re the only ones left in the room, apart from the new Chinese girl in the corner who can’t understand more than ten words in Hangul._

_The question takes Jennie aback, because she hasn’t done anything to Jisoo – she’d never even_ talked _to her before. So, the fact that the girl is asking her if she hates her shocks her because Jennie is_ far _from hating Jisoo._

_"No!” Jennie recoils at how loud she answered. She recomposes herself and tries again, “No, unnie. What made you think that?”_

_Jisoo lets out a deep breath, a little exaggerated, but it shows Jennie that she’s relieved she doesn’t actually hate her. “I don’t know. You keep staring at me during rehearsals and your stare just looked… I don’t want to say malicious, but it was like that.”_

_Jennie laughs at the girl’s assumption, blushing a little at the realization that Jisoo notices her staring. She’s sure her face is bright red right now, but she can just blame it on the fact that they’d spent half of their day working on dance routines and on the bright lights in the studio. “I just have a really bad stare, unnie. It’s a resting bitch face, or so I’ve been told.”_

_It’s Jisoo’s turn to blush now, and Jennie can see her ears obviously getting redder than they were a couple of seconds ago. “This is really embarrassing.” The girl chuckles, taking a stray bundle of hair hanging in front of her face and tucking it behind her ear. “I_ really _thought I did something to you, or I annoyed you somehow. Now I realize I’m just being dramatic.”_

_"You’re not, unnie, I swear. A lot of people just get intimidated with my stare. It’s nothing new.” Jennie tries to make her feel better, but the sentence just makes the other girl look further mortified._

_"I was being judgmental. Oh God, I’m really sorry.”_

_"It’s nothing, I swear.” She smiles genuinely, trying to make the other girl feel better._

_Jisoo’s eyebrows are still drawn in a way that makes her look like she’s still feeling a little guilty, adding to Jennie’s amusement. “Do you want to get lunch? It’s my treat – it’s the least I can do… since I accused you of being a bitch that hates people for no apparent reason.”_

_"You didn’t accuse me of any of that.”_

_“But it was implied.”_

_Jennie shifts and clutches at her gym bag. “You don’t have to pay for my lunch.”_

_"Please? It would make me feel so much better about this misunderstanding.”_

_Then she realizes – she’s fucked. “Okay.”_

_They head out of the YG building, and Jisoo drags her to a nearby restaurant that serves ‘the best bibimbap and bingsu one could find in Seoul’, as described by her. Jennie, having been a resident in the city for quite some time after moving from New Zealand, hasn’t actually been in the place. It’s within walking distance from the building, but it takes a couple of turns and the restaurant is humble in itself with its outside décor. Jennie would never have walked in if it weren’t for the girl grabbing her by the arm and leading her to a booth beside the window._

_Inside is cozier than she expected. There’s a couple of people, and Jennie’s thankful that the restaurant isn’t so packed at 11 in the morning because she doesn’t think she can handle a headache after the routine they learned at dance practice._

_Jisoo orders for her, and they both get the same order of the rice bowl and soda._

_When the food arrives and Jennie takes a first bite, she_ moans. _“Oh my God,” she says, voice a little muffled by the food._

_“I’d tell you to not talk while your mouth is full but,” She grins, looking proud and accomplished. “You look like you’ve just entered heaven.”_

_“I think I just did.” Jennie continues when she swallows down the food. “This is the best thing I’ve eaten in_ years _.” She’s not exaggerating. The only food she’s been eating for a while are instant ramen noodles and fast food and the shitty japchae from the restaurant in front of her equally shitty apartment (if she can even call it apartment)._

_"Glad to know we have similar tastes.” Jisoo remarks when the girl takes another mouthful of her bibimbap. “I think we’re gonna get along.”_

_Jennie smiles. “I think so too.”_

**MONDAY** \--- 4 DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING

It isn’t surprising at all when Jennie wakes up and sees that Jisoo’s no longer lying on the couch, and that the blanket and pillow she’d lent to her last night were folded neatly on the corner of the sofa. It’s disappointing, sure, but not surprising. She didn’t actually expect Jisoo to still be there when she wakes up.

There’s no stray note somewhere in her living room, but there is the familiar smell of freshly brewed coffee wafting from her kitchen. She sees it – a paper bag she recognizes from the café two blocks away from her apartment (it’s also a place she frequented with Jisoo for a quick breakfast fix, and this whole associating every good thing that happened in this city with her ex thing is getting pretty tiring). When she opens it, there’s a cup of coffee and a flatbread.

For somebody who claimed she can’t be friends with Jennie again, the whole gesture feels a little too friendly for her taste. The coffee is just how she likes it, and Jisoo picked her favorite pastry from the shop. And if that’s not enough to fill Jennie up with gallons of hope, there’s also an accompanying note at the bottom of the paper bag, written on one of the paper napkins.

_Thanks for last night. Don’t forget to clean your wounds._

It’s short and frankly a little dry, but it makes Jennie swoon like she’s thirteen and watching a young Leonardo Dicaprio on VHS. It’s pitiful – Jennie’s aware that her feeling all kinds of butterflies for a short note is lame, but she doesn’t care. She knows she shouldn’t take this a sign of hope, because Jisoo had just been talking about _closure_ , but she does anyway and she eats her breakfast with a big smile on her face.

She goes through her emails on her laptop. Business, clothes, invitations, clothes _again_ , and—oh. Her eyes go wide when she reads the subject of the email and where it’s from. It takes her a few moments to actually register the email before she screams cheerfully and hops around the kitchen floor. It’s almost reflex at this point – the way her fingers seek out Lucas’ contact and taps the call button. It’s only past 8 am in Seoul, and that translates to 7 pm in New York, so there’s no way that Lucas won’t answer Jennie’s call.

Except he doesn’t.

Jennie furrows her brow when he doesn’t answer, shooting him a text immediately.

08.24, Lucas Turner: _CODE Y JENNIE_

When she reads the message she rolls her eyes in disbelief despite him not being able to see. _At least somebody's having fun_ , she thinks bitterly.

Although Jennie knows he won’t be able to read Jennie’s texts to him for another couple of hours, she sends him the good news anyway.

08.26, Jennie Kim: _I’m happy little Lucas is having fun at last, lol_

08.27, Jennie Kim: _I called to tell you I’ve been accepted to FIT,. They just emailed me and told me I can get in for the second sem or proceed next year._

08.27, Jennie Kim: _Anyway call me back when you’re done but NOT literally after you’re done. Take a whole hour before calling me after that._

Celebrating isn’t something that Jennie does on her own. She’s always been a social thing, gravitating towards people and getting happiness from the energy her friends give out. And since she’s not in New York and she can’t invite her friend group to a night out on one of the city’s overpriced clubs, she does the next best thing and calls up Rosie and Lisa, telling them about her being accepted to the school, and suddenly they’re already planning a girl’s hangout.

She’s a little reluctant to tell Jisoo, because it’s a little too fast, too soon, to act like they’re in that stage of their relationship where Jennie can just casually tell her about life-altering opportunities that are offered to her. But she does anyway. She sends her a quick text, telling her about her acceptance to FIT and inviting her to join the girls – if the other two hadn’t informed her already.

They all have jobs, of course, but everything in their life can pause for a while just to be there for Lisa and her last days to enjoy the single life. Jennie tries not to think about that too much – how fulfilling it must be to share your life with one person, be there through all the storms, build a family… and how she’d lost at that chance.

She puts the leftover flatbread on the refrigerator.

*

They hangout sometime in the afternoon to celebrate Jennie’s acceptance to FIT, watching a movie at their nearest cinema. It’s a public place, of course, and although they’re in a much reserved part of the city, they still get stopped by teens that ask for photos because _No, is that really Jennie? Oh my God, it’s_ all _of Blackpink_ , and Jennie feels a little happy that the group isn’t obsolete in pop culture yet. That’s Rosie and Lisa’s impact, she supposes, because the girls still dominate the charts like it’s no big deal.

Jisoo’s presence still bothers Jennie a little, even after Jisoo said she’s already forgiven her and after they ate all that junk food. But it’s fine, it’s _whatever_ , it’s not like Jennie can ignore her forever. And besides, they fall into an easy good-natured conversation because it’s easy when there’s two other people beside them that make a loud pair. Jennie doesn’t bring up breakfast, not while the other two are around.

The movie isn’t _great_ , but it isn’t bad either, something that Jisoo rants about when they’re about to grab boba teas at a nearby store.

“The music score was so distracting,” Jisoo says passionately as she sits down on a seat in the milk tea shop, quickly telling Rosie what drink she’s having. “It’s like the director just chose random copyright-free music off of soundcloud and plugged it into the movie.”

Jennie quickly remember Jisoo’s taste in movies – yes to movie franchises that have more than three movies (See also: Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean), yes to critically acclaimed movies, absolute hard _no_ on anything blockbuster, no on mediocre films. She either really likes irretrievably bad movies or movies that are nothing short of a masterpiece. There’s no in between.

“Not all of us went to film school,” Lisa comments.

“Film school or not, that movie was horrible.” Jisoo grumbles. “What a waste of money. I’m actually upset – it’s a rip-off.”

Jennie chuckles. “It’s W17,000 – how much of a rip-off can that be?”

“You’re supposed to take my side.”

“Fine, the movie’s terrible – it’s something only Satan could whip up.” Jennie humors.

“Thank you.” Jisoo says in an exaggerated voice, grateful that Jennie’s agreeing with her.

Lisa looks at the two. “Come on, it wasn’t that bad. At least the characters had great chemistry.”

“The guy was bland and _terrible_ at acting.”

“ _Unnie_! Jaekyung is a friend of mine!” Lisa sounds offended and it’s something that both of them laugh at. Jennie’s aware of the girl’s friendship with the actor – it’s actually why they even saw the movie in the first place. If it were up to Jisoo, they’d never have spent even a single Won for the movie, but it was Lisa’s treat and she used the ‘future bride’ excuse. “He’s not terrible – it’s just the script.” She defends.

“Is that why I never hired him for a part when he auditioned?” Jisoo retaliates. “Ren’s a pretty good screenwriter,”

Lisa rolls her eyes and pouts. “Now you guys are just being mean.”

Their conversation continues on as Rosie gives them their orders – Jennie rediscovers the _wonders_ of salted caramel milk tea and googles if there’s a near branch of the shop near her apartment. Rosie brings up that she’s recording an album, something that they all rave about until she tells them she’s quitting music after.

“It’s going to be the last record I’m going to make.” She drops, giving the table a little moment of silence before they all jump in with _what_ s and _why_ s.

“But you’re the staple of any romantic Korean drama soundtrack -- you leaving is going to be the death of television.” Jisoo comments when their questions are answered by a simple shrug.

“They can find other artists.” She takes a sip of drink. “And, you know… I’m getting a little old. I don’t want to spend, like, the last two years of my twenties dancing and singing around anymore.” The girls are silent, and Rosie continues. “And the media circus is just _awful_ , I’ve been in it for a decade, I don’t want anything to do with it anymore.”

Jennie remembers exactly how Rosie feels – she still feels it occasionally, at times when she’s in event functions and the headlines always brand her as _former Blackpink member_ , and when she’d attended Lisa’s engagement party. Since their first day in the company, even as rookies, they’ve been trained to not look at the internet and at comments on any of their photos. It didn’t matter if the comments were positive, because there’s always going to be a shroud of bad ones that’ll outnumber the good ones. Over the years, Jennie had practiced her hands never to type in naver’s website and never to look at Instagram comments under her posts, but since she’s left the industry the practice has faded and the past few days she’s been looking at online forums that talk about her being back in Seoul.

The comments do nothing to her now – she’s not concerned about her career anymore, because it’s no longer based on what people think about her. Love her, hate her; it didn’t matter anymore. She doesn’t need to dance and sing to hear people clap for her anymore.

She wonders why Rosie hasn’t left sooner, and realizes that the girl’s still in love with it – the music, the thrill of having a whole stadium cheer for you. Jennie’s lost that love a long time ago, especially when it kept her from having the happiness she so exceedingly craved for.

*

Incredibly on brand, they all head to Lisa’s for a drink.

Drinking’s not out of the ordinary for them – especially now that they’re no longer under a microscope – but it definitely was when they were still in the group. They were only ever allowed to go to clubs and bars when a certain celebrity would throw a party and they were invited, and even alcohol drinking was mostly discouraged because it mostly would lead to hangover, and hangovers were definitely not something any of them wanted when they had tight schedules and rare break-days. So, now that Jennie’s actually here and they’re all back together again and _allowed_ to drink alcohol, they grab the chance at it any time.

Fortunately enough, Lisa’s fiancée makes excellent drinks, if Jennie says so herself because the margarita she’s having makes her want to take 5 more glasses of it, but he’s already slipped in somewhere the penthouse to leave them along for a girls’ night.

“I think I’m in love with your husband,” Jennie says to Lisa dreamily as she sips her drink, gathering a chuckle from Rosie who’s enjoying her own. “You get to marry _this_?” She gestures to the frosted glass.

Lisa smiles a little. “That’s kind of how we met, actually.”

“You met Josh because of cocktails?”

“I met him when Wendy unnie was hosting a summer barbeque party and he was there,” She shares. There’s the same light expression on her face and Jennie knows what that is – she’s in love, _really_ in love. Jennie’s never seen that look on her face before, because the only guys Lisa was seeing at the time when Jennie was still around were bland, frankly _undeserving_ , and so she’d never been in love. So seeing Lisa now, years after hopping around each toxic relationship to another, and finally settling and falling in love with a great guy makes Jennie happy. It’s satisfying to see one of the best people in her life have her happy ending. “He was manning the bar at the time and he gave me the _best_ sex on the beach.”

The statement makes Rosie giggle. “Sex on the beach,” she repeats, a little silly and Jisoo giggles along with her.

“The _cocktail_ , the cocktail sex on the beach, not _literally_ sex on the beach.”

“Cocktail.” Jisoo gives a suppressed laugh. This makes Jennie laugh along as well, because Lisa’s face can’t get any redder if she tried to. The alcohol makes Jennie feel a little lighter, a little more _I’m glad I get to spend time with my friends_ and less of _I get to pretend to not feel an ounce of hurt over my ex-girlfriend_.

Lisa looks scandalized, as she should, and glares at them before downing her margarita. “You guys are children.”

“But he _did_ give you the best sex on the beach?” Jennie fuels the flame even further.

They laugh when Lisa groans and tells them a disgruntled _yes_ before pouring herself the leftover tequila that Josh left for them to finish.

*

Jennie’s been to a lot of five-star hotels, but Lisa’s penthouse still offers her the best view and feeling a place could ever give her: the roof garden around her always smells like flowers, no doubt coming from the bush of roses on the corner; the bird’s eye view from 32 floors up always takes Jennie’s breath away – how the fluorescent lights from office windows look like stars scattered all over the city; the best part, though, will always be the clear view of the sky.

It’s a full moon and Jennie wallows in it – the simultaneous feeling of peaceful isolation and knowing that there are people back inside that love her.

“Today was nice,” Jennie hears a familiar voice behind her.

Jisoo offers her a warm smile when she turns around and she stands beside Jennie, leaning against the railing of the rooftop. The last time they were both here was messy with kept-in tears and empty stomachs and bottled-up feelings. Jennie tries to not think about it when she feels the warmth from the other girl radiate.

“It was.” she responds, carefully selecting her words so she doesn’t end up saying things she’ll regret later. “Lisa’s so grown up,”

“I think she’s the most mature of all of us now,” Jisoo jokes.

“I can’t believe she’s getting married before we do.” The words fly out of her mouth and her eyes widen when she realizes what she just said. “I didn’t mean _we_ as in we—I meant like we, as in _collective_ , but not together—like you and I, but _separately_ \--”

The other girl laughs at Jennie’s attempt to explain. “I got what you mean the first time, don’t worry.”

“Oh.” She feels stupid.

“So,” Jisoo drags out the vowel, “FIT, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“What are your plans?”

“I’m taking their program for fashion business management.”

“Am I going see your name all over Vogue when you finish?” Jisoo teases, bumping her by the side.

“It’s an undergraduate degree, Jisoo, not a friendship with Anna Wintour.”

“You _could_ be friends with her.”

“I’m not going to bet on it.”

“When did you become such a pessimist?”

“I’ve always been one.” She lies, because it’s easier to do so than tell the truth.

Jisoo pauses for a few seconds. “I’m really proud of you, _Jendeukie_.”

Jennie looks at the girl with a little irritation. “You know I hate that nickname.” She pouts and glares at Jisoo.

“There’s nothing wrong with the nickname, it’s _cute_!” She defends.

“It’s childish, unnie, and I’m not a child.”

“If we relate that sentence to your height it’s deemed false.”

Jennie gasps in mock offense. “ _Hey_ , we’re the same height!”

“I’m half an inch taller than you, _child_.”

They talk and banter for a while (it reminds Jennie of first dates and the feeling of being drunk for the first time) before their conversation dies down into comfortable silence – both of them just staring at the view and breathing in the crisp evening air before Jisoo grabs Jennie’s arm. Normally, Jennie wouldn’t be too shocked, but she flinches at how cold Jisoo’s fingers are.

“Hey, you’re cold.”

“Let’s go inside already.”

“Okay.”

The sleeping situation is a little complicated.

There are three rooms in the penthouse, and obviously one of those is already occupied by Lisa and Josh, and unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how one looks at it) the other room is locked and Rosie’s clearly inside that locked room as evidenced by her rogue sock by the doorway.

When both of them check out the last room, she sees a single bed and how _small_ it is, and suddenly she’s not feeling so sleepy anymore. Whatever. She can sleep on the couch for tonight.

“I’ll just sleep in the living room—”

“I’m gonna take the couch—”

Both of them say the sentences simultaneously and Jennie feels like this is a very elaborate dream she’s having based on a recent romantic comedy she watched.

“No, you take the bed.” Jennie offers.

“No, _you_ take the bed.” Jisoo retaliates, gesturing to the room. “It’s cozier than the couch and definitely warmer.”

“Then why don’t you take the bed?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

“You don’t want a cozy bed and would rather want a stiff couch?” She asks confusedly.

“Yes.” Jisoo answers straightforwardly.

“Okay.” She reluctantly agrees. “Do you want, like, pillows and blankets?”

Jisoo shakes her head. “There’s already cushions in there, I’d be fine. And I’ve been here a couple of times and I’m well aware Lisa doesn’t have spare blankets aside from the ones already in the bed.”

“Oh.” Jennie says. “Do you… do you want to share the bed?”

“What?”

“Well, you’ll be cold in the living room. And I know the modern décor’s pretty but I also know that those couches don’t look comfortable at all.” She elaborates. “If you’re uncomfortable we can put a pillow between us. We’ll just have to share the blankets.”

Although Jisoo looks enticed by the idea and Jennie’s genuinely getting excited and a little giddy over the possibility of sharing the bed again after five years, the answer she gets is still a hard _No_ and she tries to hide her disappointment with a smile.

Jennie immediately heads to the bed after Jisoo decided to confine herself to the stiff couch. _Fine, go enjoy the cold leathery furniture_ , she thinks bitterly for a second before she becomes genuinely sorry for Jisoo to have to spend the night there. Something that Jennie has memorized about Jisoo is that she doesn’t like sleeping in big open spaces – the girl always hated the idea of having to sleep in the living room when “it’s connected to the kitchen where there are knives and a killer can immediately grab a weapon to stab you, it’s a death sentence, Jennie” – but she’s not sure if the girl still has that irrational fear.

The only reason that the girl even stayed in Jennie’s living room was because she actually _lived_ there for years, and that she had memorized every inch of the place. (And maybe a little pride was involved in Jisoo’s decision-making, too.)

Although if Jisoo volunteered to stay in the living room herself, maybe she’s over it.

Jennie’s already drifting to sleep when she hears her door open and when she opens her eyes to check on what it is, Jisoo’s standing beside the bed in the darkness.

“Jisoo?” She sits up and opens the lamp on the nightstand, illuminating the room. “What are you doing here?”

Even in the low lighting Jennie can see that she’s wound up. “I can’t sleep.”

“You still can’t sleep in living rooms?”

Jisoo shakes her head.

“Come here.” She says, lifting up the covers and scooting over to the side to give Jisoo space. When she finally settles down beside Jennie she can feel the air being knocked out of her, chest tightening at the very close proximity.

“Thank you.” Jisoo’s voice is soft, almost a whisper, and there’s nothing more that Jennie wants other than hug her.

“No problem.”

“Can we, uhm,”

“What?”

“Face the other way?”

“Oh,”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

So they do.

Jennie dreams about snow and dogs and Jisoo and wishes she can stay in that dream forever.

_*_

**TUESDAY ---** 3 DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING

Jennie’s alarm goes off – as it always does on a weekday. The alarm has always been in repeat, always at 7 am, and it didn’t matter if Jennie didn’t have work to do on that day. It will always ring and she will always be forced out of bed, and although it’s a nuisance, it keeps her on her toes.

When she hears it – the annoying blaring sound of an alarm that she’s had since she got her first iPhone – she immediately jolts awake, her vision adjusting to the bright light streaming in from the windows. She’s about to reach out for her phone on the nightstand when she feels it. _It_ being Jisoo’s arm wrapped around her waist and their legs tangled together under the sheets.

It feels like a fever dream, but it’s _not_ , because Jisoo’s also waking up now due to the loud sound and when she’s conscious she immediately lets go of Jennie’s waist and puts space between them. Jennie turns off the alarm and in the sudden silence their breathing becomes noticeable – it’s loud, like they’ve ran a marathon, and Jennie takes note of how red Jisoo’s cheeks are and how she feels her own cheeks burning.

Sleeping close is not out of the ordinary for either of them. Jennie’s used to having fellow YG trainees sleepover and share beds, and she can name several occasions when she’s had Lisa or Rosie slept beside her, and she can _definitely_ recall the years of her and Jisoo basically living together.

“Sorry,” Jisoo immediately blurts out and jumps out of the bed. “I didn’t, uh, mean for that to happen.”

“It’s okay.”

“Really, I just can’t control what my limbs do at night—”

Jennie laughs. “It’s okay.”

“Okay.” She looks awkward. It’s cute.

“Let’s go eat breakfast? I’m hungry.”

So they do.

The second they open the door and leave the bedroom the smell of freshly brewed coffee and food immediately becomes noticeable, and so they shuffle to the kitchen where both Lisa and Rosie are sitting on the kitchen counter, enjoying their coffee while Josh cooks their breakfast. He’s making French toast – as evidenced by the soaked bread he’s setting down on the pan. It smells _delicious_ and Jennie’s hunger increases tenfold.

“Good morning oldies,” Lisa teases once she becomes aware of their presence and both of the girls are immediately raising their eyebrows in offense. Rosie chuckles.

“I’m only older by two years!” Jisoo protests and pours herself and Jennie cups of coffee from the coffee maker. She says a quick ‘morning’ to Josh, who’s happily enjoying himself while cooking.

“I’m older by _one_ year.” Jennie interjects, glaring at Lisa.

“Old enough.”

Their banter continues on, with Josh giving them confused looks when one of them raises their voice, but it finally dies down when he begins serving them their plates of French toast garnished with lots of berries. Rosie drowns her plate with maple syrup and Jennie cringes.

“Are you really Lisa’s fiancée or are you a gentrified cook?” Jennie asks Josh jokingly when he finally joins them with a plate of his own.

“Both,” he says and looks lovingly at Lisa, which is, in anybody’s standards, _cute_ , but it’s disgusting and Jennie simultaneously hates it and wants it for herself. “I decided she’s only going to keep me if I keep on feeding her, so,”

“Lucky me,” Lisa’s smile reaches her eyes when Josh kisses her cheek.

“Ugh, that’s disgusting.” Jennie responds and fake gags.

Jisoo laughs a little. “It’s actually pretty cute. But yeah, a little disgusting.”

Jennie pauses and smiles a little when she hears Jisoo speak out. The girl’s speaking in English, and she’s feeling a little proud because she hasn’t heard her do it in years, and she’s clearly improved. Lisa had told Jennie that Jisoo took language classes alongside her film school, and it’s throwing Jennie a little off because Jisoo’s accent makes her fall in love all over again.

“They’re not disgusting, you guys are just old.” Rosie comments, squeezing out another dollop of maple syrup onto her plate.

“Thank you!”

“Whatever.” Jennie rolls her eyes. “You two will turn thirty soon and you’re going to regret you ever called us old.”

“ _Oldie_.”

*

Jennie thinks of Josh and Lisa, and her mind drifts off to a daydream where Jisoo’s with her, making breakfast and it stings a little more than she would like.

*

Rosie invites Jennie over to the studio.

Jennie has nothing better to do other than stream new episodes of this tv show she’s been lately obsessed on, and she misses the studio setting of soundproof rooms and mics and speakers, so she agrees.

She gets to the YG Studio. It’s changed, a _lot_ , and it makes Jennie a little nostalgic walking down the halls she once memorized like the back of her hand. It’s a weekday, and obviously there are trainees littered around and the ones that pass her by look like they’ve seen a ghost. Some of them secretly snap a picture of Jennie (although she can tell) and some of them approach her, and the ones that do immediately go to her brain’s collection of favorite fan encounters.

“Jennie _sunbaenim_ ,” the girl had asked, voice a little shy. “Blackpink encouraged me to actually train and sign up to YG. I hope to be like you.”

_Don’t be like me. I’m not who you should look up to. It was my fault the group didn’t last long. I’m sorry._

“Thank you.” Jennie smiled. “Can you show me where Rosie records? We can talk more on the way.”

And they do. Jennie learns about the girl’s dreams and how she’s a rapper, and how her family doesn’t earn enough to support her education so she signed up in hopes to change that. When the girl asks about where she’s been, she says it’s New York, and when she’s asked why she moved, she says a very vague answer that doesn’t even count as an answer.

Jennie eventually gets to the recording room and she thanks the girl – _Joyeon_ – and when she enters the room Rosie’s just sitting on the couch writing on a notepad with two cups of coffee on the table.

“Hey,” she greets.

“I need your help.” Rosie immediately says as she hands Jennie the notepad she’s been writing on. Jennie sits down beside her on the couch.

The page is a little messy, scratched out words and unruly lines, but it’s still readable because Rosie’s handwriting has been so _perfect_ that even when she’s writing scratches it looks decent. They’re lyrics, Jennie can apprehend that much, but she doesn’t know why Rosie needs help with it.

“What for?”

“These lyrics are _horrible_.”

“They’re not.” She denies, and rereads the whole thing… _okay_ , maybe they are a little bad but they’re not horrible. They’re decently shit. “They are.”

“If you can write lyrics to this track I swear you’re getting royalties.” Rosie plays an instrumental on her phone and it plays through the surround system of the room. The track isn’t sad, it isn’t upbeat either, and if Jennie had to describe it with a word it sounds bittersweet.

So she does.

The last time she’s written any lyrics was years ago, when she was writing her own rap lyrics for their custom performance on their tour. If YG had been a little kinder and more considerate on their talents, the group would have had a better discography with deeper lyrics and melodies, but he was a dick, so none of that ever happened.

_So I drink and love and write until it doesn’t hurt anymore,_

This feels a lot like confessing to a lover.

Jennie doesn’t like it.

Their session goes on for another couple of hours and when Rosie gets to sing the final product, she hugs Jennie.

“I missed you so much.”

“Haven’t we already established this like… days ago?”

“I missed your talent.”

“Ah.”

Then Rosie asks her to feature in the song.

It’s a hard no, because Jennie hasn’t sung professionally in so long. The only singing she’s been doing is loud shouty ones to annoy the hell out of Lucas and karaoke nights with her friends. She doesn’t do singing with noise-cancelling headphones into a professional microphone anymore. And she hasn’t done any vocal training in _years_ , she knows she’s already a little pitchy – if not full pitchy already.

But Roseanne Park is anything but persistent with her puppy eyes and pouty mouth, so Jennie agrees to sing one verse and do a couple of adlibs, but that’s it.

They wrap up sometime in the evening, and Rosie brings her to a ramen place for dinner.

“So, unnie,” the younger girl says interestedly when their order finally arrives. “Who was the inspiration for that?”

“Nobody,” She answers, suddenly invested in the steaming noodles in front of her.

“Don’t lie to me. We may not have spoken for years but I know you.”

Jennie sighs. “It was an ex, Rosie.” She decides to confess, because knowing the other girl she’s not going to get out of the conversation without telling a part of the truth.

“Is it the guy on Instagram?” She asks, chewing on her noodles and Jennie remembers how Jisoo would immediately tell Rosie to close her mouth. Jennie nods – it would be easier to lie than dig a hole for her dead body. Rosie pauses for a second and looks at Jennie with slightly wide eyes. “Are you still in love with him?”

Is she?

Is Jennie still in love with Jisoo?

Jennie’s not sure. She _loves_ her, of course, that part is very much still true and Jennie knows that part of her will always love Jisoo no matter what. But is she _in_ love? She thinks of last night, and this morning, and how contented she felt for a second, and she thinks _maybe_.

“I don’t know.” She confesses. “It’s like… I’ve been living my life without him for so long. And suddenly he’s everywhere – well, _was_ , until I came here,” she feels a little guilty for lying, but she doesn’t have a choice. “And, I don’t know. It’s been… _so_ long. I was okay since I left him. I didn’t think much about him, I moved on. But now he’s back and he makes me want to, I don’t know, throw all the reasons why I didn’t want to get back together with him away.”

Rosie’s a little surprised. “Why didn’t you want to get back together?”

“I’m just scared.” She breathes. “I’m just scared, because the first time hurt like hell, and every day that passed I wished it was a dream. I don’t want that again.”

They talk for the rest of the night, leaving sometime past 10 when a server comes up to them and says that they’re already closing. Nothing’s changed, but Jennie feels lighter when Rosie hugs her and they part ways.

*

“Yes, you heard _right_. You don’t have to keep fake gasping, it gets annoying after five times.”

“When did you suddenly have a degree in maturity?”

“Fuck you.”

“Okay, but let me get this straight for me, because I’m still a little confused.”

“Okay.”

“You and Jisoo,” Lucas starts. She nods. “Had a heart-to-heart talk.”

“Mhm.”

“And _slept together_ —”

“Slept in the same bed,” she corrects.

“Right, so you slept together… and now you’re telling me you’re finally moving on?” He’s stabbing his salad with a fork. “That’s a little…”

“It’s called having good judgement, Lucas. Try it sometime.”

“I’m still a little skeptical, because if I’m not mistaken you wanted to win her back not three days ago.”

“Well, people change.”

“Over two days?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re moving on?”

“ _Yes_.”

“Okay. Cool.”

“Good.”

“I’m a little proud of you.”

“Shut up and eat your salad.”

*

**WEDNESDAY –** 2 DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING

Although Jennie loves people – loves being surrounded by them, talking to them, spending time with them – she also needs time for herself to breathe and drink tea by herself, maybe read a book by the window, put on a mask sheet and just enjoy her time alone.

But a) she’s been having plenty of ‘time alone’ in New York already, b) she doesn’t have tea or a book lying around her apartment (she really should have gotten basic groceries) and c) why would she trap herself in her apartment when there’s a whole city she hasn’t wandered in for years?

So instead of staying in her apartment, she instead takes a shower and puts on paparazzi ready clothes – the kind that was comfortable enough to be in for a whole day but also equally fashionable enough that if a fansite or two took her photos and put it all over the internet, it wouldn’t end badly for her. She doesn’t know where to go, exactly, so she settles for the mall.

Miraculously enough, in her week-long stay in the country, she’s never shopped at least one article of clothing – today’s the day she’s changing that. New York is a fashion outlet, and Jennie _loves_ the clothes and fashion weeks and absurd prints but the one thing she hates about it is the fact that the jeans are always too long and she always has to get them tailored. So, she spends her money on pants.

_Lots_ of pants.

Like, six paper bags from different boutique stores lots.

She spends half of the day in the shopping mall and she hasn’t even eaten lunch, and so she makes a trip down the memory lane and heads downtown to eat at her favorite restaurant – the one that Jisoo had told her about during their first time talking. The streets feel all too familiar and Jennie feels a little weird for _driving_ , because she’s always walked by the sidewalks with Jisoo while they talked about their days.

Jennie digresses, because it’s not the time to think about her ex. It’s time to think about bibimbap and the fact that she hasn’t had a decent one in so long.

When she reaches the restaurant, she immediately breathes in – it smells like a mix of gochujang and broth, and it feels like home. She immediately notices the different décor of the restaurant. It looks more modern now, juxtaposed to Jennie’s memory of it being more homey. She guesses it has something to do with the fact that the restaurant has only become more famous since the last time she was here.

Reflex or memory, Jennie doesn’t know, but one of those lead her legs to go to her and Jisoo’s regular table. She’s about to sit down when she realizes the table is already occupied.

By none other than _her_.

She supposes she shouldn’t be too surprised – it’s Jisoo’s favorite restaurant after all, and she found the place before her, so it’s really no wonder why she’s in the place.

“Unnie?”

Jisoo looks up from her phone, shocked when she sees the other girl. “Jennie!”

“Hi.” She smiles.

“What are you doing here?”

“Am I not allowed to be here?” Jennie quips, setting her handbag down on the table.

“That’s not what I—um, of course you are. I just meant like… what brings you here?”

Jennie purses her lips. “Can I sit?”

“Oh—right. Sorry. Yes, you can.”

She raises her eyebrow. “You’re so jumpy today. Are you okay?”

Jisoo nods. “Yeah, I think I just had too much coffee.”

“You really should stop drinking two cups of coffee before noon.”

“I’m trying.” She chuckles and Jennie slides into the booth. “So, what brings Miss Jennie Kim here?”

“I just wanted to eat good food again.” She shrugs. “I missed this place a lot— _and_ I really want to check in with Sunyoung again. Does she still run the restaurant?”

Jisoo nods. “Yes. She’s actually in the kitchen right now. Do you want to talk to her? I’m sure she misses you a lot.”

Sunyoung had been both Jennie and Jisoo’s mother figure since they started eating at the place. When the restaurant’s business was going slow, Sunyoung would always appreciate her most loyal customers – them – and she would thank them personally every time they ate there. And so, the thanking turned into hour-long conversations, and those turned into cooking tutorials from the kitchen until they learned how to make traditional dishes on their own. Sunyoung had been there for them, and Jennie still considers her as a friend – even if she hasn’t seen her in half a decade.

And so they head to the kitchen, Jisoo going in first so they could surprise Sunyoung, and when Jennie walks in after Jisoo says she’s got a surprise for her, she immediately gets enveloped in a tight hug. Jennie laughs at the older woman’s reaction.

“Jennie-yah, it’s been so long,” the woman says fondly when they finally part. “And why are you so skinny? What were they feeding you in the states?”

Both of the women laugh at Sunyoung’s scrutiny when she exaggeratedly checks out Jennie’s body to prove a point. “Did they starve you?”

“No,” Jennie laughs. “But they didn’t have good enough food to make me eat until I was full enough.”

“That’s no good.” Sunyoung says. “You look so… grown-up.”

“If you wanted to say I look old, you _can_ Sunyoung.”

The older woman laughs. “You at least look better than I do.”

“You don’t look a day over forty.” Jennie says. It isn’t a lie – if Jennie’s calculating things right in her head, the woman is just a little over fifty. 

Their banter gets interrupted by a pouting Jisoo. “Can we continue this over lunch? I’m really hungry.”

“Ah, Jisoo, don’t worry. I made you your favorite.” She says and takes a moment to look at both of them. “My girls, back together.” She smiles adoringly at the two women who look more awkward than anything. “Don’t you think I’m easily letting you off the hook for leaving Jennie, you’re going to have to help me in the kitchen a little.”

Jennie smiles. “I’d love that.”

And so they eat.

Sunyoung gives Jisoo and Jennie a hefty serving of _ddakbokkeumtang_ which they’re both forced to finish (which isn’t much of a challenge, given Jennie’s had nothing but water for breakfast, and Jisoo’s appetite is still the same). It’s already lunch, and so Sunyoung is too busy expediting orders to engage with them in conversation so both of the girls take it into liberty to wear their aprons and their hairnets that’s laying around Sunyoung’s office, always reserved for them, to help in the kitchen.

During their long friendship with her, they’d spent many hours chopping vegetables and preparing ingredients (the only task that Sunyoung actually trusts them to do) when the woman needs help, especially in peak hours. Through a brief conversation with Jisoo while they’re ransacking the office to find the spare aprons and hairnets, Jennie learns that Jisoo’s been coming in the restaurant every weekend to help out.

When they enter the kitchen, they try to ignore the stares of the sous and line chefs. Maybe it is a little weird, yes, to have former kpop idols dressed in culinary attire in their work, but the thought immediately leaves Jennie’s head when Sunyoung comes up to the both of them.

“You,” she points at Jisoo. “Blanch the tomatoes, and you—” she points at Jennie, “go help her. You’re a little rusty. You might ruin the dish.”

“ _Hey_ , I can still cook!” She defends.

“Honey, I love you, but I’m not going to rely on you to do anything by yourself right now.”

The remark makes Jisoo giggle, earning a glare from Jennie. “Fine.” She pouts.

“Come back more frequently and maybe I’ll let you handle a knife, now go.” The woman waves them off and returns to her job while the two go to their usual station. The chefs are staring at Jennie even though they’re pretending not to, and Jennie can feel it (she’s not an idiot, after all).

They do their task easily like clockwork, with Jennie washing the tomatoes and Jisoo doing the important stuff like trimming off the stems, and getting the produce off the boiling water just in time and into an ice bath. Jennie gives the blanched tomatoes to the line cook working beside them and he takes it with a gaped mouth.

“Th-thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Jennie smiles politely, a little amused at the guy’s reaction. Before she can turn around, the guy talks again.

“If I’m not mistaken, you’re Jennie, right?”

“Right.”

“I’m, uh, Jaekyung.” He reaches his arm out for a handshake. It’s a little cute, and when he smiles Jennie realizes he’s not bad-looking either. Maybe she can bring a date to Lisa’s wedding after all.

“Nice to meet you to, Jaekyung.” She shakes his hand.

Their little meet-cute is interrupted when Jisoo bumps her a little too much for her liking. “ _Ya_ , stop goofing around and come help me mash these potatoes.”

“Sorry, duty calls.”

The lunch rush lasts for an hour more, and for that time her and Jisoo help out with the kitchen. When the customers no longer funnel in groups, Sunyoung entrusts the job to another chef as she grabs the two girls into her office.

“Thank you for today.”

“No, thank _you_. I missed your cooking, and it was free.” Jennie grins.

“But I made you work for it.”

“Well, I missed the kitchen, Sunyoung so don’t worry.”

“And the _ddakbokkeumtang_ was delicious. I’d work unlimited hours if it means I get to have that for lunch.” Jisoo adds.

The woman pulls them both into a group hug – it’s a little awkward and definitely hot, her hair is sticking to her face already and she’s too close to Jisoo. When she lets go, she stares at them longingly. “I consider you my daughters.” She pauses. “I missed seeing you two together. Jennie-ya, don’t leave for too long again. Jisoo couldn’t stop talking about how much she missed you.”

Jennie looks at Jisoo who shifts uncomfortably. “I missed her too.”

“And she came in last Sunday and she was just over the moon to tell me that you’re here. She was smiling the whole afternoon, it was adorable. And I told her to come invite you sometime but she said you were busy.”

Her heart does a little thing, and it makes her insides melt and her knees weaken at the thought of Jisoo being in a good mood because of her. “I _did_ come, didn’t I?”

“And I thank you for that.”

She smiles.

*

When they leave the restaurant, Jennie notices that Jisoo’s not heading to the parking lot of the restaurant. “Where are you going?”

“Oh, home.” Jisoo says, pulling out her phone and staying on the sidewalk.

“Are you booking a Kakaotaxi?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to drive so I just came here in one.”

“I’ll drive you home.” Jennie offers.

Beat.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Jisoo asks, stopping at tapping away on her phone.

“Yes, I’m pretty sure giving you a ride _is_ a good idea.”

The other girl rolls her eyes. “You know what I meant, Jen.”

“Yes. See, we may not be… traditional friends but I refuse to be the asshole that leaves you alone on a sidewalk, okay?” _Managed to leave her along for years though_ , a voice in her head chimes in and she feels betrayed. “So, you can either say yes or say yes, because I’m not taking no for an answer.”

This is how they end up in Jennie’s rented car listening to an angry-sounding B-52 track that Jisoo presses skip on until she doesn’t reach anything that sounds remotely calm, and so she pauses the music altogether.

“ _Hey_!” Jennie protests.

“It was hurting my ears.”

“Are you telling me B-52 makes shit music?”

“No, it’s just that I’m tired and I don’t want to listen to any distorted guitars.”

“Fine.” She grumbles. “You still haven’t told me your address, by the way.”

“I’m just going to give you the directions. You’re still in the right avenue. Just turn on the first exit when we reach the roundabout.” Jisoo says. “Where are you going after this?”

She shrugs. “I’m actually thinking of going to the amusement park? I mean, I haven’t been to one in forever – the ones in the US are frankly terrifying and dying on a rollercoaster was really not in my bucket list of things to do during my stay there.”

“Amusement park?” Jisoo asks amusedly. “The last time I took you to one we waited for a whole hour to get to the front of the line for the rollercoaster before you ran off.”

“I was young, then,” She defends, well aware of the blush creeping up her neck. She remembers it all too well – they were in Japan for a concert and they stayed for a couple of more days after the event, and so they went to universal studios and took about several hundred photos before _daring_ to get in line for the coaster. Jennie had been a little too confident at the time and was confident she was going to enjoy her first ever rollercoaster ride, but when her and Jisoo were at the front of the line she immediately bolted and ran as fast as she could, bumping against other people in the line. It was embarrassing and Jennie had tucked it into a hidden corner somewhere in her brain, but somehow Jisoo managed to bring it out.

“You were in your twenties.”

“ _Young_ ,” She restates. “And it was still a good call. I would’ve lost my voice just from screaming.”

“We were already done for the concert at the time, don’t justify your _cowardice_.”

“Coward?”

“Yes, coward,” Jisoo taunts. Jennie knows Jisoo enough that she’s just trying to get a reaction out of her, try to get her to speak a two-hundred word explanation on why _not_ getting into the ride was a good idea, so instead of doing that she just turns the car around.

“ _Jennie_! What the fuck, turn the car around!”

“You’re going with me and we’re going to ride the rollercoaster.” She says, immediately pulling up the map on the car’s screen and looking at the GPS nav. Jisoo’s holding on her seatbelt, still a little wound up from the sudden u-turn that she’s sure is illegal.

“I’m _not_ going to ride the rollercoaster with you.” She says. “Jennie, I swear to God, turn the car around and get me home—”

“Or what?”

There’s a sigh. “I hate you.”

Jennie’s a little tempted to say ‘I love you too’ as a witty response, but it’s probably not for the best.

“And you’ll need to win a teddy bear for me from one of those rigged games or I’m charging you for W200,000 in cash.” Jisoo adds.

Yep. Definitely not for the best.

*

Fame is definitely something that Jennie misses – she’s still famous, sure, she has millions of followers on Instagram and she’s known as a legend in the kpop industry, but she’s no longer _famous_ famous, the type where she can’t go anywhere without security or at least a taser gun. But it’s not the type of miss that makes her want to have it again (she definitely, absolutely does _not_ want it). She misses the addicting pull of it, misses feeling important and holding out everything for an applause, sure, but she’s more thankful that it’s already over more than anything.

It takes her about ten minutes just circling the parking lot looking for an empty space, with Jisoo yelling beside her _You were too slow! That guy took the parking slot_ , God _, do you want me to take over? I can take over._ and Jennie just ignoring her before finally zeroing in on an empty space and parking the car.

Nothing can prepare Jennie for the cacophony of screeching and laughing bystanders mingled with the loud sounds of operating machinery. She can see the roller coaster from the entrance and it’s… _huge_. And no, she’s not scared – of course she’s not.

She’s a little older, and she understands the irrationality of being scared of a rollercoaster. Thousands of people get into them every day, and headlines of people falling off from them only happen once every few years. The odds of her being one of those unlucky people is basically atomically small. Still, though, there’s a small part of her that makes her want to cower away and just back out of the challenge before it’s too late.

“Where do you want to go first?” Jisoo asks, looking around at the place. “I know you’ve never been here so I _highly_ recommend going to the ice cream stands.”

“Ice cream?” Jennie snorts. “We literally just came from lunch. You want to get ice cream?”

“Yes, Jennie, frozen milk-based dessert, ever heard of it?”

“Smartass.” Beat. “Of course I’ve heard of it. I’m just saying, aren’t you still a little bit full from lunch?”

“You’re really underestimating my appetite.” Jisoo grins, and she grabs Jennie’s arm once more as they navigate through the crowd. Jennie lets her.

“I refuse to pay for it.”

“Oh no, however will I afford _one_ cone?”

Jennie decides, that with Jisoo’s mocking voice, it was a _dumb_ move to invite her.

They do end up getting ice creams, waiting a little bit in line because it’s summer in Seoul and although it isn’t as warm as summers in New York, the cold from the ice cream brings relief to Jennie. Jisoo pays for both cones ‘ _I know you’re rich but you’ve already paid for the entrance, I think I can pay for the overpriced food_ ,’ and it takes a couple of photos with people that recognize them before they can slip out of the food court.

“This was really good.” Jennie admits once she’s down the last bit of cone, wrapping it in tissue and throwing it by the trash can they pass by.

Jisoo looks at her, amused. “You still don’t eat the cone’s butt?

“Don’t call it that.”

“What else am I supposed to call it?”

“A cone’s tip, unnie. That definitely sounds more appetizing.”

“I’m still going to call them cone butts.”

“Well, where to now?” Jennie asks and grimaces exaggeratedly when the other girl makes a show to eat the ‘ _butt’_.

“We can go to the carousel?” She suggests, smiling. “I remember you love carousels because it’s the only ride that doesn’t scare you.”

Jennie knows it’s supposed to be a little tease, a jab at how easily scared she can be, but she feels a little warmth on her cheeks when she realizes that Jisoo remembers. “Okay.”

There’s not a lot of people lining up for a ride on the carousel.

Understandably enough, it _is_ technically for children and for parents that join their children, but it seems that the target market isn’t enough to make for a long queue, and so Jennie and Jisoo immediately get in the ride. Jisoo gets on the pink horse – it’s got bowties and its ‘hair’ is painted white. Jennie chooses the horse beside her, because where _else_ would she go (she’s certainly not separating from the other girl, because a woman in her thirties riding a carousel alone is generally frowned upon by society).

“This is a little lame,” Jennie comments, pulling out hand sanitizer from her side bag and squirting the contents all over the handle bar before putting her hands on it. The action makes Jisoo snicker from her side.

“A few germs aren’t going to kill you.”

“Ever since the coronavirus I haven’t been the same.” She explains, and exaggeratedly shudders. “I take _extra_ care not to touch things… hundreds of other people have already touched.”

“That’s so…”

“Smart?”

Before Jisoo can whip up an equally witty reply, loud music starts to play and the carousel stutters into life. Jennie can’t help it as her lips curl into a wide smile, teeth and all, and she bursts out into cheerful giggles as her and Jisoo spin around. She closes her eyes and breathes in the air – it’s humid, it reminds her of spring in New York, ice melting and slippery sidewalks everywhere. It reminds her of whiffs of coffee, her neighbor’s large German shepherd and her mind dangerously spirals and thinks of her own dogs – or at least dogs she once owned before giving them away when she felt like she couldn’t take care of herself enough to trust herself to take care of the canines.

She’s crying a little, she knows, but all that’s dried off when Jisoo calls for her and tells her to look at the camera. Jisoo’s got her phone out, recording a video from the front cam, and Jennie waves awkwardly at it.

The ride begins to slow down, and when their surroundings don’t look that blurred anymore, Jennie gets off her horse. Jisoo’s still smiling – pure in her childlike glee over the small things and Jennie finds herself mimicking the girl’s expression.

She offers her hand to Jisoo, something she gracefully accepts and grabs as she gets off her own seat. She pats the horse’s plastic head and says good bye, something Jennie rolls her eyes at, but at the same time she feels her heart swell with all of the unkempt love she’s saved for Jisoo and the adoration Jennie reserves for her smile, the small giggle she does when she’s feeling silly, how she can’t go on five seconds without touching her hair and how she was Jennie’s best friend since 2012 – an absolute horseshit of a year when all they did was dance to Psy’s Gangnam Style and both had terrible hairstyles.

It’s a little too much, too fast, when Jisoo links her arms with Jennie, dragging her to the nearest stand that sells shaved ice and getting them a snow cone to share.

“Are you having fun?” Jennie asks when Jisoo takes a mouthful of the ice.

“A little.” Her voice is a little muffled.

“A _little_?”

She laughs. “Just teasing, drama queen.” Jennie smiles in relief and takes a spoonful – it’s cold and it number her mouth, but it’s delicious and gives her a break from the weather she’s not used to.

“Oh, you have something—” Jisoo gestures to the side of Jennie’s mouth, and Jennie reaches out to wipe it. “ _No_ , the other way—hold on, let me.”

Before Jennie can protest, she can feel Jisoo’s thumb resting at the side of her lip, wiping away what Jennie can only guess as the shaved ice’s liquid flavoring, and she feels her heartrate skyrocket. She suddenly has difficulty breathing and she makes sure that Jisoo doesn’t notice it.

“Still on for the rollercoaster?”

Jennie nods.

*

It feels a little like Jennie’s digging herself a hole she can never get out of when she grabs Jisoo’s hand like her whole life depends on it as the machine sparks into life and they’re propelled into ungodly speeds, upside down and over and out and she screams _oh my fucking god_ in three different languages with her eyes closed for the whole duration of the ride. When the machine halts to a stop, Jennie takes note of her irregular breathing and she opens her eyes to find that she’s safely back to where the ride first started out.

Jisoo’s laughing beside her, and she looks _way_ exhilarated than Jennie. She’s got this energy around her and Jennie fears for a second that she might ask to—

“Want to go again?”

She pauses. “Fuck, no.”

*

Like a host on a shopping channel that persuades Jennie to buy two nonstick pans for the price of one on Friday nights when she’s alone with a glass of wine, she gets into the Ferris wheel because of Jisoo’s incredibly compelling speech on why they should _absolutely_ go for a ride even though Jennie’s terrified of heights and positively might piss herself when they finally reach the highest point of the ride.

It’s only a little past 6, and because it’s summer the sun sets a little later than expected, giving them a sight to remember – the pinkish hue of the sun blanketing the city with warmth and _oh God, we’re so far up the ground_.

Jennie immediately grips onto her seat.

“We’re not going to die, Jennie.” Jisoo rolls her eyes and scoots over to Jennie’s side which makes the passenger car swing midair. The sound of the squeaking metal accompanying it doesn’t make Jennie feel any better and so she closes her eyes.

“ _Ya_! Why’d you do that!” She says, eyes still closed and Jisoo laughs.

“Because, your eyes need to be open for this.”

“My eyes absolutely do _not_ need to be open for anything.”

“You’re missing the view.”

“View of the city from high up? Big whoop, I can do that at Lisa’s place.”

“Jennie, stop being stubborn and open your eyes.”

No.

“Jennie,”

No.

“ _Jennie,_ ”

…Yes?

“Please.”

So Jennie opens her eyes. (She’s useless, god fucking damn it.)

She would never admit it to Jisoo, but she’s right. It’s _beautiful_.

They’re already at the peak, it seems, and she feels like she’s seen the entire city from an entirely different lens. It’s quiet inside, aside from the occasional creak of the metal and the humming of the ventilation, and everything feels… at place somehow. She forgets that she has a life on the other side of the earth and pretends that for a minute she belongs here, with the woman she wants to kiss so badly, happily enjoying a whole day out together.

The thought is addicting.

When they’re finally descending and Jennie doesn’t feel like looking outside anymore because her fear has crept in again, Jisoo speaks up. “Are we not going to… address the elephant in the room?”

Jennie hopes they never do. “Are you calling me fat?”

“You know what I meant.”

“Well… then lets address it.” She says. “What _is_ the elephant in the room?”

“This—this isn’t normal, Jennie.”

“What do you mean?”

“ _This_. You. Going out to amusement parks in the afternoon and having fun. It’s not normal.”

Jennie pauses in confusion. “We’re being friends, unnie. I didn’t invite you here to do whatever you think I’m going to do.” And when she says it she’s being honest. There were no ulterior motives to the invitation – or, Jennie supposes, _kidnapping_ – other than she just wanted to prove a point. “I just want us to be friends again.”

A beat passes and the tension is almost palpable. The ventilation doesn’t seem to work as well anymore. “That’s the problem.” Jisoo looks up at her. “I don’t want us to be friends, Jennie. I can’t be your friend.”

“Why?”

A sigh, a shaky hand, and suddenly Jennie’s being pulled into a kiss.

It’s messy and it’s nervous, and it’s _wonderful_ in a way that Jennie can’t put it into words. Kim Jisoo kisses like a really good fireworks show – building and building towards a grand finale that is just far enough on the horizon for Jennie to know she’ll never quite get there, but still close enough that she’ll never want to stop trying. And Jennie kisses her back like she’s always imagined she would in a vivid fantasy of them getting back together in a swirl of tears and happiness, and the only thing she feels at the moment is the incessant fear digging into her skin that this is all in her head, but when she feels Jisoo’s wet lips against hers she’s reassured: it’s _real_.

When they part due to the lack of air, it’s only then when Jennie realizes she’s crying and that they’re already nearly on the ground.

It’s silent on the way down, and even more silent when they finally call it a day and walk to Jennie’s car.

Jennie realizes she never won a teddy bear for Jisoo.

“I’m, uh,” She breaks the ice when they’re stuck in traffic and the silence gets too suffocating. “Sorry I delayed you... going home.”

“It’s okay.” Jisoo says too quietly that Jennie almost misses it.

“I’m sorry for what happened earlier, I didn’t –”

“Jennie,” She interrupts, voice still soft and calm. “Just take me home.”

“I am.”

“No. Take me _home_.” She immediately understands what Jisoo means.

The night ends with both of them tangled in Jennie’s sheets, rediscovering each other’s bodies as lovers do, and _kissing_ and _touching_ and doing things that Jennie hasn’t been able to do with so much emotion and rawness and so much love.

“That feels— _shit_ , I love that. Jennie… keep doing— _fuck_ , I love you.”

That’s when Jennie realizes that things can only go downhill from there.

*

The glaringly red light from the digital clock on the bedside table reads 2 AM.

“What happens after this?” Jennie asks, drawing a line from Jisoo’s nape down her spine.

She tries not to think about New York, FIT and Lucas.

“I don’t know.”

*

**THURSDAY** \--- 1 DAY UNTIL THE WEDDING

It’s the second consecutive night that Jisoo’s waking up next to her.

This time, there’s a little less _I’m so sorry I accidentally cuddled you all night_ and more of _last night was amazing_ in Jisoo’s eyes when they open and it makes Jennie feel… contented.

She’s contented.

When she’d received the news of Lisa’s engagement and her mandatory two-week stay in the country for the wedding, she prepared herself for Jisoo. She listed things that she should and shouldn’t say or do, and she kept repeating them in her head until she finally memorized them enough that it should be easy enough to communicate with the ex-love of her life without breaking any social cues.

(Things she should say: your last movie was really good, how have you been, I’m doing really good too. Things she shouldn’t say: I miss you so much, I’m sorry for what happened and I regret everything I did. Things she should do: act normal, be friendly. Things she shouldn’t do: _sleep_ with her.)

And yet here she is, even after all of _that_ , she ends up in a situation she swore to herself would never happen. If Lucas knew that they’d slept together, he’d probably pop a champagne bottle and celebrate, but if he knew that the sleeping-together-part came before a good close-ended conversation on how their relationship will be, he would… probably give Jennie a five-minute speech on how stupid that is. Which—Jennie does know. It is stupid.

She tries to focus on the positives, maybe the sex _was_ making up, and that they’re going to be together, because if Jisoo whispering _I love you_ to her wasn’t an indication that they’re going to be okay, she doesn’t know what is. Her mind is fixated on a myriad of things and possibilities that could arise from her momentary lapse of judgement.

The thoughts stop when Jisoo gets up from the bed and starts picking up her clothes on the floor. Jennie sits up on her bed, brows drawn and furrowed as Jisoo rushes to put her underwear on.

“What are you doing?” Jennie’s scared.

“I’m—” Jisoo puts on her jeans that she picks up from the chair on the corner. Jennie watches every move she makes – trying to rationalize it in her head. Maybe Jisoo’s just late for a meeting, maybe she doesn’t like being naked, maybe she just has somewhere to be. Yeah. She has somewhere to be. “I can’t. This was a mistake.”

“What?”

Jisoo stills, shirt in her hand. Jennie holds the sheets against her chest. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like _that_ ,” She proceeds to put her shirt on and make her way to the bed, sitting beside Jennie. “Don’t.”

“Are you… are you going to leave?” Jennie hates that her voice breaks somewhere in the middle. _You’re strong. You’re strong. You’re strong._

“Yes.”

“Okay.” _Three._

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Jennie huffs, her fingers are growing cold and every bit of her self-restraint is leaking out of her. “It’s not like we just had sex or anything.”

“Don’t be like that.” _Two._

“Like what?”

“Don’t be mad, Jennie. It was a mistake and you and I both know it.” _One._

“Don’t be _mad_?”

“I know you’re upset—”

_Boom._

“Is this a joke to you?” Jennie’s jaw clenches, wondering if her teeth are going to break anytime from how hard they’re squeezing against each other. She waits for Jisoo to say something, but she remains silent, and this only provokes Jennie even further. “Was this a fucking _payback_? Is this some sort of an elaborate plan to get me to sleep with you for you to leave me in the morning?”

Jisoo’s face transitions from remorse into borderline infuriated. “Do you really think I could do that?”

“I don’t know why the _fuck_ else you’d be doing this.” Her words are hot and heavy and bitter and she knows she’s deliberately picking words to hurt Jisoo intentionally -- pick at the scabs she knows that she has from her past wounds that are almost healed, making _sure_ she feels what Jennie feels and she doesn’t care. Jennie’s past caring.

“There’s no _good_ ending to this, Jennie!” Jisoo breaks. “There’s always going to be some _fucking_ excuse for why one of us has to leave and there’s always going to be some fucking pothole we’re going to fall into and we’re always going to sacrifice _this_ for our own careers and for our own _wants_ and I don’t want to go through all of that _again_ and again.”

“If you don’t want me to get into FIT I’ll _happily_ discard my application forms—”

“I don’t _want_ that.”

“Then tell me what you _want_ ,” She feels hysterical, and she’s fisting her hands in her hair and she doesn’t care that the blankets have fallen into a puddle on her waist and she doesn’t care that she’s naked-- what she _cares_ about is the girl in front of her making her devolve into a spiral of self-pity and regret. “Tell me what you want and I’ll do it. I’ll _do_ it.”

“I don’t want you to do _anything_ you don’t want to.”

“I _already_ did that!” Jennie almost screams. “I did _everything_ I wanted to. And all of those ended up making my life worse. Every decision, every day set me up for failure and heartbreak, and for _once_ I just want somebody to tell me what to do.”

“I can’t tell you how to live your life, Jennie.” The anger simmers down and Jennie can feel the empathy just from looking at Jisoo’s eyes. “You have to figure that out for yourself.”

“I just want you.” She tries to steady her voice, because it sounds nothing short of pathetic and unsettled. Every word that’s moving past her lips feel like a plea, and she hates herself for even saying it, and hates herself even more when she says the following words: “I _need_ you.”

“Jennie.”

“Please don’t leave me.” She reaches out for Jisoo’s arm, her hands cold and she grabs onto her tight and leans, crying into her shirt. “I meant it when I said I love you. I don’t want you to leave. Please.”

The words must have switched on something with Jisoo, because she suddenly stiffens and shakes off Jennie, like she doesn’t care if the action breaks something in her. “At least now you know what it felt like five years ago.”

Then she leaves, and Jennie’s left with is a painful pocket in her heart filled with love that has nowhere to go.

*

10.08, Lucas Turner: Your ex dmed me on insta and told me to check up on you

10.08, Lucas Turner: What happened? Pick up

10.09, Lucas Turner: I’m seriously worried. Did you guys have a fight?

10.10, Lucas Turner: Jennie

10.11, Lucas Turner: I’m gonna check in on you later. Please pick up.

12.13, Lucas Turner: At least text me if you’re okay

12.14, Lucas Turner: Please if you don’t I will literally go to korea right now

12.15, Jennie Kim: I’m okay

12.15, Lucas Turner: JENNIE

12.16, Lucas Turner: YOU GOT ME SO WORRIED DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN

12.17, Lucas Turner: Not replying again, I see

13.12, Lucas Turner: I’m going to sleep, it’s already midnight here. I hope you’re okay and I’ll check in on you first thing tomorrow. I love you, don’t forget that

13.12, Jennie Kim: Wait

13.13, Lucas Turner: So she is alive

13.13, Lucas Turner: Why?

13.13, Jennie Kim: Will you marry me?

13.14, Lucas Turner: Ok now I’m terrified

13.14, Lucas Turner: Are you rly ok?

13.16, Jennie Kim: Will you marry me when we’re both forty and still single?

13.16, Lucas Turner: Hmm…

13.17, Lucas Turner: Yes

13.19, Jennie Kim: Thank you. Now go to sleep

*

For the sake of Lisa and her wedding photos as a bridesmaid, she bottles everything up and doesn’t cry or touch alcohol for the whole day. She doesn’t eat either, but she supposes that’s a good thing for tomorrow too.

*

**FRIDAY** \--- WEDDING DAY

Jennie hates the way her heels are too pointed that her little toe can’t breathe and although her dress resembles perfection, matching with all the other bridesmaids, she can’t help but be irritated at a stray thread digging into a sensitive part of her underboob and it _itches_ , and it doesn’t help that she’s seated beside the girl who ripped her heart out, but all of it is worth it once Lisa enters the room and walks along the aisle, happy and teary as her dad drops her off at the altar and she exchanges lifelong vows to the love of her life.

She’s happy for her.

*

The reception in the function hall felt like it came from a lifestyle magazine.

It began with the newly-wed couple cutting the cake, which both her and Nayeon severely made fun of by making gagging noises that they made sure Lisa would see, then serving the best dinner Jennie’s ever had. She’s halfway through the grilled halibut when Lisa finally reaches their table (Jennie, Rosie, Jisoo, Nayeon, Joy, Irene and Yeri), already done with her rounds.

“Congratulations,” the girls in the table cheer, raising their glasses up and Jennie does the same.

“Thank you.” She smiles, and Jennie knows that she’s tired but something about the wedding must be giving her the same energy she had that morning.

“You look beautiful.” Jennie says. “I can’t believe my baby sister’s already married.”

The table drops a few ‘awws’ in response.

“You guys are acting like I’m dying.” She quips. “I’ll still be here, unnies. Thank you for being my friends, and for always being there for me. I love you.”

*

Jennie takes advantage of the open bar once the dinner is over and everybody’s just enjoying themselves for the night, dancing and drinking. The reception has been moved outside, just by the beach, right after all the guests have finished dinner. It’s beautiful as expected and Jennie now understands why Lisa thought it was worth it to spend hundreds of millions of Wons on one single day – it’s _beautiful_.

The beach is lit up with strings of fairy lights hung up on bamboo posts and there’s a makeshift dance floor a few feet away from the shore where couples are being absolutely disgustingly _coupley_ and it shoves a bitter taste down Jennie’s throat.

She’s alone, sitting at the bar, because apparently she’s the only single woman on their table and Nayeon’s gone off with her boyfriend, and Rosie left her to go flirt with one of the groomsmen from the wedding.

Jisoo’s nowhere to be found, thank _god_ , because Jennie’s been doing a good job at keeping her feelings simmering but not boiling – the only time she was within two feet of her was during the ceremony. Jennie’s got to figure out who arranged the seats because putting her and Jisoo at opposite sides of the table was one of the best things to have come out of the wedding so far.

She asks for a mojito (she’d go for straight rum if she didn’t have a flight to New York tomorrow, but that’s not the case.) and enjoys her drink alone, feeling sorry for herself because what else is there to do when the universe seems to have it out on you? Alcohol still leaves a horrible taste in her mouth even if it’s dressed with a billion mint leaves and lime, but it does give a certain appeal to it, and so she orders one more. She looks at the people around her, carefree and drunk as they dance to poppy love music, and feels _more_ sorry for herself.

Halfway through her second drink, a voice pops her personal bubble and she already knows who it is without even turning around. But she still does anyway, and she’s met with a striking picture of Jisoo wearing a flowy dress with a tulip tucked behind her ear. “You look serious.”

The wind coming from the beach isn’t helping with Jennie’s inability to form a coherent response, because it only makes Jisoo look more beautiful (Jennie doesn’t know how that’s even possible) as her hair gets blown away in a way that knocks the air off of her lungs – then she quickly reminds herself of what had transpired on the morning the day before, and she quickly snaps out of it.

“I was just, um,” She feels stupid. “Enjoying the drink.”

“Right.” Jisoo says, warily, almost as if she’s treading dangerous waters. “Can I join you?”

It’s simultaneously Jennie’s nightmare and daydream. “Sure.”

“Congratulations on making it through the reception,” She takes the seat beside Jennie, slowly, as though unsure if she wants to. “Although I don’t know if you’re still allergic to weddings—are you?”

“I’m only allergic to weddings if I’m not close to whoever’s getting married.” Jennie justifies quickly, trying to change the subject immediately. “Enjoying the party?”

Jisoo shrugs as she orders her drink – she asks for a dirty martini and Jennie dies a little inside.

“I still don’t know how you drink that.” She brings up, thankful for the opening on a new topic as the bartender mixes the olive juice to the gin and vermouth.

“You drink whiskey sour, I don’t know how you’re suddenly qualified to give opinions on cocktails.” Jisoo counters and sips at the drink when it’s served in front of her. “I’d enjoy the party a little more if I could hang out with our friends. They’re all a little busy.”

Jennie snickers a little, looking out for said friends if they’re anywhere near vicinity. She can sort of see an outline of Nayeon, but like Jisoo said, she’s a little _busy_. “So I’m a last resort, huh?” She quips, but it becomes less of a joke when it’s met with silence and she realizes how it must’ve sounded.

“Jennie…” The silence that follows between them is tight, and suddenly the wedge of lime on her drink has suddenly become interesting. “I’m sorry, I interrupted you. I should just… go.”

“You don’t have to. I could use the company.”

“No, I—” she looks away a little, gripping her glass. “I just came here for a drink and I didn’t know if I should talk to you and that’s… obviously not a good option. So, I’ll just… I’ll just go.”

_You should talk to me_. Jennie deflates. “Oh. Okay.”

“You look pretty tonight.” She adds just before standing up from her chair, and something about her voice’s shakiness makes Jennie a little bolder, so she grabs her arm.

“Do you want to dance with me?”

The question shocks her a little, and it shocks Jisoo too apparently because she gapes at her momentarily, almost as if the words have not yet registered into her brain. “Now?”

“You can, um,” she pauses. “You can finish your drink first.”

“Thanks.”

Just as Jisoo’s finishing her drink, a very familiar track plays from the speakers and Jennie feels like somebody’s messing with them. It’s KC & The Sunshine Band’s _Give It Up_ , and although it’s not a romantic song, it’s a song that her and Jisoo always played in their car and danced to in their kitchen drunk. When the hook comes, it’s Jisoo that asks: “I guess we should dance now?”

She smiles, and takes her hand as they maneuver to the dance floor where everybody’s equally having a good time as much as she is. In this setting, it’s easy to forget how fucking horrible she actually feels, because she’s dancing and laughing and she’s a little inebriated that it makes her spill into a giggle when Jisoo does a particularly silly move. She twirls Jisoo around, and she thinks, _too in love_ , before the music suddenly switches to a more mellow one.

Jennie’s not familiar with the song. It’s jazzy and sounds a lot like what’s in Jisoo’s alley, and she immediately assumes that with the track change they’re already done dancing, but apparently Jisoo has other ideas when she puts her hands on Jennie’s waist and starts to sway with her. Jennie becomes increasingly aware of the dance floor and how only couples are dancing, but the thought flickers away when Jisoo speaks.

“I heard you’re leaving tomorrow.”

“I am,” she says, swallowing the thick heat coming from the back of her throat. She wants to run.

“What time?”

“5 pm.”

“We already talked about dropping you off.”

“Good.” She pauses. “You better.”

“Do you ever think about why we had to meet again?”

“Lisa had to get married.” She points out. Jisoo laughs softly.

“Other than that.”

“I don’t know.” She says, honestly. She has no idea where the conversation is leading, but she’s not sure if she likes it.

“I think we needed it.” Jisoo’s voice is barely above a whisper. “To see each other, you know? I think it was fate giving us a way to meet again and talk and realize.”

“Realize what?”

Jisoo’s eyes fall shut, breathing deeply before meeting Jennie’s eyes up again. “Realize that even though we love each other, we’re not going to work.”

Jennie’s silent.

“I think Lisa getting married was a way for us to have that closure, somehow.”

_I love you for sentimental reasons,_

“Is this… is this it?” Jennie laughs a little when she realizes that a small tear falls down her cheek. “Is this our personal ending?”

_I hope you do believe it,_

Jisoo stays silent. She nods.

Jennie laughs again. “It was a good story.”

_I’ve given you my heart._

*

“Remember to visit us every Christmas and summer, okay?” Rosie reminds her when they go through the entrance of the airport, stopping at the farthest a non-passenger can go to.

Jennie smiles at her sentiments, chuckling when she looks at their teary faces (even Josh looks a little sad that she’s already off so soon). She zeroes in on Lisa who looks like she’s holding back a sob, so she reaches out for a hug.

“ _Ya_ , if you don’t stay in touch again I will personally hunt you down in New York and beat you up.” Lisa threatens, voice wet and heavy as her grip loosens. “I mean it, unnie. Stop ghosting us.”

“I will.”

She hugs Rosie the next, and she can actually feel her tears soak through her shirt. “Stop crying, dummy.” Jennie remarks when they finally part.

“I can’t help it.” Rosie replies, wiping her tears with her shirt. “We just got you back and you’re leaving again.”

“I’ll be back on Christmas.”

Jisoo’s looking at her like she’s never done before – she almost looks fragile as Jennie stares back at her. She’s crying, subtle drops of tears are falling down her cheeks and Jennie wipes them off before pulling her into an embrace – a proper one where she buries her face into Jisoo’s neck and whispers _I love you_.

“I love you too.” Jisoo says back, a little too loud and Jennie’s almost nervous if the others heard it.

The next one is Josh and thankfully at least one of them hasn’t turned on the waterworks, and she gives him a brief hug as he hands her the suitcase. “If you do anything to hurt Lisa, best believe that you _will_ regret it.”

“Noted.”

Before she knows it, a voice on the speakers remind the hall that the plane Jennie’s booked in is already boarding. She grips the handle on her suitcase, sadly looking at the girls—no, _women_ , she’s leaving behind.

“I’m going to visit on December, I promise.” She smiles. “Good bye. Take care. All of you.”

She doesn’t go for a second hug – the second hug is always more painful, so she’s conditioned herself a long time ago never to go for a second one. She’s near the gate when she hears heavy footsteps follow her. She turns around only to see Jisoo running to catch her, and before she can even ask what’s going on, she feels two hands cupping her face and a set of lips against hers.

“I love you. Always.” She whispers, then hugs her again, and Jennie’s suddenly left stunned. She looks at Rosie and Lisa from afar and they look visibly shocked – gaping at Jisoo as she makes her way back.

_This_ is why she never goes for second hugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry don't hate me the last chapter hopefully comes before june and it's going to be *chefs kiss*... yell at me in the comments


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a/n: to some of you who have seen the 3rd chapter I uploaded a while ago, you weren’t hallucinating. This is just an edit/revision of it, only this time it’s longer and has better development. It’s also VERY long, like 20k+ so hopefully me not updating for a month is forgiven. (also, hylt was a serve but... teddy retire already)

_winter_ , 2026

True to her words, Jennie _does_ end up staying in Seoul for the holidays. She hasn’t had a great track record in keeping promises (as evidenced by recent events) and she actually wants to change that, so she uses her time off of FIT to get into a plane for a surprise visit. 

It’s only been a few months since the breakup – or the non-breakup as her and Jisoo weren’t really _together_ – and Jennie’s heart is still a little tender, judgment still a little clouded and mind still occasionally daydreaming of some astronomically small chance of her and Jisoo getting back together. She doesn’t think she’s ready to see her now, but after all, will she _ever_ be ready to see her? It’s easier to rip off the band-aid than tiptoe around it, or so she thinks. And besides, if she saw Jisoo so soon after all of it, maybe it’ll make it easier for her to process the fact that she should really just start moving on and stop with her unbelievably pathetic pining over a girl who’s never going to take her back.

When she wakes up, she’s still on her plane seat and she’s made aware that there’s still two hours until touchdown. She then sends a message to both Rosie and Lisa, along the lines of _Pick me up, my flight is arriving at 6 PM and I fully expect you two to be there when I touch down_. It takes a little time, the wi-fi is a little shit, shit enough that Jennie can’t even play a youtube video, so she goes back to sleep.

Soon enough, the plane does touch down and she remembers her sizeable dislike for 14-hour flights. Despite having slept most of that time, she drags along her heavy suitcase sluggishly as she gets out of the packed airport. It’s quite a relief to be back after a while – she’s back at home, and it’ll always be her home. She reaches the lobby and fishes out for her phone, hoping from a text from either one of the girls and sees that she does have one from Rosie.

16.46, Roseanne Park: _You are INSANE you should’ve told me sooner. INSANE. Do you know how far the airport is? I BARELY HAVE TIME TO GET READY. You’re INSANE and you owe me dinner._

She laughs at the characteristically over-eager text message, already typing out a response when she hears somebody call out her name.

“Jennie! _Jennie_!”

Rosie is beaming at her, waving at the very best of her abilities with a bodyguard along with her (Jennie knows him – he’s been their bodyguard when they had concerts and had to exit venues). It’s a ten-watt smile, and Jennie finds herself returning it when she sees Rosie holding a small placard messily scribbled with _welcome home, Jennie!_ all over it in neon sharpie colors, and Jennie guesses that if Rosie had been given enough time she would’ve gotten balloons along with it too. Because of _course_ she would do that.

She wheels her bags which weirdly feel immediately lighter and drops them to wrap Rosie in a bone-crushing hug.

“You missed me too much.” Rosie teases when they part.

“Like _you_ haven’t.” She returns, remembering the countless midnight calls they exchanged just talking about their day and critiquing each other on how they deal with their problems ( _“You really can’t judge me on this, unnie – you hid your relationship from your best friends for years.” “What does that have to do with anything?”_ ).

“How have you been? You look horrible.”

Jennie laughs. She’s home.

Her friendship with Roseanne Park has always been very simple: they don’t see eye-to-eye most of the time, they bicker like siblings and it would take a long speech from either Lisa or Jisoo to force them to make up when they have an argument, but even after all of that, they love each other. Rosie’s pretty easy to make happy – a simple glazed donut from the nearest Krispy Kreme would have her over the moon – and so, here Jennie is, prepping up a plethora of junk food (popcorn, diet coke, and the honey butter chips which Jennie finds _absolutely_ abhorrent but still bought because she knows Rosie likes them) on the coffee table while Rosie’s sitting on her couch comfortably, propping up the remote to pick from the selection of musicals displayed on the TV.

It’s the least she can do for staying in for two weeks.

She’d sold off her apartment sometime in the last month, finally putting a nail in the coffin and internalizing that _yes_ , she loves that apartment more than anything and _yes_ , it holds so much sentimental value that it was physically painful for her to put it up on the market, but the history it had was too much for Jennie to bear if she was going to revisit the country again. So here she is now, doing things she wouldn’t normally do to appease Rosie and as some sort of thanks for making her stay.

“Just pick one,” She comments when Rosie starts shuffling between her two options: _Mamma Mia!_ and _Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again_. Jennie has a general dislike towards musicals – finds them corny and distasteful – but she’s found throughout the years that they become even worse when said musicals play ABBA songs that weren’t written for the purpose of being in a musical. “They’re practically the same movie.”

Rosie looks at her, incredulous. “You did _not_ just say that.”

“They _are_ , but one has worse ABBA songs than the other.” Jennie explains calmly, getting comfortable on the other couch.

“You’re no fun.”

“You’re just mad because I’m right.”

“You are _not_ , but I’m going to pick the second one just to spite you.”

Jennie laughs. “So you agree,”

“Shut up or I’ll throw you out.”

They get into the movie, and Lily James is singing a song in a boat somewhere, when Rosie decides to break the silence and their focus on the movie. “So…”

Jennie looks at her curiously from an angle that her position on the couch allows her to. “So?”

“I know we’ve already covered the whole Jisoo thing but can you just—”

She scoffs. “I’m not doing this again.”

And she plans not to – it’s a golden rule she planted even before she decided that she was going back on vacation: she’s never going to explain the details of her relationship with Jisoo to her friends in person (they’ve done it over the phone, _countless_ times, but she doesn’t think she can handle explaining it when Rosie’s face shifts from every possible expression every millisecond) and if she does end up seeing Jisoo, she’s going to act like nothing happened. It may not be the healthiest way of coping, but it’s the only way she knows how to.

“Oh, come on, I’m _dying_ of curiosity and I know you need, like, some sort of emotional support—”

“I don’t.” Jennie says sharply, tone stiff and cold. “I’ve been dealing for years now. Just let it go, because I have.”

They don’t exchange another word for the rest of the night.

Lisa drops in the next day – barreling in through the front door with two paper bags in hand. It happens when Jennie’s mindlessly sitting on the couch enjoying a fresh cup of coffee, scrolling through her Instagram. She immediately gets wrapped in a hug, not even registering things as her mental capacity is on low right now, caused by the small headache from her sleep deprivation because of _course_ they weren’t just going to watch one musical – they ended up watching two more and Jennie had to stay up to all three of it as it was pretty hard to fall asleep through elaborate choreography of people singing enthusiastically.

“I _hate_ you! You don’t get to surprise me like that! Josh and I were out of town last night and I couldn’t come soon enough.” Lisa says eagerly.

“Let go,” Jennie says, voice muffled through Lisa’s shirt.

“I missed you.” She sounds a little sad. It’s amusing to Jennie.

“You can let go now,” Jennie says flatly, because although she likes giving and receiving hugs, she doesn’t particularly like them at 7 in the morning when she hasn’t had a shower _or_ finished her morning coffee yet. Lisa does as she’s told, still beaming and still bright even in the early hours. It’s a little off-putting – Jennie always branded her as the person who hated early wakeup calls and the one she always had to physically drag out of bed when they had to be up at 5 am.

“I’m a little offended that you guys didn’t wait for me to have your slumber party,” Lisa pouts, then quickly smiles when she realizes something and immediately holds up the two paper bags she brought in earlier. “I got us breakfast! Josh couldn’t make it and I’d rather have him make us food but he’s tired of driving, so I got us takeout from that café Rosie really likes. They have _exquisite_ cinnamon rolls.”

“Thanks,” Jennie mumbles and starts scouring through the bag.

“Woah, someone’s a little moody.” She narrows her eyes, voice suspicious.

Jennie takes a bite from the donut she spotted, powdered sugar coating her tongue. “I’m just hungry,” she shrugs. “I’m still a little bit jetlagged, and I haven’t had my coffee yet. Can you blame me?”

“Guess not.” Lisa takes a donut as well and joins Jennie on the couch, propping her feet on the table. “Where’s Chaeng?”

Jennie shrugs. “Probably showering. Maybe she’s not even up.”

Maybe the way she says it pings a small alarm in Lisa, and maybe Jennie said it with a little more spite in her tone than usual, which results in a critical stare coming from her. “Did you guys fight?”

“ _No_ ,” It’s not a lie – they didn’t fight, they just had a little misunderstanding and didn’t talk for the rest of the night. “We didn’t have a fight.”

“Right.” Lisa’s voice is skeptical. Jennie sighs.

“Okay, _fine_ , maybe a little—”

“Aha!”

“But it was only because she couldn’t shut up about it.”

“It being…”

“ _It_.” She emphasizes, hoping the other girl can just take the hint that ‘it’ is the elephant in the room that Jennie’s refusing to address to make sure she doesn’t break down anytime during her stay. It takes a few seconds, but when Lisa realizes what ‘it’ is, she opens her mouth and _ahh_ s in agreement, nodding.

“Well, I mean, you can’t really blame her – I mainly cut my trip short to ask about it too.” She remarks, quickly taking it back. “Not that it’s the only reason, of course I also wanted to see you.”

Jennie rolls her eyes. “Nice save.”

“Sorry,” Lisa grins innocently. “So, what, are you just… going to ignore Jisoo? Like, we have our yearly Christmas party—”

“Since when did you have a yearly Christmas party?”

“Two years ago, I think.” She hums, and pauses. “Wait, no—three, three years ago.”

“Well, it’s not like I didn’t know that she was going to be here.” Jennie says, knowing very well that Jisoo’s a part of their whole close-knitted family and if they had to choose sides, they’d choose hers. (She’s not being bitter, it’s just the truth – you don’t choose somebody who left over the one that stayed.) “I prepared for it. I’m fine, I’m going to be okay.”

“Hmm,”

“I swear, I’m going to be fine. Her and I talked and we’re going to be okay.”

It’s a lie, of course, they didn’t talk after the whole scene at the airport. Jennie had spent the entire plane ride back just pondering over whether or not she’s going to send the text message she’s already drafted in her notes asking what the kiss meant even though she’s already aware what it is – it’s Jisoo’s inner die-hard romantic that made her do it, ask for a _last_ kiss – and if they’re already really over even though she already knows that they _are_ , and that she’s just stubborn enough that even she can’t convince herself.

Then hours passed and she was already in her apartment in Tribeca drowning in her sheets to shake off the jetlag, then days, then months, and now she’s here, back to where her whole predicament arose in the first place, and she still hasn’t talked to Jisoo. She’s sure Jisoo already knows -- Lisa and Rosie would’ve informed her by the time she first texted that she was coming.

“Okay,” Lisa says warily, and Jennie’s grateful she dropped the subject. “But I need you to swear that none of your yearn-y piney gay drama will ruin any of our plans.”

Jennie raises her eyebrow. “I’m not yearning _or_ pining.”

“Then swear it.”

She sighs. “Do I really have to do this?”

“ _Swear_ it.”

“I swear that none of my gay drama will ruin any of our plans.” Jennie resigns mockingly in a monotone voice. “You’re ridiculous.”

Lisa shrugs. “It was necessary.”

*

Jennie loves holiday shopping.

The malls are always full and bright from the plethora of fairy lights strung all over its walls and shops – bright and pretty – and everybody is jolly aside from the parents dragging their kids around who are slowly but surely running out of patience and the people waiting in line for the _very_ long line at the cashier.

She’s been on the line for about ten minutes now, and there’s still about a dozen people in front of her with full shopping carts and she’s only carrying a box of humidifier that she got for Lisa. It’s a cheap gift, something that an estranged family member would gift one at their wedding, she knows, but she can’t think of anything other than that Lisa’s penthouse is a little stuffy and she could use one. She’s humming along to the holiday carol playing over the speakers, swaying her hips in a subtle fashion that anybody but her would detect.

There’s a tap on her shoulder. She turns to her side.

“We really should stop bumping into each other like this.” The woman grins.

There’s really no other explanation for her streak of unfortunate incidents other than that she’s done something wrong in her past life and now the universe is giving her the karma that she deserves. There’s no other explanation, because Jennie _specifically_ chose this mall because it’s almost outside the city, minimizing the odds of her seeing people she doesn’t want to see. Exhibit A: Jisoo, once dubbed love of her life, is by her side, hands on a cart that’s yet to be filled and she’s smiling, _wide_ , like she’s happy to see Jennie despite all of the things that has happened and Jennie supposes it’s just because she’s _Jisoo_ and she’s always happy to see a familiar face – ex or not.

Life has a vendetta against her, and it is ugly.

“Oh, _hi_ ,” Jennie forces a smile, trying to sound as enthusiastically as she can. If it’s sound as fake as Jennie hears it, Jisoo doesn’t seem to notice because her smile only widens.

“Gift shopping?” Jisoo asks, eyeing the box.

“Yes.” She swallows. “Uh, what about you?”

 _Idiot_. Jennie declares herself as a complete idiot.

“Same thing. I don’t have any ideas yet so I’m just going to go around the department store to see if anything’s worthy.”

“Well, good luck.”

“Thank you.”

They pause, and it feels a little awkward. Jennie moves up one space on the queue and she hopes that Jisoo just goes already.

“Well, I should go, now. Take care.”

“You too.” Jennie replies. It’s _awkward_.

When Jisoo finally leaves (waiting has never felt so fucking long), Jennie gets to breathe again. She pays for the item in cash and goes to the gift-wrapping section. _Happy holidays_ , the cashier says. Jennie just smiles.

After that, she kills her time in the food court, snacking on a fruit cup as she people-watches around her. People pass her by in twos, or tens, and an occasional teen suspiciously looks at her in recognition and Jennie would bury her face in her phone, hoping none of them would think it’s her. She’s gotten two gifts so far, Lisa with her humidifier and Rosie whose gift is already on her amazon’s transaction list. She thinks of Jisoo, and wonders if she should get one for her.

She _should_ , right?

Being exes (or two-time exes, is that even a thing?) shouldn’t make her _not_ get a gift, right?

After all, the woman was once her best friend, and the love of her life, and it’s just rude not to get her something, even if it’s just a cheap hallmark card on display at the cashier. But the problem is: she doesn’t really know Jisoo anymore. Jennie’s never been to her place, never even seen the damn building, so she can’t get her an appliance that she lacks, and they didn’t really… talk much about their life. All they did was rehash some old wounds and yelled and kissed and maybe had a few mistakes along the way, but they didn’t _talk_.

Jennie thinks of giving both Rosie and Lisa gifts, then having nothing for Jisoo and she just feels like a terrible person. So she googles something along the lines of _non-passive aggressive gift ideas for my ex who left me in a horrible mental state_ and nothing helpful pops up, just items that would probably further mess up the party they’re planning, so she puts down the phone and gets Jisoo a planner – the decent ones, she picks a planner that has a brown leather covering and is simplistic enough that she knows Jisoo will write on it whenever she will remember. It’s a bad gift, but not _terrible_ , and she’ll take that any day.

Sometime in the afternoon, when she’s exhausted her legs from walking unthinkingly around the mall and she’s dying for a chair, or even to sit down on the tiled floors, she powers through and retreats to her car. When she’s alone and it smells of leather and stale freon, she closes her eyes and lets out a breath on a shaky exhale. It’s mindless and monotonous, and she should be doing a thousand other things right now, but it unfurrows her brows and clears her head until all that is left is Kim Jisoo and _we should really stop bumping into each other like this_ and how she’s smiling like nothing ever happened and how it’s a blow to the fucking gut. She fidgets with the buttons on the side, winding the windows a little down, a little up, until it turns into a rhythm that calms her down.

She thinks of the last time she saw Jisoo – crying, _kissing_ her in an airport like she has the right to, like she didn’t rip her heart out the night before that _and_ the night before that. She thinks of Lisa’s wedding night and how they danced, Jisoo’s arms wrapped around her like she’s not going to let go, but she’s talking about letting go. She thinks of Jisoo walking out of her bedroom after that night, like she’s ashamed and it’s not something she should be doing—

And for the first time in months, Jennie allows herself to cry.

She buries her face in her hands, letting her fingertips feel the onslaught of tears that just won’t stop, even as she’s hitting the dashboard in frustration. Jennie’s supposed to be here on vacation, not only because she promised her friends that she was going to stop being an ass and start keeping her promises, but mostly because it’s for _herself_. She’s doing this for herself – getting back to her friends, her family that she went through everything with – and unburning bridges that years of ghosting cost her. She’s trying to heal the relationships she broke, and now she’s here, crying in her car thinking of Jisoo.

She wonders if she’s pathetic. Maybe she is.

*

“You are.”

Jennie blinks. “That’s harsh.”

“You asked me to be honest, that’s me being honest.” Lisa shrugs. “You’re pathetic. And this-- this, is pathetic.” She grabs Jennie’s half-full glass of wine and drains its content onto the sink. This elicits a gasp from Jennie.

“I got that bottle for W100,000.” She whispers, horrified.

“You’re rich, you can handle a glass being thrown out.” Lisa justifies. “It’s a Friday night, you know we should be doing something fun, right?”

“This is fun.”

“Sitting on my kitchen counter and drinking wine is not fun. That’s what somebody boring would say. When did you become boring?”

“Now you’re just being mean. I’m just tired. Let me be.”

Lisa’s got this look in her eye, it’s mischievous and Jennie has a subtle feeling deep in her stomach that she’s cooking up an idea that Jennie’s not going to like. Then, it’s like a lightbulb went off in her head and a smile spreads all over her face. Jennie definitely does not like it. “Let’s go clubbing.”

Jennie frowns at the suggestion. “Don’t you have a husband?”

“He’s having ‘dude time’ with his dudes.” Lisa air quotes. “One of his friends is having a bachelor’s party for his wedding on January.”

“All the more reason not to go. He doesn’t know, end of discussion, no clubbing.”

“ _Yes_ clubbing. I’m going to text him and tell him we’re going, and he’s going to say yes because he loves me, and because I am a woman who’s more than capable enough to drink and take care of herself.”

And this is why two and a half hours and some tequila later, Jennie finds herself pinned against the restroom stall.

Jennie is very much _not_ the type of girl who makes out in the dirty stalls in the dirty restrooms of dirty clubs with random strangers (not that there’s anything wrong with being that girl, she knows). She’s had her fair share of fun, sure, might’ve drank one too many shots a handful of times and became inappropriate, but not the making-out-in-restrooms inappropriate. It’s embarrassing to see how much she’s devolved into an inebriated, and for a lack of better word, horny woman that settles for quickies. And she’s _aware_ , she knows that she should not be doing any of the things she’s doing right now, but the way this girl’s fingers are digging into her hips just right and the way that she’s kissing the air right out of her lungs makes her grab all of her judgment, tuck them into a plastic bag and throw it all away.

All of this is so unlike her – she’s not the type of person to kiss people she just met. She had a long friendship with Jisoo before they started kissing, she knew who she was and eventually decided that she approved her to be worthy to exchange spit with. And Lucas—well, Jennie did kiss him on their first date, but that took two weeks of getting to know each other and him becoming her personal tour guide to New York. With this thought, she loses concentration in the kiss and breaks free, taking the opportunity to take a deep breath.

“Hold on,” Jennie whispers, cheeks warming up as she becomes increasingly aware that some people in the restroom might’ve picked up on why the last stall has been occupied for the past fifteen minutes. “That’s—you’re—”

“Amazing?” The woman, who Jennie vaguely remembers introducing herself as Jieun, says smugly, her previously impeccable lipstick now smeared all over. It’s hot – the sweating, the tight dresses and their heavy breathing. It gives Jennie some sort of prologue, a sort of sneak peak, as to what she expects the rest of the night to unfold if she plays her cards right—

 _No_.

 _No_ , Jennie scolds herself, because she does _not_ do one-night stands.

She knows there’s nothing wrong with it – pleasurable, no-strings-attached sex with a complete stranger whose feelings she won’t care enough about to band aid the next day when she sneaks out the next day, because it’s _normal_. A lot of people do it – Lucas has done it enough times that when Jennie uses his phone, types out _code_ , and _y_ is immediately suggested by his keyboard. It’s a nice way to unwind and have a good time without repercussion, and maybe that’s why Jennie doesn’t want to ever do it. She’s been used to the default that sex is supposed to be intertwined with love, and anything less than that is sad. And maybe it’s _that_ , it’s that mindset that the guilt stems from, and so she steels up and says _fuck it_ , kisses the woman feverishly once more.

Her dress hitches up in a way that makes the woman able to put her hands somewhere more private, somewhere that Jennie _really_ wants her to put her hands on and this is when her phone rings in her handbag that’s set on the toilet. This prompts another around of sigh from the break, and she checks her phone and sees that Lisa’s calling.

“Oh, thank God, I thought you like, got abducted – listen, we need to go. People are starting to notice who I am.”

Jennie frowns. “Oh,”

“Where even are you? I’ve been looking at the dance floor for so long. I can’t find you anywhere. I even looked at the bar.” This is when the woman decides to continue what she was doing earlier, except her lips are now on the space beneath Jennie’s ear and is going down on a trajectory on her neck and her lips are really hot—it’s _really_ hot, and Jennie moans lightly. “Oh, my _God—_ unnie, are you? Oh, my God, you _are_ , you slut—”

“Shut up,” she breathes.

“Okay, are we going home together? Or are you, like, going home with that—”

Jennie doesn’t _know_ , because the way the woman’s kissing at her collarbone makes her decision-making a little foggy. “Uhm.”

“I told you to _flirt_ with somebody, not sleep with them. Ugh, I’m going home. Enjoy your night, I hope he’s not a serial killer.”

“She.”

“Oh. Wow.” Lisa pauses. “Well, don’t forget to text me. Be safe.”

When she puts down the phone and she stares at the woman— _Jieun_ , she reminds herself—the question as to whether or not she’s going to do this becomes crystal clear.

“Do you want to take this somewhere more private?”

*

Jennie can officially cross off _walk of shame_ on her list of things that she’s never done before. She now knows why it’s called that – as it should be. Her dress from last night is wrinkly and smells like sweat and alcohol, her hair is all over the place and she didn’t wash off her makeup from last night. It’s _shameful_ and yet, she would gladly do it again.

*

_fall, 2027_

**FROM:** Jisoo Kim <kimjisoo@gmail.com>

 **TO:** Jennie Kim <jennierubyjanekim@gmail.com>

 **DATE:** Sat, Sep 9, 2027 at 02:32 AM

 **SUBJECT:** Lunch?

_Hey, I was wondering if we could grab lunch sometime? I’m in New York for two whole weeks because of NYFF 2027 and one of the movies I co-produced is showing next week. Respond when you can, I need a local to tell me where to eat._

_Also, I missed you last time! I went to Singapore with my parents for Christmas and couldn’t make it to the party. Did you enjoy my gift? I’m using yours whenever I have plans, very handy. Thanks for it, by the way._

_Again, we should have lunch. I’ll buy._

It takes Jennie two days to think about it – listing the pros and cons in her head as to why she should say yes to lunch, because _what_ , it’s just lunch, then running every possibility through Lucas with very extensive discussions on future scenarios that could happen on said meal – before replying to the email and saying yes, and to meet her at Balthazar. It’s just lunch. (Now, see, if Jisoo requested for dinner, it would be a whole other discussion because dinner calls for wine, and wine makes everything sexy, and sexy should not be something that crosses Jennie’s head when she’s having dinner with Jisoo.)

She’s going to take Jisoo to one of the best restaurants in town, maybe walk around Soho for a little while, part ways, then never see each other again for the rest of Jisoo’s stay.

The lunch happens on a Thursday, and the weather… is terrible. The clouds are grey and full, pouring down on the pavement. It’s cold, and Jennie’s coat is only a few steps away from soaked when she bolts out of the subway steps, immediately seeking shelter on the bus stop and doing a poor attempt at drying herself off. Her face and hair are wet, too, all of her efforts at putting on makeup and curling her hair are all wasted away.

When she arrives at the restaurant, after calling a cab and travelling only three blocks, she immediately sees Jisoo on a booth beside the window. It’s one of those movie moments – the view crystalizing dramatically in her head, the raindrops that fall seemingly slower in a regulated pattern _tap tap_ against the ground, a soft breeze – a mix of cold air and exhaust from the public transport, and Jisoo looking… different. It’s subtle, Jennie can see that she’s dyed her hair a little lighter and cut them above her shoulder. It’s pretty – she’s pretty. Beautiful.

The moment gets ruined when a pedestrian bumps her by the shoulder and receives a half-assed _sorry_. She gets thrown back into reality, suddenly becoming self-aware that she’s staring through a restaurant window like a self-obsessed stalker. So, she gathers all of it up – her confidence, the aura that _the_ Jennie Kim can only exude – and strides through the door.

It’s a little ridiculous, and frankly unhealthy, because Jennie’s a very attractive, very rich, very successful woman and she could date anybody she wanted to date, because she’s a little bit of a narcissist like that, but not enough that she’s not self-aware of it. But it’s _this_ , this feeling of being lost in Jisoo’s eyes and her heart beating out of her chest when she sees her that makes her _not_ feel attractive or rich or successful, because she couldn’t get her feelings in check and can’t follow a simple instruction of moving on—

“You’re wet.”

“Huh?”

“I said you’re wet.”

She takes a few moments, which solidifies the notion in her head that she is completely socially inept when it comes to talking to people she once pictured of marrying (although to be fair, it’s only really been Jisoo). “ _Oh_ ,” she stares at her wet coat, then shrugs it off before sitting down and folds it neatly beside her seat. “Yeah, I got a little soaked on the way. It’s nothing.”

“You’re going to catch a cold if you don’t dry off.” Jisoo says, and if Jennie’s not wrong, she hears concern laced within the sentence.

“I haven’t had a sick day in years – I’ve gotten used to the weather.” She shrugs, trying to look as relaxed as she can as she runs her hand through her hair, confirming that it is, in fact, damp. “Have you been waiting long?”

“Long enough that that waiter behind you looked at me funny before you got here.” Jisoo quips, smiling as she sips on her water. “All jokes aside, I haven’t been here that long. Maybe ten, fifteen minutes.”

“Okay, good, I’d never forgive myself if I were late.”

Jisoo shakes her head amusingly. “Liar.”

“Am not.” Jennie scoffs at the insinuation. She knows what Jisoo’s jabbing at – Jennie’s always late, if it were to practices or to getting in the group’s van, or to parties (and within all good reason, she never did anything that would harm their schedule, only bumped it a few minutes later than YG would deem acceptable). “I’m never late.”

“You were late to Lisa’s engagement party.” She points out.

“I was jetlagged,” Jennie justifies. “And it’s an _engagement_ party – she could go on without me.”

“Hm,”

“You were also late to the wedding.”

“I was late to the _fitting_ ,”

“Damn it.” She curses under her breath, but just enough that Jennie hears it and chuckles.

It’s so easy to be together like this – without worries, just talking like nothing happened, like all is right with the world and they never dated, just stayed friends like they were supposed to be in the beginning and are now just catching up after a long time of not seeing each other. Jennie orders for her when the waiter comes, settling for something she knows Jisoo’s tastebuds would like. They talk about their lives as they eat their lunch (“ _Okay, this is worth the cab fare_. _” “I told you you’d like it.”_ ) – Jennie’s adjustment as a student and Jisoo, how she liked a script so much she decided to back and produce it, which is how she ended there.

She’s sitting on a squishy leather seat, relearning all the ways on how to talk to Jisoo, avoiding everything she did the last time, because that really did _not_ go well.

It’s on their fifth topic of small talk when Jennie starts to lose all the nerves that have been building up for the past few days, when Jisoo does that thing she does with her eyes – when she smiles so widely that her eyes crinkle up and they look like they’re sparkling – from amusement, a quip one of them threw at the other, and Jennie can’t stop the laughter that spills out of her from the jokes.

“How come you didn’t direct it?” Jennie asks when they switch to a more serious topic. “If you liked the script so much, how come you didn’t just, I don’t know, take the script and direct it?”

She shrugs. “I’m still studying how to. I can’t just take a full-term college course and direct a feature-length film. I’ve only ever worked on short films, and I’ve been lucky enough that they got the recognition.”

“Stop that.” Jennie narrows her eyes.

“Stop what?”

“ _Lucky_? You’re basing your success on luck – don’t do that.”

“It’s not a secret.” She takes a sip of her bubbly (it’s a little sexy, but that’s unrelated). “I read my IMDB once or twice.”

“Since when did you read what the critics say?”

“I don’t know.” She smiles, taut, and Jennie knows it’s fake.

*

“That was really nice.” Jisoo says when they step out of the restaurant.

It’s no longer raining, it had stopped a little while ago, but it’s still cold enough that Jennie scoots closer to her to leech on some semblance of body heat. They continue to walk, Jennie doesn’t know where they’re heading, and she’s sure Jisoo doesn’t know either.

“I told you you’d like the place.”

There’s a pause, then Jisoo reaches out for her arm. “You never took me here.”

“Yes, I did.” Jennie says, trying to recall that week of when Jisoo unprecedentedly showed up in the city, which led to Jennie being a tour guide to the whole downtown Manhattan, even Brooklyn – she’s _sure_ she didn’t miss Soho. Right? “Did I?”

“You didn’t.” Jisoo says, looking around and continuing to drag Jennie by the arm. “You have shitty memory. You never took me here.”

“Well, I’m _sorry_ , but you made it pretty difficult for me when you kept complaining of it smelling like rat pee every time we stepped foot outside.” Jennie laughs. “And to think people thought _I_ was prissy. They should’ve met you.”

Jisoo glares at her. “But it did smell like rat pee—”

“ _—Ehem_. Prissy.”

“Now you’re just teasing me.” She pouts a little, and it makes Jennie’s knees a little wobbly. She’s wearing a pair of choos – maybe _not_ her best call due to the weather and the company that has inhuman abilities to make one’s knees weak. “So, why do you like it here so much?”

“You’re just going to mock me again.” Jennie shakes her head, completely ignoring the hand wrapped around her arm. “You’re going to say it’s because of the rat pee.”

“I’m not.” Jisoo laughs. “I swear, no judgment here. No mocking.”

“Well,” she pauses and looks around. There’s a guy across the street that gets his taxi swiped from him by another man that he flips off. There’s a couple heading their way, both men and both as flamboyant as they can be. There’s a woman in the highest possible heels in a power suit getting into the back of a car. “I don’t know.” She answers truthfully.

Jennie… doesn’t _know_ (New York Fashion Week goes up the top a list of why she loves it here, if there ever is one). She’d fallen in love with the traffic, the lights and the bustle of the city. But Seoul had that too – all of it. The lights, the traffic ( _god_ , don’t get her started on Gangnam) and the bustle. She doesn’t know what she finds so appealing about a city that charges her _way_ too much on rent, that forces her to take public transportation because driving will literally drive her insane, that’s the definition of pollution, but she loves it. She loves all of it.

“Boo,” Jisoo says. “There’s something that must’ve made you pick this place. You could’ve moved anywhere else – Japan, or Europe, or LA. You would’ve _loved_ LA.”

“I would have.” Jennie chuckles, picturing the sun and beaches. “I would’ve gotten a beach house cheaper than my apartment, too.”

“Or you could have stayed in Seoul, now _that_ would be cheap.” Jisoo laughs, and Jennie chuckles along awkwardly. She knows it’s a joke, a little _haha_ _remember that stupid thing you did_ , but it digs a little deeper and it pangs against her chest.

“Jisoo…”

“Relax, I’m over it.” She waves her hand nonchalantly. “I get why you did what you did. You were never the type to stay if you had nothing to stay for and… look at this place. I mean, I _hate_ it, I could never live here, but it’s beautiful and you fit in it so well.”

“All that film school really messed with the way you speak.”

Jisoo narrows her eyes at her, but it’s benign, and it makes Jennie burst out into a smile. “You’re a bully.”

She shrugs. “Only to the ones that deserve it.”

Jennie doesn’t even notice it at first – they walk around in the neighborhood, Jisoo’s hand still wrapped around her arm, lost in conversation about random superficial things that come up in conversation. They walk into a museum soon enough, and they’re taking pictures and analyzing the art, then Jennie falls into the realization that it’s no longer lunch anymore – it is 3:30 in the afternoon and she just spent the better half of her day unaware that she’s given Jisoo a tour around the place.

“We’ve already seen this earlier, right?” Jisoo asks as she’s pointing to a sketch of a naked woman covering herself in blood. They’ve tried to interpret it earlier as some sort of structural feminist idea, but just started grasping at straws until they moved to the next painting.

“I think we already circled the entire gallery.”

Jisoo looks down at the painting once more, deep in thought. “We should go, then.”

She doesn’t grab Jennie’s arm anymore, instead settles on holding her hands. The action makes Jennie jump a little, but it doesn’t matter anymore when she gets led out of the museum and into the chilly, damp air outside. She tightens her coat, pulling it closer to herself using her unoccupied arm. It’s still a little wet from the rain earlier, but it still does its purpose at keeping her warm (although Jennie doesn’t know if it’s the coat or Jisoo).

“I’m a little upset I never got good at art.” Jisoo tells her, hand still in hers. The action is not out of the ordinary – she’s always been affectionate, using touch as a way to express it, and Jennie would always call her _grabby_ whenever she would link their arms together or find a way to tangle their limbs together. She never realized how much she missed it.

“You are literally an ex-singer turned filmmaker.” Jennie points out.

“I meant _art_ art. Paintings and drawings. If I knew how to do oil painting I would never stop. I’d just be oil painting all day.”

“That’s a fair point.”

“Chaeyoung _loves_ oil painting. I got her a brush set once—disgusting price tag. I think a brush cost me W12,000. I don’t know how they do it.”

Jennie nods, a soft laugh bubbling up from her chest. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” Jisoo looks up, eyes innocent and beaming.

“Never fail to amuse me.”

“It’s one of my many superpowers.” She lets go of Jennie’s hand, and the momentary disappointment settles in her chest. Jisoo shifts nervously from foot to foot. “I should go, it’s late and I think I’ve held you hostage.”

Jennie knows this, but she checks her phone for the time anyway and feigns shock when she looks at the clock. “I didn’t realize it was already 4.”

“Time flies by with good company.” Jisoo says, a little proud of herself with a smug look on her face.

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“We should, uhm, do this again.”

“We should.” Jennie agrees softly. _We shouldn’t_.

“I’m going to call a cab. I’m guessing you’ll…”

“I’m taking the subway. Because unlike _you_ , I actually know my way around here.”

Jisoo smiles. “Classic New Yorker hating the tourist.”

“Text me next time you’re in town.”

“I’d like that.”

Jennie tries really hard not to initiate a hug.

She turns around quickly when she bids a goodbye, shoving her hands in her coat pockets before heading toward the nearest subway station. She tries not to think of the missed opportunity as she sits in an uncomfortable position, cramped beside strangers with questionable hygiene and body odor.

*

“How did I not know about this?” Lucas is incredulous.

“Trust me, I was surprised too.” Jennie exchanges monotonously.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were going to lunch with your ex.”

“Last I checked you weren’t my therapist.”

“You don’t even have one.”

“ _Exactly_.”

Jennie’s splayed out on her couch watching her fifth consecutive episode of Grey’s Anatomy on the TV, consuming an unhealthy amount of chips with Lucas on the phone. He’s rambling on about how he’s her best friend and that she should tell him about things like this and let him help, or at least let him talk about how bad Jennie’s decision making is, and Jennie just lets out blasé _hmm_ s and _uh-huh_ s in response to him as she immerses in the world of very uncoordinated and _very_ attractive (she’s had a crush on Derek Shepherd for the better part of her teenage years) doctors.

“You’re not even listening.”

“Hmm?”

“This is just insulting, really.”

“Mhm.”

“Jennie.”

“Hmm.”

“ _Jennie!_ ”

“No need to yell.” Jennie snaps out of her trance, her Derek Shepherd induced trance, and pauses the episode. “I _did_ get lunch with her and I _did_ accidentally spend a few hours with her more than I’d originally planned but… it all worked out. We weren’t awkward or weird about it. We just had a good time. No need to be worried.”

“I’m just making sure.”

“You don’t need to.”

There’s a sigh from the other line, and Jennie can tell he’s being his normal worried self. It makes her a little warm inside. “I just don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Jennie remembers it perfectly. She remembers coming home from her stay in South Korea for Lisa’s wedding, she remembers Lucas picking her up from the airport and a whole weekend dedicated to her just… _crying_. She remembers how much it hurt – finally letting go, coming to terms with the events that had happened, and recognizing that she didn’t want any of that to happen again (why she’s doing it again, she doesn’t know).

Instead of being sad about it, she laughs. She laughs – the kind that’s breathtaking and makes her eyes water a little bit. “Don’t remind me, oh my _god_. I was stupid.”

“Right. And now I’m making sure you’re not being stupid again.”

“I promise I’m not.”

“You better not be.”

*

_winter, 2027_

Jennie very rarely has time for anything these days, and that includes her routine weekend sleepovers with Lucas. The routine had never been broken unless one of them were out of town. Their whole exes turned into best friends thing has become a conversation starter when somebody new gets introduced to their friendship circle, usually asking if they still have the occasional slip-up hook-up, which would earn a firm _no_ from either of them, sounding borderline disgusted. Sure, yes, she can list a few good reasons as to why a stranger would assume they’re together and it’s usually amusing to both of them, but it gets really old when Lucas’ mom still asks her if they’re still secretly dating or when the restaurant waiter constantly assume they’re in a date and recommend ‘sexy’ dishes.

So when she has free time on a Friday night, she asks him for a night out to go to their favorite bar. It’s only a few blocks off Lucas’ workplace, so she offers to pick him up after his work.

“Turner, your girlfriend is here.” One of his coworkers, Mark, calls out loudly when he spots her getting out of the elevator on the way to Lucas’ office. Jennie rolls her eyes playfully, a small laugh bubbling up.

“When are you ever going to let that go?” She says, stopping by his cubicle and sitting his desk.

“When he gets a girlfriend.” He shrugs. “I think he needs one. He’s becoming evil.”

“How come?”

“He’s becoming bossier than usual. He’s got a stick up his ass.”

Jennie grins interestedly, about to ask another question when she gets interrupted. “Who’s got a stick up their ass?”

Suddenly Lucas is beside her, invested in her and Mark’s conversation. “Nobody.” Jennie replies innocently, grinning slyly at Mark.

“Well, keep your secrets. Let’s go.”

They say a quick goodbye to Mark and to some of the people still left at the office, with Lucas reminding each person he passes by that the deadline for their report is at midnight. Jennie laughs to herself when one of them whispers _dick_ under their breath.

“Your coworkers hate you.” Jennie informs him when they’re already walking down the street on the way to the bar.

“They hate me _now_. We got a very demanding client this month.”

“Mark says you have a stick up your ass.”

“I know.” He huffs. “I heard. And I don’t—I’m just stressed. I’ve got deadlines and I’m really second-guessing my decision to get a PhD.”

“We should date.” Jennie suggests.

“I’m not into you anymore.”

“I meant _we_ , separately, not as a unit.”

“I date. _You_ don’t.”

She looks at him, skeptical. “But they’re not girlfriends – you need a girlfriend.”

“You sound like my mom.”

“Which means I’m right.”

“Fine,” He surrenders, sighing. “Then I guess we should start now.”

They devise a plan for the night, promising that they’re going to leave with at least a new phone number in their contacts. It’s a little distasteful – getting people’s phone numbers at bars – but Jennie can’t really judge anymore, seeing as she’s already done way worse the last time she was at the club with Lisa.

They enter the bar and it’s packed as it usually is on a Friday night. They head onto an empty table and it’s Jennie’s least favorite one. The table is rickety and moves at the slightest touch and it’s just beside the jukebox which makes it ten times as hard to listen to anything Lucas talks about.

“Rum and coke? Or margarita?” He asks once they take off their coats and sit down on their chairs. The table shakes.

“Rum and coke.”

Once he takes off to order, Jennie looks around the room. If Lucas was anywhere serious with his statement, she should start looking around now. The brunette by the corner is a strong contender, seeing as Jennie already knows what his type is. Blonde by the window… redhead… another brunette… and—

“Jennie?”

Her gym instructor.

(It’s the first time she’s seen her outside of the establishment, outside of those tight leggings and sports bras and trainers, and the first thing she thinks is _wow_.)

“Charlie, what are you doing here?” She says, a little tongue-tied.

“Just out for a drink. I live nearby.”

She nods. “How come I’ve only seen you now? I go to this place frequently.”

“Just moved out of my ex-girlfriend’s apartment and moved in the neighborhood. I’m still adjusting.”

Jennie smiles. _Interesting_.

*

Jennie stays at a hotel room this time, no longer accepting offers from neither Rosie or Lisa to stay at their places. The last year was fun – constant sleepovers and company, but she needs a little privacy to herself now. (And some room service would be preferable – although the girls’ refrigerators are stocked, she doesn’t have the ability to whip up anything.)

Said privacy is enjoyed for a few short minutes before the buzzer on her door goes off a couple of times before she drags herself out of her very comfortable bed that may be the reason why a night in her hotel room costs half a million won, and she opens it to see Rosie with a bottle of wine in one hand, a takeout paper bag on the other. She enters without acknowledgment, barging in and making Jennie move aside.

“Hello to you, too.” Jennie grumbles as she closes the door behind her.

Rosie’s sitting down on the couch with the wine and food set down on the table. “This is _very_ bad.”

“What’s very bad?” She queries, brow shooting up at Rosie’s tone.

Rosie shifts in her seat, patting beside her so Jennie can sit as well. Jennie does so, and Rosie sets her hand down on Jennie’s lap. “I don’t know how to break this to you.”

Rosie has always had a thrill for dramatics, dragging things out long enough that it’s still interesting, but Jennie doesn’t have the patience for it right now. She’s tired from the jetlag and her head aches from the expenses her credit card is building up. “Break _what_? Just say it, I’m tired and hungry and I need slee—”

“Jisoo’s dating somebody.” She says quickly, breathing deeply afterwards. Suddenly, the cat’s out of the bag.

Jennie’s eyes widen, but she tries to correct it immediately by loosening her already stiff shoulders and blinking a few times, shaking her head just to make sure she heard it correctly. “Okay…”

“No, this is _bad_ , how are you not upset?” She says in a panic, running her hands through her hair. “This is really bad. You need to win her back. Do something, _anything_.”

This prompts a malicious look from Jennie. “How is it bad?”

Rosie takes a deep breath. “You two are made for each other, like, _literal_ soulmates. And now she’s dating this guy, a _kpop_ guy, which, tells you everything about why she shouldn’t date him, and you two are like—Jack and Rose. You need to be back together.”

The new information now finally settles in Jennie’s brain. It took a little time to get there, maybe because of Rosie’s poor communication skills when she’s in distress or denial, or some mix of both, but it finally registers, and she nods in acknowledgement. Jisoo’s dating somebody, and from Rosie’s frantic explanation of everything she can tell that it’s probably going really well. Jennie doesn’t know what to feel.

“Good for her.” She swallows.

“ _Good for_ —god, I came to you to start an intervention. I already came to Lisa about this and she doesn’t want to do anything, and right now it seems I’m the only person in their right mind who can see that you and Jisoo are meant to be. And right now she is dating a guy who is very dreamy and very nice, but he also has a plethora of teenage girls ready to attack once they find out their _oppa_ is dating a woman who was once in the industry—and, and, why would she date him when she could be dating _you_?” Rosie blurts out without a pause, and Jennie’s a little impressed and a little terrified at once.

“That’s…”

“A lot, I know, but that’s why you should do something!” She whines petulantly and Jennie recognizes the face, it’s her facial expression when something doesn’t go her way – a character from a show she really likes dies, or when she’s the first to be killed off in a first-person shooter video game, or when her favorite fictional couple doesn’t end up together.

“Would it make you feel better if I told you I’m also dating somebody?” Jennie says carefully before she can stop herself from admitting it, a little amusement seeping into her voice.

“You’re _what_?” She goes from mildly distressed to borderline unhinged, and this provokes a laugh from Jennie. “You’re _dating?_ Oh god, this is even worse than I expected. Why aren’t—this is _terrible_.”

“You really need to calm down before you have a heart attack.” She puts her hands on Rosie’s back, rubbing it at an attempt to give her back some tranquility she desperately needs. “Jisoo’s dating somebody else, I’m dating somebody else. It’s not that complicated. We’re just… not the couple you think we are.”

“Now you’re just breaking my heart on purpose.” Rosie replies, looking down on the carpets. “I came here to devise a ‘how to win Kim Jisoo back’ plan and it backfired.”

Jennie takes the liberty to wrap her arm around Rosie’s shoulder, dragging her close until she rests her head against her shoulder. “There’s always going to be some part of me that’ll stay in love with Jisoo, and maybe I’ll never fully get over her, but that doesn’t mean we’re meant to be. That doesn’t mean I don’t get to have another great love of my life. And… you know, as long as Jisoo’s with a great guy, then I’m all good. Happiness is just all I want for her.”

“Fuck you.” She can’t see Rosie’s face from the angle, but she hears some sniffling and a sharp intake of breath. “Now why would you say that when you know how it would make me feel.”

Jennie is unable to suppress a snort at the image of Rosie getting teary-eyed from her and Jisoo’s failed attempt at a relationship. “You seem more invested in it than me.”

“Because deep down I’ve always known you two were a thing.” She replies softly, digging her face deeper into Jennie’s neck.

“What?”

“I mean, you two were basically living together. She never had a lockscreen other than you, or the dogs, or both. If she fell sick, you’d postpone solo photoshoots, and she did the same if it was you. Deep down, I’ve always suspected, but I didn’t want to be the girl who asked and made everything weird.”

Jennie’s a little dumbfounded, lost for words, because she’s only now realizing how much detectable their relationship was, if somebody paid enough attention. “Wow.”

“Wow is right.”

Their conversation falls into a lull, accompanied by the music coming from Jennie’s phone by the bed that she was listening to before Rosie broke in on her alone time. There’s a question floating around in Jennie’s head, and she does everything in her power to not ask it. She doesn’t want to know, but at the same time it’s the only thing her brain could focus on.

“Who is she dating?”

Rosie then takes her head off Jennie’s shoulder and looks at her. “Promise you won’t freak out if I told you?”

“I promise.” She says tiredly as she lets out a small yawn.

“It’s Jinyoung.”

“The guy from…”

“Yes, that guy.”

Jennie’s met him a couple of times in award shows and on the set of iInkigayo when she would come as support for Jisoo. From the times she's encountered him, he has been nothing but kind and Jennie can recall a few instances when he had made her laugh out loud. This gives her some sort of peace, because at least now she knows Jisoo isn't dating a massive douche bag, and that she's dating a pretty decent guy. But she also recalls a few petty fights with Jisoo, especially when he had been sending her flowers and chocolates unfailingly every week for a few months when he thought he had a chance, and Jennie would sometimes throw out the flowers and eat the chocolate out of spite. Jisoo would always just laugh at Jennie’s ridiculous jealousy, pinching her cheeks while Jennie’s devouring the chocolates, and saying that there wasn’t anything going to happen between them, and that she had nothing to worry about.

She sighs. “At least she picked a good one.”

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

“Who are you dating?”

“Oh,” Jennie didn’t plan on sharing any of her love affairs to them, especially since they’re not even really dating, only went out on one date and would’ve went on a lot more but Jennie had to go out of the country, which pushed their future dates up a month. There will be future dates, or at least Jennie thinks so, if their exchanged flirty text messages were any indication. “I’m dating this girl… Charlie. I met her at the gym.”

“What does she do?”

“She’s the gym instructor.”

“You’re dating a gym instructor?” Rosie says it in a tone that makes Jennie scoff.

“Don’t be a snob. She handles celebrities.”

“I wasn’t being a snob.” She defends, putting her hands up. “I was merely clarifying.”

“Snob,”

“—I’m just saying, who replaces a goddess like Jisoo unnie with a gym instructor? It just doesn’t seem rational to me, whether or not this Charlie woman handles celebrities or not. She could handle Taylor Swift and I wouldn’t care.”

“She actually does. You can check her insta.” Jennie replies offhandedly. “And Charlie is a goddess too.”

“This is so unfair.” Rosie groans, burying her face in her hands. “Everything has gone off the rails. I came here looking for a way to get the Jensoo ship going and instead I find that it’s crashed into an iceberg.”

“That is your second Titanic reference for tonight—”

“This is so stupid, I was deprived of years of countless opportunities to tease you both. It’s unjustified.”

“Does she make you happy?” Rosie’s voice has turned thoughtful now.

“We’re not serious yet, but she does. She does.” Jennie smiles and Rosie smiles back at her, like some sort of a Pavlovian response between the two of them.

The night ends with them digging into the food Rosie brought and drinking in a few sips of wine, just enough to make Jennie feel sleepier than before. Rosie leaves her hotel room with a hug and promises for a shopping spree in the next few days.

*

The news, the Kim Jisoo is dating Kim Jinyoung news, messes less with Jennie that she thought it would. She’d thought she would have some kind of reaction to it, like an impulsive night at a club, or drinking her self-pity away, but she didn’t have any. It’s just sort of there in her brain – resting, sitting, and Jennie’s made peace with it.

Jisoo is dating, and Jennie’s having really convoluted text conversations with Charlie about a terrifying subreddit they both took an interest to. It’s fine, she’s fine, they’re fine.

At least about when she’s drinking a cappuccino in the afternoon at her favorite coffee shop, earphones plugged in without a care in the world and all, and her head starts to hurt. She’s had a fever since this morning, but it was low-grade (or at least she thinks it is, she’s always had a pretty high tolerance for fevers and headaches), and it’s starting to feel not so low-grade now.

She spends the rest of the day in her hotel room, slumped over in her bed and trying to ignore her worsening state. She’s sweaty and her head feels like it’s going to explode in any minute, and her abdomen suddenly develops an insanely acute pain. She tries to think of reasons for what it is—cholera, dead bowel, cancer—

And suddenly the pain hits a whole new high, and if a nurse had to ask Jennie to rate it from 1-10, she’d tell the nurse to shut up and just help her out.

She planned on riding out the fever on ibuprofen and water alone, but now it seems that that’s no longer an option, so she resorts to calling the people she knows. It’s one in the morning, and she doesn’t know if anybody’s awake at that point. Everything is painful and she tries contacting everybody she can think of. Lisa’s apparently sleeping earlier (it is one fucking AM, Lisa usually sleeps at 2 and at the _one_ night Jennie needs her she decides to get her sleep schedule straight, damn it) and so is Rosie, and Roseanne Park has always been a rock when she’s asleep, unable to wake until poked and prodded , so she’s stuck with the one option she dreads to call. She could always call her parents, too, but they’re about two hours away from the city and Jennie’s pretty sure she would have died of something at that point.

And so, in the midst of all the swearing and clutching her painful, _painful_ abdomen, she wills herself to swallow her pride and calls Jisoo. A part of her is hoping she doesn’t answer, because Jennie probably looks like hell, and she doesn’t want to look like the ex that looked worse once broken up with, and a part of her is hoping does she does answer because she feels like any minute now she might explode, bleed out on the floor and die.

“Hello?”

*

“Hurry up,” Jennie croaks out, still slumped over and clutching at her seatbelt.

“I _am_. I’m just trying to not crash the car and get us both sent into the hospital.”

“I think I might be dying.”

“Let’s not jump into anything, okay?” She sounds calm and collected, and if she still knows Jisoo she knows that that sound is fake, and that it’s been practiced enough times so she can calm the group down when they would face enormous crowds, but deep inside she’s really, _really_ , not calm.

“I wouldn’t be if I didn’t feel like I was dying. _Fuck_ —holy fucking, _god_ , I might actually die in your car. You might have to sell it now. You might have to. I might haunt it.”

“I swear to god Jennie if you don’t shut the hell up right now.”

“You are threatening a dying lady—”

“You are not dying.” She says firmly, briefly looking at Jennie then going back on the road. Her car GPS voices out that the hospital is about 2 kilometers away.

“This is actual grandma driving. I can’t believe I called the most insufficient driver.”

“I am going at 90 kilometers. If I went anything past that you’d be dying in jail.”

“Please just get me to the hospital.” Jennie whines and starts to cry. Her head hurts, her abdomen hurts, her body hurts all over and she’s starting to feel emotional over the things she’s never done in life. She’s never gone skydiving, or swimming with sharks, she never even gone to six flags out of pure fear—

“Shut up, we’re here.”

Everything is a blur after that. Jennie gets transferred to a gurney and then to an emergency room, and she can barely hear anything out of pure exhaustion aside from the words appendectomy and surgery. She remembers mumbling to a doctor not to leave a scar, then she gets straight into an emergency room.

When she wakes up, she’s in another room, presumably for recovery. She looks around – there’s a little bit of sun peaking in from the blinds, and the clock propped by the side tells her it’s a little past 4 in the morning. Jisoo’s lying on the chair beside her. She chances a glance at her. Jisoo’s sleeping in an uncomfortable position which puts a smile on her face, because she knows Jisoo will complain about neck and back ache for the next twelve hours, and she can almost pretend that they’re back to where they started, sleeping over each other’s beds. She’s draped with the coat Jennie used last night, using it as a blanket – a small detail that warms Jennie’s belly.

She’s tired, a mixture of anesthesia and fever, but she makes an effort to croak out and alert Jisoo. She doesn’t want to wake her, and given her physical state it would be wise not to engage in any conversation right now, but she’s afraid that when the morning comes, they won’t be able to have any time together. Alone.

So she rasps out as loud as her diaphragm allows her to, and Jisoo jolts in her seat, looking around and seeming as if she’s forgotten where she was. She looks at Jennie, and without warning she flings her arms around her body. The hug’s not as tight as the ones Jennie would normally receive, and it’s probably because Jisoo thinks she’s made of glass right now. The hug is soft and warm, and it reminds her of hot chocolate on rainy days.

“You scared me.” She whispers into Jennie’s ear, taking her time, burying her nose in her neck even deeper.

“I had a lame surgery.” Jennie says, voice gruff from the disuse, hoping some semblance of humor seeps into her sentence. “It was routine appendectomy. I feel lame.”

This is when Jisoo raises her head to stare her down, slapping her lightly on her arm. “Shut up, it isn’t funny. I was genuinely scared.” She hugs her again, and Jennie laughs against the pressure of another human body against hers.

“How scared?”

“Scared enough to drive over speed limit.”

A beat passes. “Thank you for driving me here.”

“Thank you for not dying.” Jisoo replies after some time, fingers tightening against the hospital gown. “I really need to ask the nurse when you can get a shower.”

*

_spring, 2028_

“Well I say you look very sexy.”

“ _Thank_ you.”

“No, he doesn’t—he looks ridiculous.”

“I swear you’re just making fun of me.” Lucas looks at Jennie through the reflection of the mirror. “Charlie’s being more supportive than you are. I should switch friends.”

“Charlie is being nice, because that’s what she is. She doesn’t have the capability to tell you that you look appalling.”

“I do too.” Charlie chimes in from beside her, throwing her a glare. “But he doesn’t look appalling.”

“Babe, he looks like the creepy estranged uncle at a kid’s birthday party—"

“Why do I even try,” He sighs. “Fine, I’m shaving the moustache off.”

“Thank you.”

*

Things fall into an easy pattern a couple of months into the year. Jennie starts to really excel in her classes, makes it official with Charlie on valentine’s day (and she would make fun of herself if she could, too, but Charlie’s just Charlie and she is all rainbows and romance and sunshine), and goes on double dates with Lucas and his flavor of the month. She’s starting to learn how to cook, too, and just the other night she’d tried to make Charlie a simple meal of jogaetang, as some sort of taste of what her heritage’s cuisine is like which she’s sure made Charlie never want to ever visit South Korea.

Their relationship is moving along great, and it feels like she’s finally doing something right. When she’s over at Charlie’s on Saturday nights and she watches her with slow warmth, all curly wild hair and glowing earth-brown skin and perfection, she feels like she’s hit the jackpot at the lottery because for once there isn’t a crack in her heart that she’s trying to cover up and ignore. It is still there, sure, and she’s sure it always will be, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. Not like it used to.

Jisoo’s still dating Jinyoung – news of them broke out a few weeks after Jennie’s vacation. She made sure to check up on her, see how she was doing over the storm that the media cooked up, and she’d said that she was fine, that Jinyoung was being there for her through all of it.

Jennie is happy, and Jisoo is happy.

All is right with the world.

Well, _almost_ —at least until there’s a knock on her door one Sunday morning and when she opens it, Jisoo’s there with a hopeful smile and a luggage behind her. She looks exhausted, indicated by the bags under her eyes and her taut smile.

“Hi.” She greets, leaning against Jennie’s doorway.

“Why are you—”

“Can I get inside first, please?”

Jennie nods, unsure of what’s happening, if it’s even happening at all. It feels like a fever dream. “Sure.”

She immediately lets herself in, situating herself on the sofa. Jennie remembers the first time Jisoo was here – about a month after their breakup, and she remembers that Jisoo liked her everything-except-bathroom apartment. It’s a studio with floor to ceiling windows that show a small view of the outside (there’s not much to see from the fourth floor, but Jennie doesn’t regret not getting a higher floor, a mix of her irrational dislike for elevators and the absurd exponential increase in rent the higher the apartment is). Jisoo was the one that forced her to get curtains, and until now she’s still using the same set they got from a depot store that she drops off at the cleaners every 3 months, or at least when she remembers to.

“I’m thinking of moving here.” She blurts out.

“Elaborate, please?” Jennie raises her eyebrow, a little surprised from the new information that Jisoo decides to drop on her like some sort of bomb.

“I didn’t mean _here_ , here. I meant the US. I’m thinking of moving here. Temporarily.”

“And you couldn’t have said that without flying here?” She asks, a little more suspiciously this time, because although Kim Jisoo has a tendency and track record to be spontaneous and chase people across the world or kiss them in airports, she’s not impulsive enough to get very expensive tickets and complicated visa business just to go to Jennie’s apartment without a proper reason. “Are you okay?”

“I’m…” She pauses and exhales through her mouth. It’s dramatic, and Jennie still isn’t ruling out the possibility that this is a painstakingly vivid hallucination her brain is manufacturing. “It’s none of your business.”

“You made it my business when you decided to come into my apartment unannounced.”

“When did that become a problem?”

“It isn’t, but it becomes one when you literally fly halfway through the globe.” Jennie takes a breather and sits down beside Jisoo on the couch. “So, I’m going to ask again. Are you okay?”

“I broke up with Jin.” The retired sigh Jisoo lets out and the stricken look on her face makes Jennie want to stop her inquisition, but she isn’t sure she can. She’d been peaceful with the idea that they’re now both in happy relationships and that there’s no longer something tying them together, and Jisoo decides to break that idea by unceremoniously showing up on her front door, which makes her a little mad.

“If you have to move countries to run away from your ex-boyfriend it raises some _very_ serious red flags—”

“I’m not running away from him.” She says lightly. “I’m running away from the media. At least until it dies down.”

“Oh,” Jennie replies, suddenly feeling stupid. She knows how ridiculous it could get – one minute one of them could be innocently walking down the street and the next they could be mobbed by crazy paparazzi and reporters that have questionable understanding of the terms privacy and respect. “Did you end on a bad note?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. We just… realized we were better off being friends. And I’m sure the headlines are going to come out soon and I don’t want to be there once it happens.”

Jennie looks at her worriedly. “You could just stay here, you know? Maybe a month or two, until you feel comfortable to go back there.” The words come out of her mouth before her brain can even process what she’s saying. Once it’s out, it’s out, and the moment Jennie realizes what she’s done she panics inwardly in a loop of _I am an idiot, I am an idiot, what kind of idiot invites their ex to move in with them, oh god_ and in an attempt to cover it she puts on a nervous smile that she hopes doesn’t come across as anything other than genuine.

“I couldn’t possibly ask that of you. It’s not right. I can just find a place for my own.”

And Jennie could just let her be. She could just say okay, let Jisoo go on her way and find a half-decent apartment somewhere to hide out in. Jisoo is an independent woman--she’s old enough to make her own decisions and she’s surely old enough to handle apartment hunting. But Jennie’s mouth betrays her in unprecedented ways and tries to convince her once again to move in, even just for a while. “Looking for a place here is unlike back home. It’s literally hell. It took me three weeks to find this one. And everything is expensive. Trust me when I say that this is your best option. And you’re not asking, I’m offering.”

*

Jennie cannot name a bigger disaster.

She truly can’t. Some might say that there are literal tornadoes and typhoons wrecking up a whole other level of havoc and destroying cities, but Jennie in her own stupid mess of a bubble thinks that _this_ , right here, is the worst thing that has ever happened to her. ‘ _This_ ’ being Jisoo in an oversized ratty shirt Jennie vaguely remembers wearing once or twice a long time ago, eating grapes in front of the TV watching a stupid game show. Jennie’s by the corner against the windows, her legs folded up against her as she sits on the carpeted floor with reading materials in front of her. She’s studying up for her finals that’s due in another week, and she can’t focus on anything other than the sounds from the tv blended with Jisoo’s occasional laugh, soft and unadulterated. She’s not being loud, and neither is the tv – it’s just white noise from Jennie’s position, but it distracts her for a particular reason she doesn’t want to think of.

She hasn’t gone on a date with Charlie since Jisoo went knocking on her door, but that’s justified, she thinks, because how is she supposed to explain to her current girlfriend that her ex-girlfriend is currently living with her, seeking solace from breaking up with her ex-boyfriend? It brings up a whole other situation she really does not want on her hands. Lucas has been made aware of this, and he doesn’t do anything but laugh when Jennie calls her one night and tells him of all the stupid things that happened to her because of her own inability to _not_ care.

But it is just that – care. She’s just _caring_ for Jisoo. There are no underlying feelings, nothing to dig up, because she is just concerned for the person she once thought would be in her life forever, and that is completely normal. If Jennie were to show up on Jisoo’s door instead, Jisoo would do the same for her (at least she likes to think so). And rent is _expensive_ , and if Jisoo isn’t looking for anything long-term, it would just be unnecessary expense. It’s an economical gain.

She looks at her notes again, rereading the paragraph she’s been going over for hours now.

Just when she thought that everything was finally going her way, something had to ruin it.

Over the next few days, it becomes normal for Jennie to wake up to Jisoo fixing up her bed-slash-couch (Jennie had offered to buy a mattress, but Jisoo insists not to bother because the couch is comfortable, and she agrees) in the morning and making breakfast for the both of them. Jennie’s classes don’t start very early, all her classes start from 10 in the morning onwards aside from Tuesday hell with her 7 am lectures on market trends.

Instead of thinking about the situation she dug herself in, she focuses instead on her studies. She still exchanges texts with Charlie at the dead of night, and cancelling plans makes her feel something bitter at the back of her mouth. She blames her lack of time over her final exams, which Charlie seems to buy.

One night, when Jennie’s deep into her flashcards memorizing terminologies and their respective definitions, Jisoo sits beside her on the floor.

“Need some help?” She asks. “I remember when I went to film school and had to memorize so much jargon I had a person who quizzed me using the flashcards. It really helped.”

Jennie looks up, fumbling with the cards. If it had been Lucas that was with her right now, she would’ve done it five hours ago and ordered him to do it. But it isn’t Lucas, it’s Jisoo, and her presence makes Jennie’s concentration a little hazy. “I don’t, uhm, I don’t want to bother you.”

Jisoo scoffs. “Are you kidding me? I haven’t been doing anything much, intellectual-wise. I can live vicariously through you.”

“Hmm.” Jennie looks at her suspiciously.

“I promise. It’ll be a good way for me to spend my time. And it’s the least I can do for crashing.”

“Okay.”

*

It takes another few days before the initial awkwardness wears off and she now officially thinks of Jisoo as her roommate. She doesn’t pay any rent, sure, and although she insisted to pay for a _lot_ , Jennie doesn’t make her, but after an elaborate discussion on splitting the bill they settle on Jennie paying the rent and Jisoo paying for groceries and electricity.

Jennie doesn’t feel weird anymore when Jisoo’s in less than appropriate clothing (braless, shirtless with a bra on, shirt with only underwear on, _name_ it, Jennie didn’t think Jisoo would be that comfortable in a week) roaming around the apartment. It’s still a little strange, a sentiment that Lucas likes to reinforce through text messages every now and then, but Jennie’s getting used to it. She’s getting used to grabbing dinner with Jisoo at the diner near them, having Chinese take-out every now and then, watching movies whenever takes from studying for her finals.

They’re in halfway through a movie directed by one of Jisoo’s favorites (Yorgos– Jennie couldn’t forget the name from the amount of times Jisoo’s uttered his name for every shot there is) when she breaks their concentration from the film. “Are you weirded out by all of this?”

Jennie looks at her, face partly illuminated by the screen. “What do you mean?”

“You know,” she trails off and gestures to herself. “Me, being here. I’m sure you’re a little on the fence about it.”

“I _was_.” She admits. “I still am, to be honest. But only a little. A _little_ weirded out. But, you know—it’s only weird if we make it weird.”

“I’m really sorry I ambushed you.”

Jennie looks Jisoo in the eye for a few silent moments, pursing her lips, then turning back on the screen in front of them. “You would’ve done the same for me.”

“I would have.” She sighs. “You know, if this happened a few years back I would have stayed there – I wouldn’t have cared for the paparazzi. I mean, it would be _bad_ to have people follow me around everywhere, but it wouldn’t have mattered much. But I’m older now and it’s been years since I’ve had cameras following me around everywhere, and I don’t think that’s something I’d want to happen to me again.”

“I understand,” She pauses. “Are you okay though? From the breakup, I mean.” It seems that she’s asked the question for the billionth time since Jisoo’s first night.

“I am. I really am. And it wasn’t… really much to be hurt over. He’s perfect and kind and every girl’s dream boy, _literally_ ,” Jisoo lets out a brief laugh that eases quickly. “Roses and dinner dates, the whole arrangement. Then one day I just felt like I was leading him on. So we broke up instead of dragging it out longer than it should be.”

Jennie nods empathetically. “Was he upset about it?”

“A little.”

“Hm, breaking up with _you_ ,” She emphasizes, chuckling. “Of course he would be upset about it.”

Jisoo scoffs at the statement.

Their conversation comes to a standstill, and Jennie pretends to be invested in the movie as Jisoo seems to be. The protagonist changes the way he acts in order to match with a woman he doesn’t like so that he won’t turn into a lobster. It’s a little macabre, and Jennie knows nothing about cinema, at least not enough to understand why Jisoo likes it so much.

“How’s your appendix?” Jisoo breaks the silence once again.

“Still not in my body.” She quips. “In a medical waste bin somewhere, rotting.”

“Shame. You could have sold it on ebay.”

“I could’ve made it a bidding item.”

“You could’ve made millions by now. Jennie Kim’s appendix for the small, _small_ price of a million dollars. Come and claim a girl’s insides.”

Jennie laughs. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“I do.” She says a little proudly. “Ridiculous _and_ hilarious. My two best traits.”

“Might be.” Jennie says quietly, a small smile playing at her lips. “Although I _would_ argue that your amazing ability at giving back rubs beats ridiculous.”

“How is that one of my best traits?” Jisoo almost looks offended.

“My memory is a little foggy on it, though. Would you mind refreshing?”

“ _No_.”

Jennie hums and scoots a little closer to her. “Wanted to see if my tricks still worked on you.”

“No longer dumb and whipped, thank you.”

“Damn it.” She humors. “And here I thought I’d get a free massage.”

Jisoo shakes her head in amusement. “Weren’t we supposed to watch the movie?”

“We _were_ , until you brought up selling my severed body part.”

“It’s a brilliant plan.”

“It is.”

*

“I have to say, Jennie, I’m really impressed.” Jisoo commends her as Jennie sautés her batch of stir fry.

“I _told_ you I was good at this.” She says proudly, turning up the heat on the stove.

“I’m really impressed with your ability to somehow burn onions.”

Jennie frowns and turns the heat to low, inspecting her dish. She turns to Jisoo with a quizzical look. “They’re _caramelized_.”

“Jennie, they are burnt.”

“Caramelized.”

“Burnt.”

“ _Caramelized_.”

“Do you want to test that theory?” Jisoo raises an eyebrow.

“In fact, I do.” Jennie returns to the pan and fishes out a ring of onion that’s sticking out from the sides, careful not to burn her fingers. She puts it into her mouth. “It’s…” she grimaces at the bitter taste and spits it out unto her her hand. “Burnt. It’s burnt. _Ew_ , Jisoo get rid of it. Now.”

“See, this is why Sunyoung doesn’t trust you with her kitchen.”

*

Jisoo is sitting on the kitchen counter, all bare legs and oversized shirt, with her earphones on as she suckles on a spoonful of peanut butter, finishing the jar that had been sitting on Jennie’s fridge that’s dangerously close on its expiration date. Jennie’s not really a fan of it, only bought it because of Lucas’ insistence on having the staple pantry ingredients, and she’s never used it apart from times when she would be starving at the dead of night and she happens to have some bread left over.

“Why does the peanut butter here taste different?” Jisoo asks when Jennie grabs a glass of water to drink.

Jennie hums in response. “How?”

“Well, for starters, they’re thicker somehow? I don’t know how to explain it… they’re less _oily_ , I guess, but they’re also, like, really hard to spread over bread.” Jisoo rambles on, bobbing her head to her music. “Also sweeter. Delicious, though. I’d bring one home.”

“Interesting take on…” Jennie pauses, watches Jisoo scrape the leftover peanut butter stuck to the sides of its container, and purses her lips to stop the smile that’s already starting to form. “Peanut butter.”

“Oh, _very_. I might write an exposé on it.”

“Good luck on that.”

Jisoo takes her earphones off, setting them beside her. “How’s studying going?”

She sighs. “ _Tiring_. I’m taking a short break.”

“I think I could help you with your break.” Jisoo smiles. “How would you feel about taking me to fifth avenue?”

Jennie snorts. “Oh, _no_ , I’m not playing tour guide with you today. I have things to do, Jisoo, things that _don’t_ include maxing out my credit card.”

“We don’t even have to shop.” She points out, pouting. Jennie laughs at this.

“Going to fifth avenue without buying anything?”

“Yes.”

“You do know who you’re talking to, right?” She’s incredulous as she raises an eyebrow, as if to remind Jisoo that’s she’s _Jennie_ , and that once she falls in love with a Chanel jacket, that’s already $2000 down the drain (and going to one of the biggest capitalistic companies in the world, Jennie still has a little bit of consumer guilt over that).

“ _Jennie_.”

“No,” She replies firmly, ignoring the way Jisoo’s mouth forms into a pout. “If you think I’m going to fall for that, you’re wrong.”

Jisoo’s pout turns into a frown. She rolls her eyes. “You’re no fun.”

“I’m being practical.”

“You’re being _boring_.”

“I’ll take that.” She shrugs. “ _But_ …”

“But?” Jisoo lights up.

“I could bring you to central park instead?”

Jisoo grins. “I take it back—you’re no longer boring.” She hops off the counter. “Now go shower.”

“Why do I have to go first?”

She shrugs, and pats Jennie on her side. “You’re starting to smell. And you take an eternity to get ready. Now go.”

*

“This is the mall.” Jennie gestures to the trees surrounding them as they walk through the path, air crisp and clean. She looks at Jisoo who’s smiling and taking pictures.

“You were a bad tour guide the last time I came here.” Jisoo points out before excitedly running off to a bench where a squirrel was, but hurriedly scrambled when she got too close. Jennie laughs at her when she turns back with a dejected look. “ _Don’t_.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Jennie holds her hand up and they start walking again. The park has a decent amount of people scattered all around – mostly teenagers with nothing to do as schools start to end the final semester. Jennie hasn’t been in central park in so long. She’s been planning on having a field day just to roam around aimlessly, but it never happened.

“I’ve always thought movies added some post-production special effects to this place whenever it was in the shot.” Jisoo hums and looks around. “It’s so pretty.”

Jennie trails off, staring at her. “It is.”

“Why do they call it _the mall_?”

She shrugs. “No idea.”

Their conversation goes into a lull as they walk side by side. The first time Jennie was here, she was with Lucas, and they were on a date. It had been such a long time that she doesn’t even remember where to go to next. She remembers that day being so pleasant, being so calm, that it became one of her favorite memories of him.

Jennie wonders if this will be one of her favorite memories with Jisoo.

But before she can entertain the idea, there’s a guilty voice on the back of her head, reminding her that _this_ —this isn’t a date, and that she has another girl waiting for a text message. That she has Charlie—kind, compassionate, annoyingly beautiful—Charlie, and that she should be the one that Jennie’s strolling with on central park. The thought lingers around long enough for Jisoo to notice, so she snaps Jennie out of her trance with a rather painful pinch on her forearm.

“ _Ow_.”

“You looked a little lost in your own thoughts.”

Jennie glares at her and soothes the affected skin by rubbing at it gently. “You could’ve done with a simple call out.”

“Yes, but that wouldn’t be fun.” Jisoo shrugs with a mischievous smile on her face.

They walk around the park some more, with Jisoo looking more and more exhilarated as they go to the more exciting parts of the place. Jennie thinks she’s taken about a thousand photos of her. _Oooh, take a picture of this_ , Jisoo would say eagerly, and Jennie would counter with blasé comments like _Jisoo, that is a plant_ , and Jisoo would glare at her and do it on her own. Jennie forgot how much childlike glee Jisoo has, and it’s easy to forget the time they spent apart when Jisoo is lapping away at her ice cream enthusiastically as she drags Jennie to the nearest hotdog stand and thrusts the unfinished cone at her hands and buys a hotdog. Jennie ignores the way that the ice cream is dripping onto her hand, sticky and uncomfortable, and instead focuses on Jisoo’s insistence on having a selfie with her first official New York hotdog with excessive mustard splattered on top.

“This is _so_ good.” Jisoo mumbles through her bite. Jennie grimaces.

“So much for no talking while eating.”

“That only applies to table manners. _I_ am enjoying a hotdog. On the park. Let me be, scrooge.” She flicks Jennie’s forehead lightly, an action that Jennie gasps at.

“ _Hey!_ ” She uses her _not_ sticky, clean hand to push Jisoo lightly.

Jisoo just laughs and continues to enjoy her food. “This is really good. You’re missing out.”

“No thank you.”

“Suite yourself.”

“I will.” She says stubbornly.

After a few hours of walking, they’re finally tired enough that they retire under the shade of a huge oak tree overlooking an empty space of land. Jisoo sighs contentedly every now and then, her eyes closed. Jennie does the same.

“I love it here.” Jisoo says, her eyes closed as she fiddles with the grass underneath them. “If I lived in the city, I would just go here every weekend. How come you didn’t take me here sooner?”

“Busy.” Jennie mumbles. “And I don’t go here much. I think the last time I went was a year ago.”

“Lame.”

She opens her eyes and sees that Jisoo has moved a little, situating herself in a spot where the sun touches her skin. She’s glowing in the daylight, skin bright against the green grass, squinting at the open space in front of them. Jennie’s positive she’s never seen a prettier sight.

“See, when you’re staring at me like that, I can’t help but feel like you’re thinking of several ways to murder me.” Jisoo remarks amusedly, dragging Jennie out of her thoughts. A blush flames on her cheeks. “Why were you staring at me?”

Jennie scoffs at the question (even though she knows the real answer). “It’s bad to stare now?”

“ _No_ …” she trails off. “But when you stare at me like that— _ha_ , exactly like that! When you stare at me like that, I feel like you’re silently judging me.”

She immediately gets transported back to her early days as a trainee, nervous and sweaty every time she enters the studio to practice with equally talented and pretty girls, hoping she’d be one of the lucky ones that’ll make it through debut. Every day, for weeks on end, she would find herself just… _staring_ at the girl named Jisoo who had her own clique of friends.

“You _know_ I just have that stare.”

“I do.” She shrugs. “But I also know what you look like when you’re thinking of something. So, tell me.”

Jennie, against her better judgment, replies, “You’re pretty.” She answers, honestly, because it doesn’t really matter anymore – none of it does. Jisoo will be back to her own life anytime soon, and anything that she says won’t matter. “You’re so pretty that sometimes it’s physically painful to be around you.”

Jisoo’s body becomes stiff, retracting from the lightly damp grass that she’s lying on, and sits up facing Jennie. “If this is your way of, like, _groveling_ , to make me want to do you a favor—”

“Shut up and take the compliment.”

“Grumpy.” Jisoo says under her breath, intentionally loud enough for Jennie to hear and react at.

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

“What are you thinking of?” Jennie inquires, curious. “I _also_ know what you look like when you’re thinking of something.”

“I’m not.”

“Liar.”

“I came out to my mom.” She answers abruptly, making Jennie stop pulling out the weeds beside her.

“Oh,” She replies, feeling stupid. “How did she take it?”

Jisoo sighs, broken and heavy as her chest deflates. “Not… well.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” She waves her off, voice nonchalant. Jennie knows when she’s faking or not. “I didn’t _need_ to come out, but I did anyway, and now… I think she hates me.”

“We can talk about it.”

“I’d rather not.” Jisoo laughs—it decrescendos quickly.

As much as Jennie wants to press, because she knows that hiding feelings and pretending to be okay are Jisoo’s fatal flaws, she doesn’t, because it’s not her place anymore. So she says, “Then we won’t.”

Jennie’s nearing final exams, but deadlines don’t cross her mind at all for the entire day. After their hour-long break from walking, they stroll around the park some more until she’s positive they’ve seen every single thing there is to see in central park. When they circle around and realize they’ve already gone through everything, Jisoo proposes that they have an early dinner.

It’s only a little past five in the afternoon. The sky is turning into a nice shade of orange as they maneuver through the busy streets, navigating along with Jennie’s location on her google maps. She has absolutely no idea where she’s going. She’s eaten in a few restaurants within the neighborhood, remembers having lunches with some of her acquaintances in the fashion industry somewhere around here, but has no recollection on what the restaurants’ names are or what they look like—except for the one where Lucas brought her to, and it remains one of her favorite.

It’s a humble diner by the side of the road, not at all special at first glance. But the inside is beautiful and quaint in a way that 70s movies are. Jennie remembers it being completely packed on hours past six pm, and that’s worked out well for them so far because when they enter the diner, there’s only a few people scattered around. They slide into a booth, immediately scanning the menu. Jisoo orders pretty much the greasiest, meatiest thing on the menu accompanied by a milkshake and a slice of cheesecake, which Jennie grimaces at.

“What?” Jisoo asks once the waiter leaves them with their order.

“I just forgot about how much you like junk food.” She shrugs.

“I have better taste than you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Who orders a _salad_ at a diner? People that don’t respect cuisine, that’s who.” Jisoo counters and sips on a glass of water. “I’m going to rat you out to Sunyoung.”

Jennie narrows her eyes at her. “You wouldn’t.”

“Might not if you and I split the cheesecake.” She offers, a smile playing on her lips.

“Fine.”

Dinner runs smoothly. Kim Jisoo still has her overflowing charm and humor that makes Jennie burst out into a guttural laugh every few minutes. In this moment, they are friends having a nice time in an unfamiliar neighborhood, laughing at stupid jokes in a language that the other people in the room don’t understand. Although the room is packed with people and the tables and booths are close together, it feels more intimate than their previous lunch last year. True to Jisoo’s predictions, Jennie ends up enjoying the cheesecake more than she’d want to admit.

(“You liked, it didn’t you?”

“No…”

“Liar!”

“Ugh, you can’t be right when I’m wrong, it doesn’t work that way.”)

“I think I like it here more than Tokyo.” Jisoo comments after their meal, when they step out into the cold air outside the diner, ready to go home. A stranger bumps into her in a rush, causing her to lose her moment, and Jennie laughs at her.

“You were saying?”

“I take it back. It’s almost as good as Tokyo.” She rolls her eyes.

When the night ends and Jennie finally resigns to her own bed, she calls out a _good night_ to Jisoo who’s lying on the couch. _Sweet dreams_ , Jisoo calls back.

*

Jennie’s studying.

She’s running through her notes, highlighting important parts on her printed materials, when her bathroom door opens and reveals a half-naked Jisoo wrapped in a towel. It’s a poor excuse for a towel, because it stops _just_ enough below her waist, and Jennie reminds herself to buy better toiletries just in case somebody she’s attracted to stays over.

Jisoo’s unaware of this, and she walks to the corner of the living room where her clothes are, still neatly folded and tucked on the suitcase she brought with her. She’s humming something, something Jennie vaguely recognizes as a Girls’ Generation song. When Jisoo catches her eye, she guiltily looks back down at her notes and pretends that she’s _not_ looking. At all.

Her concentration is broken now, her hands sweaty and her breathing shallow.

Getting caught staring at her half-naked ex is _not_ a good look for her.

She tries to erase the image off of her head – smooth skin and long legs – and tries to pull her focus back down to her notes. _Exams, Jennie. You have exams._

“Are you busy?” She looks up to see that Jisoo’s dressed now. She’s still dressed a little too inappropriately for Jennie, as she’s only wearing very short shorts accompanied by a tank top. It adds more to help her vivid imagination.

Jennie wants to say a smart remark, like _you do see how many review materials I have on my table, right,_ but her mouth betrays her, and says, “Not really.”

Jisoo hums in acknowledgement and makes her way closer to her, moving Jennie’s books a little bit to the side so she could sit down on the table. “Can’t study?”

She looks at the light material of the tank top before moving her eyes up guiltily. “No.”

“You know… I know a good way to relax.” She says in a low voice, uncharacteristically flirtatious and her eyes gleam in a way that makes Jennie’s skin feel like it’s on fire. “I saw you looking at me earlier.”

Jennie clears her throat to break up the atmosphere for a short moment, taking her time to breathe in. She’s still confused, a little light-headed, and Jisoo smells like cinnamon when she moves a little closer, then a little more, then close enough that Jennie feels her breath tickling on her neck. She can’t breathe.

“I know you still want me,” she continues, now whispering into Jennie’s ear and Jennie has to grip the arms of the chair before she lets out a shaky exhale.

“Jisoo—” Her voice is a little higher than usual, inelegant in a way that is juxtaposed to Jisoo’s sultriness.

“Well, do you?”

“I do.” She chokes on her words.

“Good,” Jisoo whispers, and instantly she sits down on Jennie’s lap, closing the gap between them. There are fingers and there’s bare skin sitting atop Jennie’s own, and there are lips kissing all over her neck.

“ _Jisoo_ ,” She lets out a frustrated groan when Jisoo hums against her skin, and her own fingers tread Jisoo’s exposed skin where her top has ridden up. “Fuck—”

But before she can take manners into her own hands, before she can strip Jisoo off her neck and finally put her lips where she wants them to be, the familiar ringing of her phone begins to resonate, and she wakes up in a pool of her own sweat under her covers.

_Fuck._

*

Jennie feels dirty.

It’s a Saturday and she had already showered for the second time for the day, and she feels _dirty_.

After her sex dream this morning, she’d taken it upon herself to take a moderately cold shower. She’s not masochistic enough to douse herself in freezing temperatures, but she feels filthy and turned on enough that she thinks she needs a good cold shower to take everything – _all_ of it – off her mind. The first one doesn’t work, because when she steps out of the shower Kim Jisoo is sitting on the table and it brings back very vivid parts of her dreams, so she steps back into the bathroom and drenches herself in the same water all over again.

“What are you working on?” Jisoo asks her when she’s typing on her laptop, putting her hand on her back and leaning into Jennie. She jumps at the contact, clearing her throat.

“Just my paper.”

“Cool,” She answers, and looks at Jennie suspiciously. “Are you okay?”

“Ye— _yes_ , why wouldn’t I be?”

“Just checking.”

 _None_ of it is okay.

After her stay in Seoul last year for the holidays, the thought that her and Jisoo would ever reconnect again was already gone, branded as _never to be_ , and that they’re just going to be the type of people who would drive each at other at ungodly hours of the night to the hospital. Just as she thought she was finally moving on, finally getting comfortable with the idea that she might find her happy ending with another person (exhibit A: Charlie, who’s about a few cancelled dates away from breaking up with Jennie), Jisoo decides to uproot her life from home and practically move in with Jennie, making her see her face and talk to her every day.

Jennie’s thinking of her finals and her ex and her current romantic partner and all of it messes with her head. She tries to think of it from Charlie’s perspective, what _she_ would feel if Charlie was harboring her ex-girlfriend in her apartment and thinks it would be best if they broke up. Jennie _knows_ this doesn’t mean anything for her and Jisoo, because a few weeks from now, when her visa expires she’s bound to go back home anyway, and she will be alone, sans Jisoo _and_ sans Charlie, but that’s okay – she’s not going to lead Charlie on because it would be convenient for her.

She calls Lucas after her exchange with Jisoo, stepping out into the fire exit to ask him about it. He’s supportive and kind in a way that he’s always been, but doesn’t fail to remind Jennie of how much of her progress is going to be lost. _I know_ , she had replied, defeated. She decides, then, that the only way to do any of it was to break up with Charlie after her exams.

*

Her finals span out in three days, and on those three days she barely gets any sleep. She makes sure to have fully reviewed each key point in every module, going over it a few million times. By the end of finals, she’s sighing contentedly as she takes off her heeled boots and sinking into her couch, simultaneously happy at the fact that she doesn’t have to stare at her notes anymore, and dreadful of what she’s about to do with Charlie.

Jisoo’s nowhere to be found, and she assumes she’s probably off somewhere in the neighborhood looking for something to eat, because she is one for celebrating. Jennie closes her eyes, letting herself rest for what feels like years of studying. She can already feel herself falling asleep when her doorbell goes off. She doesn’t get up from the couch and instead covers her ears with her hands, paying no attention to the ringing and knocking at the door.

It seems as if her _ignore them long enough and they’ll go away_ plan doesn’t work, so she sighs and forces herself off the couch. “I’m coming!” She calls out.

“You better have good reason—” Jennie starts to go off, unaware of who the person in front of her is as her brain is still a little foggy. _Damn it_.

“Surprise!” Charlie greets, a wide smile taking over her face as she holds up two plastic bags full of produce. “I’m cooking you a meal. A celebratory congrats on your finals.”

“Oh wow,” Jennie says, eyes widening and words mumbled. “Um, come in.”

This is _bad_. Devastatingly bad.

In any given minute Jisoo is going to walk into those doors and she has to explain to Charlie why her ex-girlfriend is here – or _not_. After all, Jennie had been planning to break up with her, and she _could_ , this is the _prime_ moment when she could just say, _hey, I’m an ass for doing this, but I realized I wasn’t fully over somebody yet, and I think this isn’t going to work_ , but Charlie is already heading to the kitchen and preparing her ingredients and Jennie finds herself frozen on the spot, her thoughts and her lips uncoordinated.

Jennie, deep into her inner turmoil about the dilemma she caused to herself, forces easy smiles and laughs when Charlie starts to set up her ingredients on the counter. “I make a mean 3-course dinner, you know.” Charlie says and starts chopping up some vegetables. “My mom owns a soul restaurant in Georgia. And since you cooked me something from home, I figured I’d do the same.”

She laughs nervously in response. “Uh, yeah…”

_Break up with her._

Their conversation shifts to how Jennie’s finals went, and she answers normally to pretend that everything was fine, but it is _not_ fine, because every minute that passes is a minute closer to Jisoo coming back. A few more minutes later, when the air starts smelling like sweated onions and garlic, her front door opens to reveal Jisoo with a box in her hand.

“Congratu—” Before Jisoo can even finish her cheery greetings, she’s met with the view of Charlie feeding Jennie a slice of raw carrot. Jennie freezes. “Oh.”

The air around them thickens, or maybe that’s just Jennie, so she clears her throat. “Hey, uh, Charlie. That’s Jisoo. She’s a friend. I kind of… forgot to mention that she was staying here for a while.” She turns to Jisoo who’s setting down the box on the counter near them. “And Jisoo, this is Charlie. She’s my—um, she’s my girlfriend.” Her words are muddled and rushed, characterized by the nerves settling in her shaky hands.

“Hi. You’re one of the girls from the group, yeah? Blackpink?” Charlie asks, smile wide and warm as she wipes her hand off on the apron and reaches for a handshake that Jisoo accepts.

“Yes. I am.”

“I maybe, kind of, cyber-stalked Jennie here for a little while.” She quips and goes back to cooking. “You’re very pretty. I am surrounded with kpop royalty.”

This elicits a small laugh from Jisoo whose cheeks have suddenly turned red. Jennie takes note of it, because Charlie has that special effect on people. “Thank you. You’re very pretty too.” She pauses. “Jennie never mentioned dating anybody.”

Charlie stops and turns to Jennie, eyes widening a little. “Oh no. Did I—”

Jennie can sense the genuine dread in her eyes and stops her before she can jump to the assumption she knows that’s probably forming in her brain. “No, no,” She lets out a nervous chuckle. “I’m already out to my friends. I just haven’t told them much.”

She chances a glance at Jisoo who purses her lips and tucks her hair behind her ear. “I, uh, forgot I have some errands to run. I’ll be back later.”

Before Jennie can stop her, she’s already on her way out.

*

Jennie’s already having dinner, a very delicious dinner in courtesy of the very pretty woman who also happens to be her very pretty girlfriend (who she also wants desperately to break up with but can’t find the words to), when she starts being worried of Jisoo. It’s a quarter past six on her phone, and there’s no text message to be seen or indication that she’s fine.

“Are you okay?” Charlie asks her, worry seeping into her tone. She touches Jennie’s hand lightly.

“Just a little worried.” She confesses. “I mean, it’s late. And Jisoo’s still out there.”

“You live in a very nice neighborhood. You have nothing to worry about.” She consoles and goes back to the food in front of them. “And besides, she looks like she can take care of herself.”

“I guess.”

“Don’t worry. She’ll be back before you know it.”

They continue their dinner and talk about lighter topics – the newest model signing up for Charlie’s fitness plan, their itineraries for the summer amongst other stuff. The red wine takes Jennie’s mind off of things, makes her feel a little lighter and her shoulders looser. Charlie leaves a couple of hours later with a hint of disappointment that she’s not spending the night over. Jennie apologizes for it.

“It’s really cold outside.” Jisoo declares a few hours later when she’s finally home, visibly shuddering. “And I met your neighbor who I recognize from the Avengers. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you’re neighbors with—”

“Where the hell have you been?” Jennie asks pointedly, hands on her hips. “I left you, like, _ten_ messages. Returning at least one of them would’ve been nice.”

“My battery died.” She replies carefully, holding up her unresponsive phone. “I was just exploring, Jennie. Don’t be so wound up about it.”

“You disappeared for hours without any updates of your whereabouts. Of _course_ I’m wound up. I’m _really_ wound up.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, but I’m not the one dropping girlfriend bombs in front of the other.” Jisoo accuses, voice suddenly becoming snappy in an uncharacteristic way.

“She was the one who came here. I didn’t tell her to.”

“Maybe she wouldn’t have come in the first place if you’d told her that you’re not alone in your place.”

“I couldn’t exactly tell her about _this_.”

“Like you couldn’t me that you were dating somebody?”

Jennie pauses, calming herself down, but it doesn’t stop her from snapping. “What does that have to do with _anything_?”

“ _Everything_ , Jennie.” Jisoo snarls. “Maybe if you’d stopped being so dense, maybe if you stopped thinking about yourself and actually look at what’s around you maybe you’d realize that I didn’t come here to hide out, I came here for _you_.”

“What?”

“News flash, Jennie, I broke up with a guy from home and _lived_ with you, cooking for you and helping you with chores and studying because I wanted to see if we could still work. I _thought_ you’d see it.”

“I don’t…” Jennie breathes. “I don’t understand.”

Jisoo sighs. “I don’t either.” There’s a long pause before she grabs her ready suitcase by the corner. “I’m going to stay at a hotel for a while. Talk to me when you’re ready.”

“Jisoo…” Jennie treads across the living room. “Don’t leave. You don’t have to. It’s late. We can… talk tomorrow.”

Jisoo holds her hand up. “Don’t bother.”

“I don’t…”

“Think about it.”

And just like that, she’s gone.

When she opens the box that Jisoo had left a little while ago, she sees that it’s a classic cheesecake with blueberries arranged on top, spelling out _Congrats!_

The night settles in as quick as the red wine does in Jennie’s bloodstream. Jennie ends up with an acute sense of déjà vu, her bottle half empty as she stares outside her window, knees curled into her chest, but this time she’s no longer studying with her flashcards and Jisoo’s no longer laughing along to an episode of Family Feud. This time, she is demonstrably sad and alone, engrossed over the cat on the balcony on the other side of the street.

There’s no amount of sighing that makes her reach a decision, no amount of pondering over _what_ just happened, because frankly—she feels like all of it is an elaborate prank on her.

She’s being pushed and pushed, over and over, by some sort of imperceptible omniscient being that makes her want to crawl out of her own skin. For the first time in years, she was peaceful with the idea that some things aren’t meant to be. She was peaceful with the idea that sometimes what she wanted wasn’t the best for her. She was peaceful with the idea that her and Jisoo are never going to happen again. But now the peace, the idea, both have disappeared.

Jennie has a huge amount of experience with it – heartbreak, the all-consuming experience of not being able to breathe from the anxiety of separation. What she doesn’t have an experience with is being presented with it: the idea of getting back together with Jisoo, so easily, like two compatible puzzle pieces put aside each other. It’s _exhausting_ and all she wants to do it curl into her sheets and close her eyes. But she doesn’t. Instead, she chooses to watch the sun rise through her windows, mindless, quaint.

Once she is tired enough and the wine is a few hours old in her glass, untouched and stale, she goes to sleep.

“You know, the only thing standing between you and happiness is yourself.” Lucas tells her one afternoon, a few days after her confrontation with Jisoo. They’re in a coffee shop, sipping on their favorite guilty pleasures (a mocha cappuccino with extra whipped cream for Jennie, and a matcha shake for Lucas) as they discuss the intricacies of Jennie and Jisoo’s relationship.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” He points out. “See, while you were moping around your apartment, you could have been making out with your cute Korean girlfriend. _You_ are your biggest enemy.”

“I’m wanted to break up with Charlie.”

“And yet you haven’t.”

“I couldn’t.” Jennie sighs. “She’s been nothing but good to me.”

“Jennie, not every breakup has to end in tears. Knowing Charlie, she’s going to hug and thank you for the truth.”

“This is bullshit.”

Lucas rolls his eyes. “Why are you making this so difficult? It shouldn’t be.”

“But it _is_.”

“And why is that?”

“The last time I thought we were getting back together she broke my heart.” Jennie admits, finally, letting herself think back a few days before Lisa’s wedding, and how Jisoo left her alone after that night. “And _she_ was the one who kept saying that we were done! _She_ was the one that told me we met again for a closure. _She_ was the one that _asked_ for a closure.”

“People change, you know.”

“I _do_ know.” She takes a particularly big gulp of the cappuccino. “But I don’t trust her.”

“Then tell her that.”

“That I don’t trust her?”

“Tell her that she’s done things to make you doubt her intentions. Tell her that you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared.” She scoffs.

“You spent our time here talking about how much she broke your heart.” Lucas points out. “You’re scared. And maybe if you admit that, we wouldn’t be going around and around this conversation.”

Jennie glares at him. “Shut up.”

*

 **FROM:** Jennie Kim <jennierubyjanekim@gmail.com>

 **TO:** Jisoo Kim <kimjisoo@gmail.com>

 **DATE:** Thu, June 2, 2027 at 11:52 AM

 **SUBJECT:** Read this

_You said I should think about it. And I have. Still am._

_It’s been a week and I’m losing my mind a little over what to do, because the answer is so easy. You’ve always been…_ you _. You’ve always been Kim Jisoo, light of my life, and no matter how much the world hated me you were there. No matter how much I hated myself you made sure that you were always going to be there for me._

_But I am still … unsure. I’m stubborn and I have things to do around here. I need more time to think._

_We should have dinner. To talk about it._

_Would love to take you out in the city._

*

Jennie has always been very romantic.

During her relationship with Jisoo, she would take her out to private dinners on rooftops where nobody else would see them, on a bed of fruits and wine and cheese and the very cheap chicken nuggets that Jisoo enjoys more than anything. Jisoo would drag her out of bed at 2 AMs if she couldn’t sleep, and they’d walk through the streets together sharing music, an earbud each.

However, she hasn’t been very much romantic over the past few years.

She’s been in dates, a _lot_ of dates, but they were mostly with men and all she had to do was sit down and let them do the romancing. There was Charlie, and as much as she really liked her, there was only so much she can do in a short-lived relationship that she broke after her conversation with Lucas (which inconveniently made her look for a new gym). Jennie has forgotten the very fundamentals of a dinner date.

She’s booked for an expensive restaurant, _sure_ , she’s also bought a very expensive dress she’s sure she’s only going to wear once or twice to go along with it, and she’s even _driving_ for the night. It’s not even hers– it’s Lucas’ vintage Cadillac convertible. Jennie had used her one favor per year to borrow his favorite car, which he eventually reluctantly agreed to.

So—expensive dinner, _check_ , sexy dress, _check_ , very fancy ride, _check_.

She feels like she’s missing something.

That something makes itself known when Jennie’s stopping the car on the entrance of the hotel, and Jisoo’s already waiting for her, standing against a wall. Kim Jisoo has always been the visual representation of gorgeous, Jennie was made aware of it, but now, in this moment, she feels like she’s seeing her for the first time.

“You’re late.” Jisoo comments monotonously as she’s getting into the car.

“You’re early.” Jennie replies, eyeing the numbers displayed on her phone. She’s six minutes early from their designated call time.

“I like being early.”

Jennie nods, and pauses for a second to look at her— _really_ look at her. “Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.” She breaks out in a smile, shy and reserved, as her cheeks turn into a deeper crimson. “Stop staring at me and just drive us to dinner.”

She does.

The car ride is surprisingly not as uncomfortable as Jennie predicted it would be. The radio is on and there’s a very obnoxious pop song playing from it, filling in all the dead air around them. Jennie glances every now and then at Jisoo, check how she’s doing and every time she does, Jisoo’s gaze remains outside the window as she bops her head with the song.

When they arrive at the restaurant and they’re sat down at their booked seats, Jisoo looks around, clearly tense and fidgety.

“Are you okay?” Jennie asks, then tells the waiter she’ll have the special from the menu and Jisoo does the same.

“Nervous.” She admits, smiling sheepishly. “I’ve been to fancy restaurants, but this is _really_ fancy. 200 for the wine?”

Jennie shrugs. “I didn’t know where else to take you.”

“You could’ve taken me to the diner we went to last time.”

“ _Yes_ , but that wouldn’t be original.”

Even after all these times, ever since Lisa’s wedding, they’ve never had a proper dinner together. She can recall the both of them eating shitty hospital food in Jennie’s bed at night, because Jisoo had insisted that she was going to eat the bad jello in solidarity. Then after that, it was always takeout they’d eat on Jennie’s living room floor, or the dinners that sometimes Jisoo would feel the urge to cook. They’ve never had _this_ , candlelight and wine and dresses and lip glosses, and even when they were dating they never went out to dinner with such… _exhibition_ , with no care about what other people would think, what the internet would tweet out after somebody would take an unwarranted photo of them. They’ve never gone on a romantic, classic dinner date, because they were never allowed to – they never allowed _themselves_ to have it.

It’s a shame, because despite what critics say about it being overrated, it’s not.

The conversation flows as easy as it would in any other setting, be it Jennie’s apartment or the park or a diner by the street. Kim Jisoo has always been the person that would tap into Jennie’s exact type of humor, that knew niche topics that both of them would enjoy debating about. Jisoo tells an anecdote on that time her and Lisa went truffle hunting with dogs on a farm somewhere in Australia, and how they both slipped and fell into mud. Jennie’s smiling and the sauvignon blanc tastes sweeter the longer the night goes.

Their _‘date’_ (is it a date?) doesn’t end with dinner.

They leave the car where it’s parked and take a walk around the block, as if they’re scared to let the rest of the night slip away.

“So…” Jennie starts, dreading the words that she’s about to say.

“So?”

“I said we’d talk about it, but, uh,” She lets out a nervous laugh, tucking her hand into her coat. “We didn’t end up talking about it.”

“Oh.”

“We should probably do that.”

“We should.” Jisoo agrees. “Let me start first.” She says abruptly, stopping Jennie’s scrambled train of thoughts. “First, I’m _really_ , really sorry for dropping in. I meant it at first when I said I wanted to get away from home for a while. But I had an ulterior motive, and it was manipulative of me. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to say sorry.” Jennie says softly, then chuckles. “I think I would have done the same.”

“And I’m really sorry for my outburst. It wasn’t your fault. I dropped in, and you were in a relationship. You didn’t have to tell me anything. I was just… hurt, I guess.”

“I should have told you sooner.”

“No, Jennie, it’s okay.”

Their hands bump each other’s every now and then, and every time they do it feels like electricity. Even in the stillness of the night air, Jennie can smell Jisoo’s vanilla perfume mixed with the wine from their breaths. When Jennie feels a little braver, she takes the opportunity to take Jisoo’s hands in hers, intertwining their fingers together.

It feels a little too much like being a teen and shooting discrete glances at each other, whispering dirty jokes at inappropriate moments, and kissing in practice rooms, but it feels right.

“I’ve broken up with her.” She smiles.

“I’m sor—”

“Don’t be.” She immediately cuts her off before she can make any assumptions. “True to Lucas’ predictions, she did hug me and thank me for telling me the truth— _don’t_ tell Lucas that when you guys meet.”

“When we meet?”

Breath gets caught in Jennie’s throat. “Yeah,”

“Okay.” Jisoo smiles and starts squeezing Jennie’s hand in hers, as if to make sure that she’s _really_ there. “So… do you think we can make this work? Again?” Jisoo looks hopeful as she looks at Jennie and they momentarily stop walking under a flickering streetlight. Jennie takes her other hand and wraps it with her own, and she puts them on their sides as she moves closer, in a languid yet apprehensive way, until their foreheads touch.

Jennie forgets how to breathe when Jisoo lets go of one hand and use it to brush her hair behind her ear. Her fingers travel from Jennie’s ear to her neck, then downwards until it reaches her waist and settles there. She’s frozen in that moment, thinking of all the ways that this could go wrong, that this could devastate her in so many unprecedented ways, and how Jisoo could leave her alone clutching at her favorite pillows, leaving mascara-tear marks all over them. The thought is terrifying, especially when they’re so near each other that it’s almost electrifying, that she can actually hear Jisoo’s breathing against her own.

“I’m scared of you.” She admits on a shaky exhale.

“Why?”

“The last time we tried to do this you left me alone like I’m a cheap whore.” Jennie quips, cutting through the tension like a knife. Their laughs resonate against the quiet street.

“And I want to apologize for that.”

“Shhhh, not now.” She puts up a finger to Jisoo’s mouth. Jisoo swats it away with a goodhearted eye roll. “The last time we tried to do this, you left me in my bed. Alone.”

“I know.”

Jisoo has always been the strongest woman she knows, but at this moment, when they’re surrounded by eerie darkness and the cold stale air, she looks so vulnerable that Jennie wants to hold her in her arms.

“And I’m scared that you’re going to do that again.” Jennie is extremely relieved and fucking terrified, all at the same time.

“Jennie—”

“Look, listen. I know I hurt you the first time.” Jennie continues, swallowing. “But you returned the favor. And I’m scared that you’re doing this just to get even.”

“I’m not—”

“I know you aren’t. But I’m scared of the small possibility that maybe you are.” She hesitates, shaking her head. “I know I’m not making much sense, but I just want you to promise me that this isn’t something you’re doing to get back at me.”

“It’s not.” Jisoo replies with finality, eyes a little glassy. “Jennie, I am _in_ this. I realized how much I hurt you, and my own personal baggage was not enough reason to hurt you back like that. I’m sorry. But I’m not like that anymore. I know what I want now, and I… I want you.”

“You… I… I just—” Jennie looks down at the pavement beneath them and digs the heel of her stiletto into the concrete. “I know I’ve hurt you before, and it was awful how many times I’ve led you on. I’m sorry for the promises I made in that email, I’m sorry for not keeping them. What I did was terrible, and I’m not going to do any of that now, because contrary to popular belief I am _not_ my own antagonist. I’m doing this, not only because I love you, but because I’m not stupid enough to not take this second chance at being with you again, because if there’s anything that I’ve learned is that I have to take chances. I should have come back when I promised I would, but I didn’t. I know that now. I love you.” She pauses, embarrassingly aware of the long speech she’s just conjured up. “I love you.”

The moment and silence that follows after that is so delicate that she’s afraid she’s going to fall down. Jisoo purses her lips and begins to trace Jennie’s face with her hand, smiling. An embrace follows, Jisoo wrapping her arms around Jennie to hold her impossibly close, and Jennie doing the same.

They stay in that embrace for a few moments, quiet as they revel in each other’s arms.

“I love you too.”

“Are we really doing this?” Jennie breaks apart with a grin on her face.

“We are.”

*

_summer, 2028_

“If you think you two are getting away with this, you’re _not_.” Lisa scolds as she relaxes into the backseat of Jennie’s car. Rosie is beside her, grinning happily as she looks through the window and into the streets of Manhattan.

“No offense, Lisa, but we hid it from you in the first place for a reason.” Jennie replies, eyes trained on the road.

“Just be happy for them.” Rosie comments, pinching Lisa’s cheek.

“ _Ya_ —”

“Lisa, let them be. They’re cute and happy and in _love_.” She says the last word in a teasing sing-song voice, making Jisoo burst out into a giggle. Jisoo makes a show to grab Jennie’s free right hand to take it in hers and kiss it, making the women in the backseat break into a mixed response. Lisa fake gags at the gesture and Rosie lets out an _awwww_.

“You guys are gross.” Lisa comments.

“This is coming from the girl who holds hands with her husband at any given moment.” Jennie retorts and repositions her free hand to Jisoo’s thigh, looking at Lisa briefly from the rear-view mirror. 

“I’m not used to the both of you being lovey-dovey.” She says. “I was _there_ for all the drama, but I never thought you two would actually get through it.”

“Well, get used to it.” Jennie shrugs and kisses Jisoo on the cheek just as they conveniently hit a red light. Rosie cheers some more and a small smile forms on Lisa’s lips.

“ _Fine_ , maybe you’re cute, or, whatever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii if you're a new reader or you're rereading this, please consider supporting me and getting me a ko-fi? :) https://ko-fi.com/taes00


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